The Ground Rules.
Roya Carmen.
Dedication.
To my wonderful husband who always supports my crazy creative pursuits.
Preface.
FEW WORDS WERE SPOKEN. Yet I knew. I can"t really explain it...physical attraction is a powerful thing, an all-consuming thing. I didn"t want it, and I certainly wasn"t looking for it, but there it was, nevertheless.
I should have run in the opposite direction. But I didn"t. No...I yielded to it.
It"s amazing how life can change so easily-veer off the path. A single moment, a decision you make, however insignificant, can change the course of your destiny.
For me, it all started with a pink dress.
Chapter One.
The pink dress...
GOODNESS...MY TOES ARE A DISGRACE. I haven"t looked at my feet in a while, and as I stare down at the faded, chipped blue polish on way-too-long toenails, I realize I might be letting myself go.
I really need a pedicure.
I can"t remember the last time I gave myself a pedi. Chloe"s toes are perfect little shiny red buds-I just did her nails yesterday.
When did my daughter"s toenails become more important than mine? Probably about eight years ago or so. I first painted her toenails when she was just a baby-just wanted to see what it would look like.
I suppose that"s what happens when you become a mom. One day you have a life. You look hot. Other men (men who are not your husband) want to do wicked things to you.
And then...you"re painting your baby"s tiny toenails.
I sigh as Chloe wraps one of my colorful scarves around her neck, her dark brown curls caught under the silk. We"re playing dress-up.
She twirls in front of the wall mirror. "Do I look grown-up, Mommy?" Her gorgeous eyes gaze at me intently. "Well, do I?"
"Yes, sweetie. You look very sophisticated." Cla.s.sier than me, I muse-ghastly toes, shabby sweats, and all. Every time I look at her, I see her father. She looks so much like him-the crazy dark curls, the gorgeous, sleepy, hazel eyes and the slightly off-kilter, devilish smile.
She"s precious, standing in my over-sized black pumps and red c.o.c.ktail dress, a hodge-podge of necklaces draped around her neck.
Her little sister stands on a vanity chair, arms stretched as she reaches for one of my dresses. "How "bout this one?"
I give Claire the pick of the crop. I never wear them anymore. And I do have a lot of dresses-when a pretty one catches my eye, impulse overtakes me. I never ask myself, "When am I ever going to wear this?" If I did, I probably wouldn"t have this overstuffed closet.
I"ve taken over the closet, in fact-Gabe"s clothing is stuffed in an armoire, but I don"t think he minds. He"s a simple guy-he wears mostly jeans, T-shirts, and plaid b.u.t.ton shirts. He doesn"t need a closet.
Well, that"s what I tell myself anyway...
I study the dress Claire has picked out-it"s one of my favorites, probably the favorite. It"s a fifties-era dress I spent a small fortune on at one of those posh vintage stores-pink chiffon over taffeta, a corset-like bodice with lacy straps, and a flowing skirt that falls just above the knee.
The pink dress brushes the carpet, hanging off Claire"s tiny six-year-old frame. She looks so sweet in it. I can"t help but stare. I"ve only worn it twice-once at the theater, the other time at a wedding. Gabe"s oldest brother tied the knot on a beautiful July day, which somehow managed to turn into a torrential downpour. We all got drenched. Gabe and I sprinted to our hotel room, undressed in a fury, and made love. Gabe"s wet shirt had been plastered on his body, the tribal tattoo covering half his body peeking through the soaked fabric. It"s one of my favorite (very hot) memories.
I looked really nice in that dress.
"You look like a princess," Chloe tells her little sister. Claire, seemingly pleased with this observation, flashes her adorable toothless smile.
The dress seems so small. Would I still fit into it? No way. I"m almost thirty-five years old, and I"ve had two kids. But...I just need to know.
"Claire," I venture softly. "Can you take the dress off?"
She shrugs, tiny brows furrowed. "But you said I could wear any of your dresses." She"s not taking it off. "It"s my favorite," she says with pursed lips. Even when she"s being difficult, she still manages to be adorable.
"Well, it"s my favorite too actually." I stroke the chiffon between my fingers. "But it does look very nice on you."
She ponders me for a second, and I can almost see her little mind working. She stares at me with those big brown eyes of hers-she"s so sweet. "Do you want to wear it?" she asks softly.
"You think I should. You think I could fit into it?"
"For sure," she says with conviction. Well...she"s definitely more optimistic than I am because I"m pretty sure I won"t fit into that dress.
She wiggles out of it, and I quickly get out of my shabby sweats. I"m down to my undies and undo the side zipper.
"The moment of truth, girls..."
As I carefully slip the dress over my shoulders, I"m surprised. It falls to my knees and seems to still fit. But whether I can zip it up or not is the question. I make it three-quarters of the way there, and the dress fits more snugly than I remember...but it fits!
I kneel down as Chloe a.s.sists me in zipping it to the top. "It looks really nice on you," she proclaims as we study my reflection in the mirror.
It does.
I"m happy I still fit into my favorite dress. But on the other hand, I"m a little depressed. I"ll probably never get to wear it again. Let"s face it-my life is not exactly full of charity b.a.l.l.s and glamorous events. Gabe and I don"t get out much-our idea of a date night is a hearty meal at the local family restaurant and a movie, or perhaps the occasional dinner with friends.
"Why do you look so sad?" Claire asks, a dash of concern in her sweet voice.
Because Mommy has no life.
I smile to rea.s.sure her. "I"m not sad, Claire. It"s just...I"m probably never going to wear this dress ever again."
She looks at me like I have three heads. "You"re wearing it right now, silly."
I laugh at her. She has a way of making me giggle, and right now, my life is wonderfully perfect-I have her and Chloe, and Gabe.
"You"re right, Claire," I pipe up. "I am wearing it. We should do something special. We"re all dressed up."
"How "bout a tea party in my room?"
I smile. "Sounds wonderful."
"So tell me, Mirella," Claire starts. "How have you been?" she asks, her sweet voice laced with pomp and circ.u.mstance.
Her expression makes me laugh. "Why, I am just divine, Claire. Thank you for asking."
I sit at the tiny yellow table in my vintage pink chiffon dress, nibbling on animal crackers and drinking iced tea. Maybe it wouldn"t be such a bad idea to wear the dress somewhere-perhaps Gabe and I could go see a show-it could be a lot of fun. I should talk to him about it.
And there it is...that "defining moment" wrapped up cleverly into an "ordinary moment."
What if we hadn"t been in that closet playing dress-up? What if Claire hadn"t picked out that dress? What if it hadn"t fit? What if...
Claire is having quite the battle with her taco. Every time she bites into it, cheese covered ground beef spills onto her plate. At this rate, she"ll never get any of it into her little stomach. The sight makes me laugh.
Gabe rolls his eyes and grabs her taco. "You"re not holding it right, Claire," he snaps. "The whole thing"s falling apart." He rewraps the taco and folds her fingers around it. He proceeds to instruct her exactly how to hold it and eat it. She seems fl.u.s.tered, and she holds that taco like her life depends on it. I feel a little sorry for her. Leave it to Gabe to turn taco night into a stress-inducing exercise.
He spots her shaking bottom lip-a tell-tale sign she"s just about to cry.
"I"m sorry, sweetie. I know tacos aren"t easy to eat," Gabe tells her.
She wipes a tear off her face with a pudgy finger.
"It"s like a lot of things," he says, with a playful pinch of her cheek. "It takes a lot of work to get right. You"re doing great."
She smiles up at him-she"s already forgiven him.
Gabe is not as easy-going as I am. I don"t think anyone is. Gabe says I"m the most patient person he"s ever known. And I guess that"s a good thing since I"m a kindergarten teacher. Handling two girls is nothing compared to handling twenty-two five-year olds at school all day.
When the whole taco drama is over, I take advantage of a few precious seconds of silence to talk to Gabe about my idea for "date night." We"ve had date nights before, but this would be something a little more special.
"I was thinking we should go out, just the two of us," I suggest between bites of my taco. "You never did take me out for Mother"s Day."
"Is there a movie you want to see?"
"Well, I was actually thinking of doing something a little different." I"m a little nervous for some reason-I"m not sure why-it"s not like I"m asking for a trip to Paris.
"I thought we could dress up and go to the city to see a show."
I spot a scowl for a fraction of a second. The theater is not his thing, but he"ll go to great lengths to make me happy. "I guess we could," he finally says. "We could go someplace nice for dinner too."
We sit in silence for a beat. The girls munch on their tacos as they listen to us. They seem curious.
"It"d be sweet to go to some grown-up place for a change," he adds with a smile. "Somewhere posh and fancy, where they serve you a spoonful of food on a big-a.s.s plate and charge you an arm and a leg." He"s up for it because he knows that"s what I like.
"Yes, somewhere where there are no kiddie menus, after-meal toys, and brown paper covered tables you can doodle on."
"What?" Gabe teases. "But you love doodling on the table."
I laugh-he"s right. "I"m going to wear my little pink vintage dress," I tell him, stunned by the excitement in my voice. "You know the one?"
"Oh yeah...I know the one," he says with a sly smile. "The one I"ll be taking off at the end of the night."
I laugh and give him one of those "children are in the room" looks. And I"m reminded why I love him so much.
He will be taking it off and I get a little giddy at the idea. Almost twenty years together, and he still wants me.
Chapter Two.
It seems like fate, doesn"t it?
I"VE BOUGHT TICKETS on-line for the show, and Gabe says he"s got dinner under control.
My dark hair is curled and pinned into a retro style. I"m not much for makeup, but I"ve put on a little liquid liner, mascara, and red lipstick. Standing in front of the mirror in my pink chiffon vintage dress, I"m happy with the results-it"s very "fifties pin-up girl." I find myself smiling, but just as soon as my gap-toothed smile appears, it fades. Gabe says the gap gives me character, but what does he know-he loves me unconditionally.
As I peek at myself one last time, it"s clear the outfit needs a little something. I pull out my extensive collection of vintage brooches.
Claire sits on the vanity chair-she"s been watching me for the longest time, quiet as a mouse. "You look pretty, Mommy," she finally says. Her sweet voice unexpectedly brings out emotion in me, and my eyes tear up. I can"t cry and ruin my eye makeup. And then I wonder why I"m so emotional-it"s just a night out, for crying out loud.
I show Claire my brooch collection, displayed on wine-red velvet fabric in an old Victorian frame-a little craft project I worked on not long ago. "Which one?"
She points at the amber and pink jeweled owl. "I like that one. I think it would go nice with your dress."
I agree. "I think so too. The colors match, don"t they?"
As I pin the brooch just over my heart, I"m pretty happy with the final outcome.
When I finally make it downstairs, Gabe takes one look at me and says, "Wow!"
I smile shyly at him. "You look nice too," I reply, eyeing him from top to bottom. The man is a looker-always has been. His six-foot-three frame looks fantastic in dark pants and a black-striped dress shirt. I almost never get to see him dressed up, and I love it when I do. There"s a kind of s.e.xy contrast between the clean-cut outfit and the s.h.a.ggy dark curls and week-old scruff.