They must have neared some village, for the c.o.c.ks were announcing the daybreak. The moon had now rolled behind the mountains and dawn peacefully illuminated the world. The earth grew sober; time became sensible again. Mountain, village and olive grove went back and stood once more where G.o.d had placed them to await the end of the world. Here was the beloved road, there the compa.s.sionate village of Bethany amid its olives, figs and vineyards. There too was the refreshing house of friendship, with the holy loom and the lighted fire and the two sisters, the two sleepless flames. ...
aHere we are,a said the angel.
Smoke was rising from the flue on the roof. The two sisters must have already awakened and lighted the fire.
aJesus of Nazareth,a said the angel, unwrapping his wing from around him, athe two sisters lighted a fire, did the milking first thing in the morning and are now preparing the milk for you. On our way, didnat you want to ask me the meaning of Paradise? Thousands of small joys, Jesus of Nazareth. To knock at a door, to have a woman open it for you, to sit down in front of the fire, to watch her lay the table for you; and when it is completely dark, to feel her take you in her arms. That is the way the Saviour comes: graduallya"from embrace to embrace, son to son. That is the road.a aI understand,a said Jesus. He stopped in front of the indigo-colored door and grasped the knocker, but the angel held him back.
aDonat be in a hurry,a he said. aListen, wead better not separate any more. Iam afraid to leave you all alone and undefendeda"so Iall come with you. Iall turn myself into a Negro boy, the one you saw under the lemon trees, and you can say Iam a young slave who runs errands for you. I donat want you to take the wrong road again and get lost.a No sooner had he spoken than a Negro boy stood before Jesus. His head reached the manas knees, he had broad white teeth, two golden rings in his ears; and he was holding a basket filled to overflowing.
aHere, Master,a he said with a smile. aGifts for the two sisters. Silk clothing, earrings, bracelets, fans made of precious feathersa"the complete feminine armor. Now you can knock at the door.a Jesus knocked. He heard the sound of clogs in the yard and then a sweet voice called, aWhoas there?a Jesus blushed scarlet. He recognized the voice: it was Maryas. The door opened and the two sisters fell at his feet.
aRabbi, we worship your Pa.s.sion, we salute your holy resurrection. Welcome!a aAllow me to touch your breast, Rabbi, to see if itas really you,a said Mary.
aMary, heas flesh, real flesh,a Martha exclaimed, aflesha"like us. Donat you see? And look, thereas his shadow on our doorstep.a Jesus listened, and smiled. He felt the two sisters touching him, smelling him, rejoicing.
aMartha and Mary, twin flames: itas fine to see you. Tranquil, humble, courteous house of men: itas fine to see you. We are still alive, we still hunger, act and weep. Glory be to G.o.d!a While still talking and greeting the two sisters, he entered the house.
aItas fine to see you, fireplace and loom and kneading trough, and table and pitcher and beloved lamp! Faithful servants of woman, I bow and worship your grace. When woman arrives at the gate of Paradise she will stop and ask, aLord, will my companions enter too?a a aWhat companions?a G.o.d will ask her.
a aHerea"the trough, cradle, lamp, pitcher and loom. If they donat go in, neither do I.a aAnd goodhearted G.o.d will laugh. aYouare women; can I refuse you a favor? Enter, all of you. Paradise is so full of troughs, cradles and looms, I have no place left for the saints.aa The two women laughed. Turning, they saw the small Negro with the overflowing basket.
aRabbi, who is this boy?a Mary asked. aI like his teeth.a Jesus sat down in front of the hearth. They brought milk, honey and whole-wheat bread. Jesusa eyes filled with tears.
aThe seven heavens were not big enough for me,a he said, anor the seven great virtues nor the seven great ideas. And now, what miracle is this, my sisters? A tiny house is big enough for me, and a mouthful of bread, and the simple words of a woman!a He marched up and down the house as its master, brought in an armful of vine branches from the yard, fed the fire. The flames leaped up. He bent over the well, drew water and drank. He put out his hands, placed them on the shoulders of Martha and Mary and took possession of them.
aDearest Martha and Mary,a he said, aI shall change my name. They killed your brother, whom I raised from the dead. I shall come and sit in the place where he sat, here in the corner; I shall take his ox-goad, I shall plow, sow and harvest his fields. When I return in the evening my sisters will wash my weary feet and lay the table for me. Then I shall sit by the fire, on his stool. My name is Lazarus.a While he spoke the small Negro bewitched him with his large eyes. The more he looked at him, the more Jesusa face changed, as did his whole body: head, chest, thighs, hands and feet. He grew more and more to resemble Lazarus, a ripe, mature Lazarus, all health and strength, with a bull neck, sunburned chest and huge gnarled hands. The two sisters watched this metamorphosis in the half-light and trembled.
aIave changed body. Iave changed soul. h.e.l.lo! I proclaim war against poverty and fasting. The soul is a lively animal; it wants to eat. This mouth beneath my beard and mustache is the soulas mouth, the only mouth the soul has. I declare war against chast.i.ty. An infant sits mute and numb in the womb of every woman. Open the doors and let him out! He who does not beget, murders. ... Are you crying, Mary?a aHow else can I respond, Rabbi? We women have no other answer.a Martha opened wide her arms. aWe women,a she said, aare two arms incurably open. Come in, my Rabbi. Sit down. Command. You are the master of the house.a Jesusa face shone. aIave finished wrestling with G.o.d,a he said. aWe have become friends. I wonat build crosses any more. Iall build troughs, cradles, bedsteads. Iall send a message to have my tools brought from Nazareth; Iall have my embittered mother come too, so that she can bring up her grandchildren and feel some sweetness on her lips at last, poor thing.a One of the women leaned her bosom against his knees; the other took his hand and would not let it go. In front of the fire the small Negro had propped his cheek on his knees and was pretending to sleep. But from between his long eyelashes his black eyes watched Jesus and the two women, and a sly, contented smile spread across his face.
Mary, her bosom leaning against Jesusa knees, was speaking. aI was sitting at the loom, Rabbi, working your Pa.s.siona"a cross, with thousands and thousands of swallows all arounda"into a white blanket. I was shuttling the black and red threads and singing a dirge; and you heard me, pitied me and came.a Martha waited quietly for her sister to finish. Then she commenced. aI know nothing except how to knead bread, wash clothes and say yes. Those are my only graces, Rabbi. I have a premonition that youall choose my sister as your wife, but allow me to breathe in the air of married life along with you: allow me to make and air your beds and take charge of all the household needs.a She stopped, sighed, and then: aThe girls of our village sing a song, a very bitter song. They sing it in the springtime, the days when the birds sit on their eggs. Instead of reciting it, let me sing it to you so that youall understand, because its bitterness lies in the tune: Ho, you! beardless stalwartsa"
Iam weary of selling, of selling myself And finding no buyer.
I offer all at a bargain, including myself: First come, first served!
Whoever gives me a swallowas egg, I shall grant him my lips; Whoever gives me an eagleas egg, I shall grant him my b.r.e.a.s.t.s; And whoever gives me a stab, I shall grant him my heart!
Her eyes filled with tears. Mary entwined her arms around the manas waist as though she feared he was going to be taken from her.
Martha felt a knife pierce her heart, but she gathered up courage and spoke again. aRabbi, I want to say just one thing more to you, and then Iall get up and leave you with Mary. Once there was a robust landowner named Boaz who lived near here, in Bethlehem. It was summer and his slaves had reaped, threshed, winnowed and made stacks on the threshing floor, the wheat on the right, the chaff on the left. He lay down between the two stacks and went to sleep. In the middle of the night a poor woman named Ruth came quietly, in order not to waken him, and sat at his feet. She was a childless widow and had suffered much. The man felt the warmth of her body at his feet. He lowered his hand, searched, found her and raised her to his breast. ... Do you understand, Rabbi?a aYes. Speak no more.a aIam leaving,a said Martha, and she rose.
The two remained alone. Taking a mat and the blanket which was decorated with the cross and the swallows, they went up to the roof of the house. A merciful cloud covered the sun. They hid under the embroidered blanket so that G.o.d would not see them, and began to caress each other. Once, the cover slipped off for a moment and Jesus opened his eyes. He saw the Negro boy sitting on the edge of the roof. He was holding a shepherdas pipe and piping, his eyes staring far off in the direction of Jerusalem.
The next day the whole village stopped by to admire the new Lazarus. The small Negro ran errands, drew water from the well, milked the ewes, helped Martha to start the fire and then curled up on the doorstep and played his pipe. Loaded with gifts of ears of corn, milk, dates or honey, the villagers came to greet the strange visitor who looked so much like Lazarus. They saw the Negro on the doorstep, teased him and laughed. He laughed too.
The blind village chief entered, put out his hand and examined Jesusa knees, thighs and shoulders. Then he shook his head and burst out laughing.
aHumph! Are you all blind?a he yelled at the villagers who had filled the yard. aThis isnat Lazarus. His breath doesnat smell the same, his flesh is kneaded differently, and his bones are held firmly together by plenty of meat. A cleaver couldnat separate them.a Jesus sat in the yard, braided together truths and lies, and laughed. aDonat be afraid, lads, Iam not Lazarus. Itas all over with him. Itas just that my name is Lazarus, Master Lazarusa"Iam a carpenter. An angel with green wings led me to this house and I entered.a He looked at the Negro, who had doubled up with laughter.
Time ran on like immortal water, and irrigated the world. The grain matured, the grapes began to glisten, the olives filled with oil, the blossoming pomegranate trees bore fruit. Autumn overtook them, winter arrived, and their son was born. Lying-in after the birth, Mary the weaver admired the newborn with no end of admiration. aMy G.o.d, how did this miracle issue from my womb? I drank of the immortal water,a she would say with a smile, aI drank of the immortal water: I shall not die!a It is deep night, and raining. Welcoming heaven into its bowels, the gaping earth turns it into mud. Master Lazarus, stretched out in the deep of night amid half-finished cradles and troughs on the wood shavings of his workshop, listens to the thunder and thinks about his newborn son and about G.o.d. He is pleased. It is the first time that G.o.d has entered his mind in the form of a child. In the adjoining room he hears him cry and laugh; hears him dance at his motheras feet. Is G.o.d then so close, he thinks, stroking his black beard. Are the rosy soles of his feet so tender, is he so ticklish; does he laugh so easily, this Almighty G.o.d, when the fingers of man caress him?
The small Negro yawned. He had pretended to be asleep in the other corner, next to the door. Hearing the mother cuddle the newborn, he smiled with satisfaction. Now in the night, when no one saw him, he had become an angel again and was relaxing, his green wrings spread over the shavings.
aJesus, are you awake?a he whispered in the darkness.
Jesus pretended not to hear. It pleased him immensely to remain silent and listen to the newborn in the quiet of the night. But he smiled. He had become much endeared to this Negro. All day long the boy ran errands for him and helped him shape the wood. Then in the evening when the dayas work was finished, he sat on the doorstep and piped for him. Listening, Jesus would forget the dayas toil; and when the first star appeared they would all sit down together at the same table to eat, and the Negro would chuckle and joke ceaselessly, teasing poor Martha and embarra.s.sing her on account of her virginity.
aOut in my homeland Ethiopia,a he would say, laughing and eying Martha coquettishly, awe donat hide our inner longings and fret our hearts out as do you Jews; we discuss our desires honestly, openly, and act on them. If I want to eat a bananaa"who cares if itas my own or someone elseasa"I eat it. If I want to go for a swim, I go for a swim. If I want to kiss a woman, I kiss her. And our G.o.d doesnat scold us, either. Heas a black and he loves the blacks. He wears golden rings in his ears and he too does whatever he pleases. He is our big brother; we both have the same mothera"Night.a aDoes your G.o.d die?a Martha asked one evening, to tease him.
aSo long as a single Negro is alive, our G.o.d will not die!a the Negro answered, stooping to tickle the sole of Marthaas foot.
Each night as soon as the lamp was extinguished the guardian angel unfolded his wings in the darkness and laid himself down next to his companion. They spoke together in whispers so that no one would hear, and the angel gave advice for the following day. Then he became the Negro boy again, crept over the wood shavings to his place and went to sleep.
But tonight he could not sleep. aJesus, are you awake?a he repeated, raising his voice. When he saw that he received no answer he jumped up, came close to Jesus and gave him a push.
aHo, Master Lazarus, I know youare not asleep. Why donat you answer?a aI donat want to talk. Iam happy,a said Jesus, closing his eyes. aAre you satisfied with me?a asked the angel, with pride. aHave you any complaint?a aNone, my boy, none.a His heart grew warm, rose up. aWhat an evil road I took to find G.o.d,a he murmured. aWhat a forsaken incline, all cliffs and precipices! I called and called, my voice rebounded from the uninhabited mountain and I thought it was an answer!a The angel laughed. aAlone, you cannot find G.o.d. Two persons are needed, a man and a woman. You didnat know thata"I taught it to you; and thus, after so many years of seeking G.o.d, you finally found hima"when you joined Mary. And now you sit in the darkness, you listen to him laugh and cry, and you rejoice.a aThat is the meaning of G.o.d,a Jesus murmured, athat is the meaning of man. This is the road.a He again closed his eyes.
His former life flashed through his mind, and he sighed. Extending his arm, he found the angelas hand. aMy guardian angel,a he said tenderly, aif you had not come, my boy, I would have been lost. Stay near me always.a aI shall; donat be afraid. I wonat leave you. I like you.a aHow long will this happiness last?a aAs long as Iam with you and youare with me, Jesus of Nazareth.a aFor all eternity?a The angel laughed. aWhat is eternity? Havenat you been able yet to get rid of big words, Jesus of Nazareth, of big words, big ideas, kingdoms of heaven? Does this mean that even your son hasnat succeeded in curing you?a He banged his fist on the ground. aHere is the kingdom of heaven: earth. Here is G.o.d: your son. Here is eternity: each moment, Jesus of Nazareth, each moment that pa.s.ses. Moments arenat enough for you? If so, you must learn that eternity will not be either.a He was silent. Light footsteps were heard in the yard. Bare feet approached.
aWhoas there?a Jesus asked, getting up.
aA woman,a answered the angel with a smile. He went and unbolted the door.
aWhat woman?a The angel shook his finger as though scolding him. aI told you once beforea"have you forgotten? There is only one woman in the world; one, with innumerable faces. One of those faces is coming. Get up to greet it. I am leaving.a Like a snake, he slid into the shavings and vanished.
The bare feet halted outside the door. Turning toward the wall, Jesus closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. A hand pushed open the door and a woman slid inside, holding her breath. She went forward slowly, reached the corner where Jesus lay and, without talking or making any noise, rolled herself up at his feet.
Jesus felt a warmth rise from the soles of his feet to his knees, thighs, heart and neck. He lowered his hand, found the tresses and examined the womanas face, throat and b.r.e.a.s.t.s in the darkness. She stooped, all expectation and submission, and did not speak; but her flesh trembled and her entire body was covered with a frosty sweat.
The man spoke softly, tenderly, full of compa.s.sion. aWho are you?a The woman trembled and did not speak. Jesus was sorry he asked, for once again he had forgotten the angelas words. Of what importance was her name, where she came from, or the shape, color, beauty or ugliness of her face? It was the feminine face of the earth. Her womb was smothering her: many sons and daughters were within, suffocating and unable to emerge. She had come to the man so that he might open a way for them. Jesusa heart overflowed with compa.s.sion.
aI am Ruth,a the woman murmured, trembling.
aRuth? What Ruth?a aMartha.a
Chapter Thirty-Two.
DAYS WENT BY, months, years. In the house of Master Lazarus the sons and daughters multiplied, and Martha and Mary competed to see who would give birth to the most. The man wrestled, sometimes in the workshop with pine, kermes oak and cypress, throwing them down and forcing them into tools for men; sometimes in the fields with winds, moles and nettles. In the evening he would return, exhausted, to sit in his yard, and his women would come and wash his feet and calves, light a fire, lay the table for him and open wide their arms. And then, just as he worked the wood, liberating the cradles which were within it, just as he worked the land, liberating the grapes and ears of grain which were within it, so too he worked the women and liberated from within them: G.o.d.
What happiness this is, Jesus reflected, what profound correspondence between body and soul, between earth and man! ... And Martha and Mary held out their hands and touched the man they loved and the children which issued from their wombs and resembled him, touched them to see if they and all this joy and sweetness were real. So much happiness seemed much too much to them, and they trembled.
One night Mary had a horrible dream. She got up, went into the yard and saw Jesus, who had washed himself and was sitting contentedly on the ground, his palms pressed into the soil. She went near him and sat down at his side. aWhat are dreams, Rabbi?a she asked him softly. aWhat are they made of? Who sends them?a aThey are neither angels nor devils,a Jesus answered her. aWhen Lucifer started his revolt against G.o.d, dreams could not make up their minds which side to take. They remained between devils and angels, and G.o.d hurled them down into the inferno of sleep. ... Why do you ask? What did you dream, Mary?a But Mary burst into tears and did not answer. Jesus stroked her hand. aAs long as you keep it within you, Mary, it will eat away your insides. Bring it out into the light so that you can be rid of it.a Mary wanted to begin but was so afraid she could hardly breathe. Jesus caressed her, gave her courage.
aThe whole night the moon was so bright I could not sleep. But at dawn I must have fallen asleep, because I saw a bird ... No, it wasnat a bird: it had six fiery wingsa"it must have been one of the seraphim that surround G.o.das Throne. He came, fluttered silently around me and then suddenly rushed down and wrapped his wings about my head. He put his beak into my ear and spoke to me. ... Rabbi, I prostrate myself, I kiss your feet. Order me to be quiet!a aCourage, Mary. Iam with you, arenat I? Why are you afraid? ... Well, he spoke to you. What did he say?a aThat all this, Rabbi, is ...a Once again she could not breathe. She grasped Jesusa knees and squeezed them forcefully between her arms.
aThat all this is ... Is what, dearest Mary?a aA dream.a She burst into tears.
Jesus shuddered. aA dream?a aYes, Rabbi. All this a dream.a aWhat do you mean by all this?a aYou, me, Martha, our embraces at night, the children ... All, alla"all lies! Lies created by the Tempter to deceive us! He took sleep, death and air and fashioned them into ... Rabbi, help me!a She rolled to the ground, quivered convulsively for a moment and then suddenly became stiff. Martha ran out with some rose vinegar and chafed her- temples. Mary came to, opened her eyes and, seeing Jesus, clutched his feet.
aShe moved her lips, Rabbi,a said Martha. aBend down. She wants to say something to you.a Jesus leaned over and raised her head. She moved her lips.
aWhat did you say, beloved Mary? I could not hear.a Mary called up all her strength. aAnd that you, Rabbi ...a she murmured.
aThat I? Speak!a a... were crucified!a She said this and then once more rolled to the ground in a swoon.
They laid her on her bed. Martha stayed with her. Jesus opened the door and went out to the fields. He was suffocating. He heard footsteps behind him. Turning, he saw the young Negro.
aWhat is it?a he shouted at him angrily. aI want to be alone.a aIam afraid to leave you alone, Jesus of Nazareth,a the Negro replied, his eyes glistening. aThis is a difficult moment. Your mind might waver.a aThatas just what I want. There are times when my confounded mind hinders my sight.a The Negro laughed. aAre you a woman? Do you believe in dreams? Let the ladies cry. Theyare females, they canat endure great joy, so they cry. But we, we endure, donat we?a aYes. Be quiet!a They went along quickly and climbed up onto a green hill. Anemones and yellow daisies were scattered in the gra.s.s. The earth smelled of thyme. Jesus could see his house between the olive trees. Peaceful smoke rose from the roof, and Jesusa soul felt relieved. The women have recovered their forces, he reflected. They have squatted before the hearth and lighted a fire. ... aLetas go back without breathing a word,a he said to the Negro. aTheyare women: have pity on them.a Days went by. One evening a strange, half-drunk wayfarer appeared. It was the Sabbath and Jesus was not working. He sat on the doorstep holding his youngest son and youngest daughter on his knees, playing with them. It had rained in the morning, but the weather cleared in the afternoon and now thin, cherry-colored clouds floated toward the west. Between them the sky was solid green, like a meadow. Two cooing doves were on the roof. Mary sat at Jesusa side, her b.r.e.a.s.t.s pendulant and full.
The wayfarer halted, glanced maliciously at Jesus and laughed. aHo, Master Lazarus,a he said, stammering, awell, youave certainly had good luck! The years run past your door and depart while you sit like the patriarch Jacob with his two wives Leah and Rachel. Youave got two wives yourselfa"Martha and Mary. The one, so I hear, is in charge of the house and the other is in charge of you; while you are in charge of everything: wood, land, wivesa"and G.o.d. But show yourself a little, stick your nose out of your door, shade your eyes against the sun and gaze out over the world to see whatas going on. ... Have you ever heard of Pilate, Pontius Pilate? May his bones roast in tar!a Jesus recognized the half-drunk wayfarer and smiled. aSimon of Cyrene, man of G.o.d and wine, welcome! Take a stool and sit down. Martha, a cup of wine for my old friend.a The wayfarer sat down on the stool and took the cup between his palms. aAll the world knows me,a he said proudly. aEveryone has come to do worship in my tavern. You must have too, Master Lazarusa"but donat change the subject. I was asking you if youad heard of Pilate, Pontius Pilate. Did you ever see him?a The Negro appeared. He leaned against the door post and listened.
aA thin cloud pa.s.ses across my mind,a said Jesus, struggling to remember. aTwo cold eyes, ash gray like a hawkas; a laugh full of mockery; a gold ring ... I donat remember anything else. Oh, yesa"a silver basin he had brought to him so that he could wash his hands. Nothing else. It must have been a dream, the h.o.a.r frost of the mind. Up came the sun and it vanished. ... But now that you remind me of him, Cyrenian, I do remember: he tormented me greatly in my sleep.a aCurse him! Iave heard that in G.o.das eyes dreams weigh more heavily than the reality of the day. Well, G.o.d punished Pilate. Heas been crucified!a Jesus uttered a cry: aCrucified!a aWhy get excited? Serves him right! They found him yesterday, at dawna"crucified. It seems his mind began to totter. He couldnat sleep. He would get out of bed, find a basin and wash his hands all night long, shouting, aI wash and rinse my hands; I am innocent!a But the blood remained on his hands, and he would get more water and wash them again. Then he would go out and roam Golgotha. He could find no rest. Every night he ordered his two faithful Negro slaves to beat him with his own whip. He gathered thorns, made them into a crown, pushed it onto his head, and the blood flowed.a aI remember ... I remember ...a Jesus murmured. From time to time he glanced stealthily at the Negro boy who, leaning against the door post, was listening intently.
aAfterward he fell to drink and went the rounds of the taverns. He came to mine too, drank, became a c.o.c.k and a pig. His wife got disgusted and abandoned him. Then orders came from Rome to dismiss him. ... Are you listening, Master Lazarus? Why do you sigh?a Jesus stared at the ground and did not reply. The boy refilled Simonas cup. aQuiet!a he hissed softly in his ear. aGo away!a But Simon became angry. aWhy should I be quiet! To make a long story short, yesterday at dawn your friend Pilate was found at the top of Golgotha, crucified!a Jesus suddenly felt a stab in his heart as though he was being pierced with a lance; and the four blue marks on his hands and feet swelled and turned red.
Mary saw him grow pale. She approached and stroked his knees. aBeloved,a she said, ayou are tired. Come inside and lie down.a The sun had set; the air grew cool. The Cyrenian, now completely drunk, was tired of talking. He fell asleep. The Negro seized his arm, raised him with one heave and dragged him out of the village.
aYou were delirious,a he said to him angrily, pointing to the road to Jerusalem. aLeave!a The boy returned anxiously to the house. Jesus, stretched out in his workshop, had his eyes pinned on the skylight. Martha was arranging the dinner. Mary suckled the youngest child and silently watched Jesus. The Negro boy entered, his eyes still flashing with anger.
aHeas gone,a he said. aHe was completely drunk; he didnat know what he was saying.a Jesus turned and looked at the Negro in an agony. He bit his lips so that they would not dare part and speak. Once more he turned to the Negro. He seemed to be asking his aid. But the boy put the finger to his lips and smiled at him.
aGo to sleep,a he said, ago to sleep.a Jesus closed his eyes. His lips relaxed, the wrinkles in his forehead disappeared, and he slept. The next day at dawn when he awoke, he felt joy and relief, as though he had escaped from a great danger. The Negro had also awakened. Chuckling to himself, he was putting the workshop in order.
aWhat are you laughing at?a asked Jesus, winking at him.
aIam laughing at mankind, Jesus of Nazareth,a he answered in a low voice, so that the women would not hear. aWhat terrors your wretched minds have to pa.s.s at every moment! Sheer cliffs to the right, sheer cliffs to the left, sheer cliffs behind you. No pa.s.sage but in front, and there: a string stretched out over the abyss!a aFor a moment,a said Jesus, laughing also, amy mind stumbled on your string and all but fell. But I escaped!a The women entered, and the talk took a different turn. The fire was lighted; the day began. A mob of laughing children flew into the yard and set about playing blindmanas bluff.
aMary, do we have so many children?a said Jesus, laughing. aMartha, the yard is full. Weave either got to enlarge the house or stop giving birth.a aWeall enlarge the house,a answered Martha.
aTheyare almost ready to climb the walls and trees of the yard like field mice and squirrels. Weave declared war on death, Mary. Blessed be the organs of women. They are full of eggs, like those of fish, and each egg is a man. Death will not overcome us.a aNo, death will not overcome us, Beloved. You just take care of yourself and stay well,a Mary replied.
Jesus was in a good mood and wanted to tease her. Besides, Mary pleased him very much this morning, only half awake as she was, and standing before him combing her hair.
aMary,a he said, adonat you ever think about death, donat you seek G.o.das mercy, donat you worry what will become of you in the next world?a Mary shook her long hair and laughed. aThose are a manas concerns,a she said. aNo, I donat seek G.o.das mercy. Iam a woman; I seek mercy from my husband. And I donat knock at G.o.das door either, asking like a beggar for the eternal joys of Paradise. I hug the man I love and have no desire for any other Paradise. Letas leave the eternal joys to the men!a aThe eternal joys to the men?a said Jesus, caressing her bare shoulder. aBeloved wife, the earth is a narrow threshing floor. How can you lock yourself up in that s.p.a.ce and not want to escape?a aA woman is happy only inside boundaries. You know that, Rabbi. A woman is a reservoir, not a spring.a Martha entered at a run. aSomeoneas looking for our house,a she said. aShort and fat, hunchbacked, with a head as bald as an egg. Heas tripping all over his crooked pegs and will be here in a minute.a The Negro also rushed in, panting. aI donat like his looks; Iam going to shut the door in his face. Heas another one whoall turn everything upside down.a Jesus eyed the boy fiercely. aWhat are you afraid of?a he asked. aWho is he that you should fear him? Open the door!a The Negro winked at him. aChase him away!a he said to him softly.
aWhy? Who is he?a aChase him away,a the Negro repeated, aand donat ask any questions.a Jesus became angry. aAm I not free? Canat I do what I please? Open the door.a By this time feet were heard in the road. They halted, and there was a knock at the door.
aWhoas there?a Jesus asked, running into the yard.
A high, cracked voice replied, aOne sent by G.o.d. Open!a The door opened. A squat, fat hunchback, still young, but bald, stood on the threshold. His eyes were spitting fire. The two women, who had run to see him, recoiled.
aRejoice and exult, brothers,a said the visitor, opening wide his arms. aI bring you the Good News!a Jesus looked at him, struggling to remember where he had seen him. Cold shivers ran up and down his spine. aWho are you? I think Iave met you somewhere. At Caiaphasas palace? At a crucifixion?a Sneering, the young Negro, who was rolled up in one of the corners of the yard, said, aItas Saul, bloodthirsty Saul!a aAre you Saul?a Jesus asked, horrified.
aI was, but Iam not bloodthirsty Saul any more. Iave seen the true light; I am Paul. I was saveda"glory be to G.o.d!a"and now Iave set out to save the world. Not Judea, not Palestine, but the whole world! The Good News I carry needs oceans and distant cities: s.p.a.ciousness. Donat shake your head, Master Lazarus; donat laugh, donat mock. Yes, I shall save the world!a aMy fine lad,a Jesus replied, aIave already come back from where youare headed. I remember that when I was young like you, I too set out to save the world. Isnat that what being young meansa"to want to save the world? I went around barefooted, in rags, girded with a strap which was full of nails, like the ancient prophets. I shouted, aLove! Love!a and a lot more I no longer wish to remember. They pelted me with lemon peels, they beat me, and I was a hairas breadth from crucifixion. My fine lad, the same will happen to you!a He had gathered momentum. Forgetting his role as Master Lazarus, he was revealing his secret to a stranger.
The terrified Negro came between them to detour the conversation. aDonat talk to him, Master. I have something to ask him; let me speak with him.a He turned to the stranger. aIsnat it you, h.e.l.l-fiend, who most unjustly murdered Mary Magdalene? Your hands are dripping with blood. Get out of our respectable yard!a aYou? You?a said Jesus, shuddering.
aYes, me,a Paul answered with a deep sigh. aI beat my breast, tear my clothes and cry, aI have sinned! I have sinned!a I received letters with instructions to kill anyone who violated the Law of Moses. I had killed everyone I could and was returning to Damascus when suddenly a flash of lightning shot out of the sky and threw me to the ground. The great brilliance blinded me: I saw nothing. But I heard a reproachful voice above my head, aSaul, Saul, why do you pursue me? What have I done to you?a a aWho are you, Lord,a I cried.
a aI am Jesus whom you pursue. Arise, go into Damascus, and there my faithful will tell you what you must do.a I jumped up, trembling. My eyes were open, but I saw nothing. My companions took me by the hand and brought me into Damascus. And one of Jesusa disciples, Ananiasa"G.o.d bless hima"came to the cottage where I was lodging. He placed his hand on my head and prayed: aChrist, give him his sight so that he may travel over the whole world and proclaim the Gospel!a As he spoke, the scales fell from my eyes. I received my sight and was baptized. I was baptized; I became Paul, the apostle to the Nations. I preacha"on land, on seaa"I preach the Good News. ... Why do you look at me like that, your eyes popping out of your head? Master Lazarus, why have you got up in such a tumult?a His fists clenched, and frothing at the mouth, Jesus paced the yard. He saw the pale women standing in the corner; he saw the children screaming and clutching their mothers. aGo inside,a he ordered them. aLeave us alone!a The overwrought Negro came up to speak to him, but he pushed him angrily aside. aAm I not free?a he said. aIave stood enough; Iam going to speak!a He turned to Paul. aWhat Good News?a he bellowed with trembling voice.
aJesus of Nazaretha"you must have heard of hima"was not the son of Joseph and Mary; he was the son of G.o.d. He came down to earth and took on human flesh in order to save mankind. The wicked priests and Pharisees seized him, brought him to Pilate and crucified him. But on the third day he rose from the dead and ascended to heaven. Death was conquered, brothers, sins were forgiven, the Gates of Heaven opened up!a aDid you see this resurrected Jesus of Nazareth?a Jesus bellowed. aDid you see him with your own eyes? What was he like?a aA flash of lightninga"a flash of lightning which spoke.a aLiar!a aHis disciples saw him. They were gathered together after the crucifixion in an attic, and the doors were shut. Suddenly he came and stood in their midst and said to them, aPeace be unto you!a They all saw him and were dazzled, but Thomas was not convinced. He placed his finger inside his wounds and gave him some fish, which he ate.a aLiar!a But Paul had worked up steam. His eyes flashed; his crooked body had stretched itself up straight. aHe wasnat born of a man: his mother was a virgin. The angel Gabriel descended from heaven, said, aHail, Mary,a and the Word fell like seed into her womb. Thatas how he was born.a aLiar! Liar!a Astonished, Paul remained immobile. The Negro rose and bolted the door. The neighbors, hearing the cries, had half opened their doors and c.o.c.ked their ears. The two frightened wives had reappeared in the yard, but the Negro had penned them up again inside. Jesus was swelling with rage; he could no longer calm his heart. Approaching Paul, he grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him violently.
aLiar! Liar!a he shouted. aI am Jesus of Nazareth and I was never crucified, never resurrected. I am the son of Mary and of Joseph the Carpenter of Nazareth. I am not the son of G.o.d, I am the son of mana"like everyone else. What blasphemies you utter! What effronteries! What lies! Is it with such lies, swindler, that you dare save the world?a aYou, you?a murmured Paul, bewildered. While Master Lazarus spoke, frothing at the mouth, Paul had noticed blue marks like nail wounds on his hands and feet, and another wound over his heart.
aWhy are you rolling your eyes?a cried Jesus. aWhy do you stare at my hands and feet? Those marks you see were stamped on me by G.o.d during my sleep. By G.o.d, or by the Tempter: I still canat understand which. I dreamed I was on the cross and in pain, but I cried out, awoke, and my pain disappeared. What I should have suffered while awake, I suffered while asleepa"and escaped!a aQuiet! Quiet!a bellowed Paul, grasping his temples for fear they would burst.
But how could Jesus remain silent! He felt as though these words had been encased in his breast for years. Now his heart had opened and they were gushing out. The Negro clung to his arm. aQuiet! Quiet!a he said to him, but Jesus threw him to the ground with one shake and turned to Paul.
aYes, yes. Iall tell everything. I must find relief! What I should have suffered while awake, I suffered in my sleep. I escaped; I came to this tiny village under another name and with another body. Here I lead the life of a man: I eat, drink, work and have children. The great conflagration subsided, I too became a kind tranquil fire; I curled up in the fireplace, and my wife cooks the childrenas meals. I set sail to conquer the world but cast anchor in this tiny domestic trough. And thatas thata"I have no complaints. I am son of man, I tell you, not son of G.o.d. ... And donat go around the whole world to publish lies. I shall stand up and proclaim the truth!a Now it was Paulas turn to explode. aShut your shameless mouth!a he shouted, rushing at him. aBe quiet, or men will hear you and die of fright. In the rottenness, the injustice and poverty of this world, the Crucified and Resurrected Jesus has been the one precious consolation for the honest man, the wronged man. True or falsea"what do I care! Itas enough if the world is saved!a aItas better the world perish with the truth than be saved with lies. At the core of such a salvation sits the great worm Satan.a aWhat is atrutha? What is afalsehooda? Whatever gives wings to men, whatever produces great works and great souls and lifts us a manas height above the eartha"that is true. Whatever clips off manas wingsa"that is false.a aYou wonat keep quiet, will you, son of Satan! The wings you talk about are just like the wings of Lucifer.a aNo, I wonat keep quiet. I donat give a hoot about whatas true and whatas false, or whether I saw him or didnat see him, or whether he was crucified or wasnat crucified. I create the truth, create it out of obstinacy and longing and faith. I donat struggle to find ita"I build it. I build it taller than man and thus I make man grow. If the world is to be saved, it is necessarya"do you heara"absolutely necessary for you to be crucified, and I shall crucify you, like it or not; it is necessary for you to be resurrected, and I shall resurrect you, like it or not. For all I care you can sit here in your miserable village and manufacture cradles, troughs and children. If you want to know, I shall compel the air to take your shape. Body, crown of thorns, nails, blood ... The whole works is now part of the machinery of salvationa"everything is indispensable. And in every corner of the earth, innumerable eyes will look up and see you in the aira"crucified. They will weep, and the tears will cleanse their souls of all their sins. But on the third day I shall raise you from the dead, because there is no salvation without a resurrection. The final, the most horrible, enemy is death. I shall abolish death. How? By resurrecting you as Jesus, son of G.o.da"the Messiah!a aItas not true. Iall stand up and shout that I wasnat crucified, didnat rise from the dead, am not G.o.d! ... Why do you laugh?a aShout all you want. Iam not afraid of you. I donat even need you any more. The wheel you set in motion has gathered momentum: who can control it now? To tell you the truth, while you were talking there I felt for a minute like falling upon you and strangling you just in case you might accidentally reveal your ident.i.ty and show poor mankind that you werenat crucified. But I calmed down immediately. Why shouldnat he shout? I asked myself. The faithful will seize you, will throw you on the pyre for a blasphemer and burn you!a aI said only one word, brought only one message: Love. Lovea"nothing else.a aBy saying aLovea you let loose all the angels and demons that were asleep within the bowels of mankind. aLovea is not, as you think, a simple, tranquil word. Within it lie armies being ma.s.sacred, burning cities, and much blood. Rivers of blood, rivers of tears: the face of the earth has changed. You can cry now as much as you like; you can make yourself hoa.r.s.e yelling, aI didnat want to say thata"that is not love. Do not kill each other! Weare all brothers! Stop!a ... But how, poor wretch, can they stop? Whatas done is done!a aYou laugh like a devil.a aNo, like an apostle. I shall become your apostle whether you like it or not. I shall construct you and your life and your teachings and your crucifixion and resurrection just as I wish. Joseph the Carpenter of Nazareth did not beget you; I begot youa"I, Paul the scribe from Tarsus in Cilicia.a aNo! No!a aWho asked you? I have no need of your permission. Why do you stick your nose in my affairs?a Jesus collapsed onto the drying platform of the yard and sank his head between his knees, hopeless. How could he come to grips with this demon?
Paul stood over the prostrate Jesus and addressed him scornfully. aHow can the world be saved by you, Master Lazarus? What uplifted example do you offer the world to make it follow you? With you, will it surpa.s.s its own nature, will its soul sprout wings? If the world wants to be saved, it will listen to mea"me!a He looked around him. The yard was deserted. Curled up in one corner, his brilliantly white eyes rolling, the Negro was howling like a chained-in sheep dog. The women were in hiding; the neighbors had fled. But Paula"as though, to his eyes, the yard was a great boundless square filled with peoplea"mounted the platform with one hop and began to preach to the invisible mult.i.tude.
aBrothers, lift up your eyes. Look! On one side, Master Lazarus; on the other, Paul, the servant of Christ. Choose! If you go with him, with Master Lazarus, you will lead a life of poverty, bound to the treadmill; you will live and die as sheep live and diea"they leave behind them a little wool, a few bleats and a great deal of dung. If you come with me: love, struggle, wara"we shall conquer the world! Choose! On one side, Christ, the son of G.o.d, the salvation of the world; on the other, Master Lazarus!a He had caught fire. He swept his round eagle eyes over the invisible mult.i.tudes. His blood was boiling. The walls of the yard crumbled down; the Negro boy and Master Lazarus vanished. He heard a voice in the air.
aApostle of the nations, great soul, you who knead falsehood with your blood and tears and turn it into truth: take the lead and guide us. How far will we go?a Paul opened wide his arms. Embracing the whole world, he cried, aAs far as manas eye can reach. Even farther. As far as manas heart can reach! The world is largea"glory be to G.o.d! Beyond the land of Israel are Egypt, Syria, Phoenicia, Asia Minor, Greece and the large wealthy islands of Cypress, Rhodes and Crete. Farther away: Rome. Still farther, with their long blond tresses and double-edged hatchets: the Barbarians. ... What joy to set out early in the morning, the wind of the mountains or the sea in our faces, to hold the cross, to plant it in the rocks and in the hearts of mena"and to take possession of the world! What joy to be shunned, beaten, thrown in deep pits and killeda"all for the sake of Christ!a He came to himself and quieted down. The invisible mult.i.tude vanished into the air. He turned and saw Jesus, who was leaning now against the wall listening to him, aghast.
aFor the sake of Christ ... Not you, Master Lazarus, but the true Christa"my Christ!a Unable to control himself any longer, Jesus burst into sobs.
The young Negro approached him. aJesus of Nazareth,a he said softly, awhy are you crying?a aSecret companion,a Jesus murmured, ahow can anyone see the only way the world can be saved and not be forced to weep?a Paul now descended from the platform. The scanty hair on his head was steaming. He took off his sandals, banged them to remove the dust and turned toward the street door.
aI have shaken the dust of your house from my sandals,a he said to Jesus, who stood, abashed, in the middle of the yard. aFarewell! Hereas to good food, good wine, nice kisses, Master Lazarus, and a fine old age! And donat dare interfere with my work. If you do, youare finisheda"do you hear, Master Lazarusa"finished! But you mustnat get the wrong idea. Itas been delightful meeting you. Iave freed myself, and thatas just what I wanted: to get rid of you. Well, I did get rid of you and now Iam free; Iam my own boss. Farewell!a This said, he unbolted the door and with one bound was in the main road to Jerusalem.
aWhat a rush heas in!a said the Negro, going to the doorway and watching him with angry eyes. aHeas rolled up his sleeves and is running like a famished wolf, running to eat up the world.a He turned in order to enwrap Jesus in his craft, to conjure away the dangerous spirit which had come from the heavens to bother him. But Jesus had already stridden over the threshold. He stood in the middle of the road and with anguish and longing watched the wild apostle recede at a run into the distance. Terrible memories and yearnings which he had completely forgotten now rose up within him.
The Negro was frightened, and grasped him by the arm. aJesus,a he said softly, commandingly, aJesus of Nazareth, your mind is wavering. What are you looking at? Come inside!a But Jesus, silent and pale, jerked his arm and shook away the angelas hand.
aCome inside,a the other repeated angrily. aYouad better listen to what I say; you know well enough who I am.a aLeave me alone!a Jesus thundered, his eyes glued on Paul, who was finally about to disappear at the end of the road.
aDo you want to go with him?a aLeave me alone!a Jesus thundered once more. His teeth were chattering: he had felt a sudden chill.
aMary,a the Negro called, aMartha!a He held Jesus tightly around the waist so that he would not escape.
The two women heard and ran, with the mob of children behind them. The near-by doors opened, the neighbors emerged and formed a circle around Jesus, who stood in the middle of the road, as pale as a sheet. Suddenly his eyelids dropped, and quietly, gently, he rolled to the ground.
He felt himself being lifted up, put to bed, felt his temples being sprinkled with an essence of orange flowers, smelled the rose vinegar which was held before his nose. He opened his eyes, saw his two wives and smiled. When he glimpsed the Negro boy, he clasped his hand.
aTake hold of me well,a he said; ado not let me leave. I am fine here where I am.a