Gertrude was now permitted to relate to Mrs. Bruce the results of the shopping which she had undertaken on her account, and display the b.u.t.tons, which proved very satisfactory. The gentlemen, soon returning, took seats near the sofa, and the conversation became general.
"Mr. Graham," said Mrs. Bruce, "I have been asking Emily about your visit to the south; and I think it will be a charming trip."
"I hope so, madame; it will be an excellent thing for Emily, and as Gertrude has never travelled, I antic.i.p.ate a great deal of pleasure for her."
"Ah! then you are to be of the party, Miss Flint?"
"Of course," said Mr. Graham, without giving Gertrude a chance to speak for herself; "we depend upon Gertrude; couldn"t get along without her."
"It will be delightful for you," continued Mrs. Bruce, her eyes still fixed on Gertrude.
"I did expect to go with Mr. and Miss Graham," answered Gertrude, "and looked forward to the journey with the greatest eagerness; but I have just decided that I must remain in Boston this winter."
"What are you talking about, Gertrude?" asked Mr. Graham. "What do you mean? This is all news to me."
"And to me, too, sir, or I should have informed you of it before. I supposed you expected me to accompany you, and there is nothing I should like so much. I should have told you before of the circ.u.mstances that now make it impossible; but they are of quite recent occurrence."
"But we can"t give you up, Gertrude; I won"t hear of such a thing; you must go with us in spite of circ.u.mstances."
"I fear I shall not be able," said Gertrude, smiling pleasantly, but still retaining her firmness of expression; "you"re very kind, sir, to wish it."
"Wish it!--I tell you I insist upon it. You are under my care, child, and I have a right to say what you shall do."
Mr. Graham was excited. Gertrude and Emily looked troubled, but neither spoke.
"Give me your reasons, if you have any," said Mr. Graham, vehemently, "and let me know what has put this strange notion into your head."
"I will explain it to you to-morrow, sir."
"To-morrow! I want to know now. Tell me what all this means? Here I plan my business, and make all my arrangements, to give up this winter to travelling--not so much on my own account as to please both of you, and, just as all is settled, and we are on the point of starting, Gertrude says that she has concluded not to go."
Emily undertook to explain Gertrude"s motives, and ended by expressing her approbation of her course. As soon as she had finished, Mr. Graham, who had listened very impatiently, and interrupted her with many a "pish!" and "pshaw!" burst forth with redoubled indignation. "So Gerty prefers the Sullivans to us, and you seem to encourage her in it! I should like to know what they have ever done for her, compared with what I have done."
"They have been friends of hers for years, and now that they are in great distress, she does not feel as if she could leave them, and I confess I do not wonder at her decision."
"I do. She prefers to make a slave of herself in Mr. W."s school, and a greater slave in Mrs. Sullivan"s family, instead of staying with us, where she has been treated like a lady, and like one of our own family."
"Oh, Mr. Graham!" said Gertrude, earnestly, "it is not a matter of choice, except as I feel it to be a duty."
"And what makes it a duty? Just because you used to live with them, and that boy out in Calcutta has sent you home a camel"s-hair scarf and a cage full of miserable little birds, and written you letters, you must forfeit your own interest to take care of his sick relations! Can their claim compare with mine? Haven"t I given you the best of educations, and spared not expense for your improvement and happiness?"
"I did not think, sir," said Gertrude, humbly, and yet with dignity, "of counting up the favours I had received, and measuring my conduct accordingly. In that case my obligations to you are immense, and you would certainly have the greatest claim upon my services."
"Services! I don"t want your _services_, child. Mrs. Ellis can do quite as well as you can for Emily, or me either; but I like your _company_, and think it is very ungrateful in you to leave us, as you talk of doing."
"Father," said Emily, "I thought the object in giving Gertrude a good education was to make her independent of all the world, and not simply dependent upon us."
"Emily," said Mr. Graham, "I tell you it is a matter of feeling--you don"t seem to look upon the thing in the light I do; but you are both against me, and I won"t talk any more about it."
So saying, Mr. Graham went to his study, and was seen no more that night.
Poor Gertrude! Mr. Graham, who had been so generous, who had seldom or ever spoken harshly to her, and had always treated her with great indulgence, was now deeply offended. He had called her ungrateful; he felt that she had abused his kindness, and believed that he and Emily stood in her imagination secondary to other far less warm-hearted friends. Deeply wounded, she hastened to say good-night to the no less afflicted Emily, and, seeking her own room, gave way to feelings that caused her a sleepless night.
CHAPTER XXI.
SELFISHNESS.
Left at three years of age dependent upon the charity of a world in which she was friendless and alone, Gertrude had, during her residence at Nan Grant"s, found little of that charity. But, although her turbulent spirit rebelled at the treatment she received, she was then too young to reason upon the subject, or come to any conclusions upon the hardness and cruelty of humanity; and, had she done so, such impressions would have been effaced in the home of her kind foster-father.
And having, through a similar providence, found in Emily additional proof of the fact that the tie of kindred blood is not always needed to bind heart to heart in the closest bonds of sympathy and affection, she had hitherto, in her unusually happy experience, felt none of the evils that spring from dependence upon the bounty of strangers.
From Mr. Graham she had until now experienced only kindness. On her first coming to live with them, he had taken little notice of her, so long as she was quiet, well-mannered, and no trouble to anybody, had been indifferent about her. He observed that Emily was fond of the girl, and, though he wondered at her taste, was glad that she should be indulged. But he soon noticed in his daughter"s favourite a quickness of mind and propriety of deportment which created an interest in her that soon increased to positive partiality, especially when he discovered her taste for gardening and her love of flowers. Emily formed no plan as to Gertrude"s education to which she did not obtain a ready a.s.sent from her father; and Gertrude, grateful for so much bounty, spared no pains to evidence her sense of obligation and regard, by treating Mr. Graham with the greatest respect.
But, unfortunately for the continuance of these amicable relations, Mr.
Graham had neither the disinterested forbearing spirit of Uncle True, nor the saintly patience and self-sacrifice of Emily. Mr. Graham was a liberal and highly respectable man; he had the reputation of being a high-minded and honourable man; and his conduct justified this report of him. But he was a _selfish_ man, and often took one-sided views. He had supported and educated Gertrude--he liked her--she was the person whom he preferred for a travelling companion for himself and Emily--and he either _could_ not or _would_ not see that her duty lay in any other direction.
During a wakeful and restless night, Gertrude reviewed and considered her own circ.u.mstances. At first her only emotion was one of grief, but that gradually subsided, as other bitter thoughts rose up in her mind.
"What right," thought she, "has Mr. Graham to treat me this way--to tell me I _shall_ go with him on his southern journey, and speak as if my other friends were ciphers in his estimation, and ought to be in my own?
Does he consider my freedom is to be the price of my education, and am I no longer able to say yes or no? Emily does not think so; Emily, who loves and needs me a thousand times more than Mr. Graham, thinks I have acted rightly, and she a.s.sured me that it was my duty to carry out the plans I had formed. And my solemn promise to Willie! is that to be held for nothing? No, it would be tyranny in Mr. Graham to insist on my remaining with them, and I am glad I have resolved to break away from such thraldom. Besides, I was educated to teach, and Mr. W. says it is important to commence while my studies are fresh in my mind." So much said pride; and Gertrude"s heart listened awhile to such suggestions.
But not long. She had accustomed herself to view the conduct of others in that spirit of charity which she desired should be exercised towards her own, and milder thoughts took the place of these excited feelings.
"Perhaps," said she to herself, "it is, after all, pure kindness that prompted Mr. Graham"s interference. He may think as Emily does, that I am undertaking too much. It is impossible for him to know how strong my motives are, how deep I consider my obligations to the Sullivans, and how much I am needed by them at this time. I had no idea, either, that I was to be one of the party to the south; for though Emily talked as if she took it for granted, Mr. Graham never asked me to go, and I could not suppose it would be any great disappointment to him to refuse; but, after planning the journey to please us both, I do not wonder at his being annoyed. He probably feels, too, as if I had been under his guardianship so long that he has almost a right to decide upon my conduct. And he _has_ been very indulgent to me--and I a stranger with no claims! Shall I then decide to give up my teaching, to go to the south, and leave Mrs. Sullivan to suffer, perhaps die, while I am away?
No, that is impossible. I will never be such a traitor to my own heart, and my sense of right; sorry as I shall be to offend Mr. Graham, I must not allow his anger to turn me from my duty."
Having thus resolved to brave the tempest, and committed her cause to Him who judgeth righteously, Gertrude tried to compose herself to sleep.
Dreams of a painful nature started her back to consciousness. In some of these visions she beheld Mr. Graham angry, and threatening her with his displeasure if she dared to thwart his plans; and then she seemed to see Willie, the same boyish youth from whom she had parted five years before, beckoning her with a sad countenance to the room where his pale mother lay in a swoon, as Gertrude had a few weeks before seen her.
Exhausted by such hara.s.sing images, she at length gave up the attempt to obtain any rest, and rising, seated herself at the window, where, watching the approach of dawn, she found, in quiet self-communing, the courage which she felt would be requisite to carry her calmly and firmly through the next day--a day destined to witness her sad separation from Emily, and her farewell to Mr. Graham, which would probably be more distressing. The tyrannical disposition of Mr. Graham was well understood in his family, each member of which was accustomed to respect all his wishes and whims; and though he was always indulgent and kind, none ever braved a temper which, when excited, was so violent. It cannot, then, be surprising that Gertrude"s heart should have failed her when she stood, half-an-hour before breakfast-time, with the handle of the dining-room door in her hand, summoning all her energies for another meeting with the opposer of her plans. She paused but a moment, and then went in. Mr. Graham was sitting in his arm-chair, and on the breakfast-table lay the morning paper. It had been Gertrude"s habit to read that paper aloud to the old gentleman at this same hour, and it was for that purpose she had now come. She advanced toward him with her usual "Good morning."
The salutation was returned in a constrained voice. She seated herself, and leaned forward to take the newspaper. But he placed his hand upon it to prevent her.
"I was going to read the news to you, sir."
"And I do not wish to have you read, or do anything else for me, until I know whether you have concluded to treat me with the respect I have a right to demand from you."
"I certainly never intended to treat you otherwise than with respect, Mr. Graham."
"When girls or boys set themselves up in opposition to those older and wiser than themselves, they manifest the greatest disrespect they are capable of; but I am willing to forgive the past, if you a.s.sure me, as I think you will, after a night"s reflection, that you have returned to a right sense of your duty."
"I cannot say, sir, that I have changed my views with regard to what that duty is."
"Do you mean to tell me," asked Mr. Graham, rising from his chair, and speaking in a tone which made Gerty"s heart quake, "do you mean to tell me that you have an idea of persisting in your folly?"
"Is it folly, sir, to do right?"