A sailor riding from Dover to London on a tired horse, was urged by his companions to ride faster. "I can come no faster," he replied.
"Do you not see that I am becalmed?"
Between twelve and one o"clock one asked me what o"clock it was. I answered, "Little or nothing." He demanded what I meant. I replied that, it being not one of the clock, it was to be reckoned or counted for naught, as that which is less than one is little or nothing.
(James the First and his successor created knights profusely for the purpose of raising money. From this fact grew the following conundrum:) Why did a knight take place of a gentleman? Because they were knights nowadays before they were gentlemen.
Why do fat men love their ease so much? Because the soul in a fat body lies soft, and is therefore loath to rise.
Who is he that has a fine wit in jest? A fool in earnest.
One, hearing that a traveler had been on the peak of Teneriffe (which is supposed to be one of the highest hills in the world), asked him why he had not stayed there, for he was sure he would never come so near heaven again.
What countryman is the devil? A Spaniard; for Spaniards, like the devil, trouble the whole world. (1600.)
Musicians may be compared to chameleons, because they live by air.
What countryman is a ploughman? They are all born in Hungary.
Printers are the most lawless men in the kingdom, because they commit faults with license.
Why should men think there is a world in the moon? Because they are lunatic. (This refers to the book, "A Discovery of a New World," by Bishop Wilkins, which had just appeared in 1638.)
It was asked of one who wore a threadbare coat, whether his coat were not sleepy. "Why do you ask?" queried the owner. "Because," was the reply, "I think it hath not had a nap this seven year."
One remarked "that it was a good fashion that was worn nowadays"
(1639), "because the tailors had so contrived that there was little or no waste in a whole suit."
The philosopher"s stone had need turn all metals to gold because the study of it turns all a man"s gold to other metal.
A Gallant with a galloping wit was mounted upon a running horse toward a town named Tame, within ten miles of Oxford, and, riding at full speed, he met an old man, and asked him, "Sirrah, is this the way to Tame?" "Yes, sir," he replied, "your horse, I"ll warrant you, if he were as wild as the devil."
"This is a riddle to a fool, methinks, And seems to want an Oedipus or Sphinx, But, Reader, in my book I hold it fit[3]
To find you lines, yourself must find you wit."
[3] Sufficient.
CHAPTER II
MYTHOLOGICAL CONUNDRUMS
Where was Time raised? In the lapse of ages.
How do we know that Jupiter wore very pinching boots? Because we read of his struggles with the tight-uns (t.i.tans).
What great astronomer is like Venus"s chariot? Her-sh.e.l.l (Hersch.e.l.l).
Why does a woman residing up a pair of stairs remind you of a G.o.ddess? Because she"s a second floorer (Flora).
Why is a man looking for the philosopher"s stone like Neptune?
Because he"s a sea-king (a-seeking) what never was.
If all the seas were dried up, what would Neptune say? I really haven"t an ocean (a notion).
If a young lady were to wish her father to pull her on the river, what cla.s.sical name might she mention? You row, pa (Europa).
Why is Orpheus always in bad company? Because you never see him without a lyre.
If the Greeks had pushed Pan into the Bay of Salamis, what would he have been when he came out? A dripping Pan.
What did Io die of? Io-dide of pota.s.sium.
When does a lady think her husband a Hercules? When he can"t get on without his club.
What girl does Echo think can best answer questions? Ann, sir.
Why was Leander voluntarily drowned? It was through his-whim (his swim) only.
Why is a coach going down a steep hill like St. George? Because it is always drawn with the drag-on.
CHAPTER III
BIBLICAL CONUNDRUMS
What three words did Adam use when he introduced himself to Eve, which read backwards and forwards the same? "Madam, I"m Adam."
At what time of day was Adam born? A little before Eve.
Why was the first day of Adam"s life the longest? Because it had no Eve.
How were Adam and Eve prevented from gambling? Their pair o" dice (Paradise) was taken away from them.
What stone should have been placed at the gate of Eden after the expulsion? Adamantine (Adam ain"t in).
Why did Adam bite the apple Eve gave him? Because he had no knife.
At what time was Adam married? Upon his wedding Eve.
What evidence have we that Adam used sugar? Because he raised Cain.
Who was the first man condemned to hard labor for life? Adam.