"Oh! that doesn"t matter at all," replied Squeers. "We don"t consider the boys" appet.i.tes at our establishment." This was strictly true; they did not.
"Every wholesome luxury, sir, that Yorkshire can afford," continued Squeers; "every beautiful moral that Mrs Squeers can instil; every-in short, every comfort of a home that a boy could wish for, will be theirs, Mr Snawley."
"I should wish their morals to be particularly attended to," said Mr Snawley.
"I am glad of that, sir," replied the schoolmaster, drawing himself up. "They have come to the right shop for morals, sir."
"You are a moral man yourself," said Mr Snawley.
"I rather believe I am, sir," replied Squeers.
"I have the satisfaction to know you are, sir," said Mr Snawley. "I asked one of your references, and he said you were pious."
"Well, sir, I hope I am a little in that line," replied Squeers.
"I hope I am also," rejoined the other. "Could I say a few words with you in the next box?"
"By all means," rejoined Squeers with a grin. "My dears, will you speak to your new playfellow a minute or two? That is one of my boys, sir. Belling his name is,-a Taunton boy that, sir."
"Is he, indeed?" rejoined Mr Snawley, looking at the poor little urchin as if he were some extraordinary natural curiosity.
"He goes down with me tomorrow, sir," said Squeers. "That"s his luggage that he is a sitting upon now. Each boy is required to bring, sir, two suits of clothes, six shirts, six pair of stockings, two nightcaps, two pocket-handkerchiefs, two pair of shoes, two hats, and a razor."
"A razor!" exclaimed Mr Snawley, as they walked into the next box. "What for?"
"To shave with," replied Squeers, in a slow and measured tone.
There was not much in these three words, but there must have been something in the manner in which they were said, to attract attention; for the schoolmaster and his companion looked steadily at each other for a few seconds, and then exchanged a very meaning smile. Snawley was a sleek, flat-nosed man, clad in sombre garments, and long black gaiters, and bearing in his countenance an expression of much mortification and sanct.i.ty; so, his smiling without any obvious reason was the more remarkable.
"Up to what age do you keep boys at your school then?" he asked at length.
"Just as long as their friends make the quarterly payments to my agent in town, or until such time as they run away," replied Squeers. "Let us understand each other; I see we may safely do so. What are these boys;-natural children?"
"No," rejoined Snawley, meeting the gaze of the schoolmaster"s one eye. "They ain"t."
"I thought they might be," said Squeers, coolly. "We have a good many of them; that boy"s one."
"Him in the next box?" said Snawley.
Squeers nodded in the affirmative; his companion took another peep at the little boy on the trunk, and, turning round again, looked as if he were quite disappointed to see him so much like other boys, and said he should hardly have thought it.
"He is," cried Squeers. "But about these boys of yours; you wanted to speak to me?"
"Yes," replied Snawley. "The fact is, I am not their father, Mr Squeers. I"m only their father-in-law."
"Oh! Is that it?" said the schoolmaster. "That explains it at once. I was wondering what the devil you were going to send them to Yorkshire for. Ha! ha! Oh, I understand now."
"You see I have married the mother," pursued Snawley; "it"s expensive keeping boys at home, and as she has a little money in her own right, I am afraid (women are so very foolish, Mr Squeers) that she might be led to squander it on them, which would be their ruin, you know."
"I see," returned Squeers, throwing himself back in his chair, and waving his hand.
"And this," resumed Snawley, "has made me anxious to put them to some school a good distance off, where there are no holidays-none of those ill-judged coming home twice a year that unsettle children"s minds so-and where they may rough it a little-you comprehend?"
"The payments regular, and no questions asked," said Squeers, nodding his head.
"That"s it, exactly," rejoined the other. "Morals strictly attended to, though."
"Strictly," said Squeers.
"Not too much writing home allowed, I suppose?" said the father-in-law, hesitating.
"None, except a circular at Christmas, to say they never were so happy, and hope they may never be sent for," rejoined Squeers.
"Nothing could be better," said the father-in-law, rubbing his hands.
"Then, as we understand each other," said Squeers, "will you allow me to ask you whether you consider me a highly virtuous, exemplary, and well-conducted man in private life; and whether, as a person whose business it is to take charge of youth, you place the strongest confidence in my unimpeachable integrity, liberality, religious principles, and ability?"
"Certainly I do," replied the father-in-law, reciprocating the schoolmaster"s grin.
"Perhaps you won"t object to say that, if I make you a reference?"
"Not the least in the world."
"That"s your sort!" said Squeers, taking up a pen; "this is doing business, and that"s what I like."
Having entered Mr Snawley"s address, the schoolmaster had next to perform the still more agreeable office of entering the receipt of the first quarter"s payment in advance, which he had scarcely completed, when another voice was heard inquiring for Mr Squeers.
"Here he is," replied the schoolmaster; "what is it?"
"Only a matter of business, sir," said Ralph Nickleby, presenting himself, closely followed by Nicholas. "There was an advertis.e.m.e.nt of yours in the papers this morning?"
"There was, sir. This way, if you please," said Squeers, who had by this time got back to the box by the fire-place. "Won"t you be seated?"
"Why, I think I will," replied Ralph, suiting the action to the word, and placing his hat on the table before him. "This is my nephew, sir, Mr Nicholas Nickleby."
"How do you do, sir?" said Squeers.
Nicholas bowed, said he was very well, and seemed very much astonished at the outward appearance of the proprietor of Dotheboys Hall: as indeed he was.
"Perhaps you recollect me?" said Ralph, looking narrowly at the schoolmaster.
"You paid me a small account at each of my half-yearly visits to town, for some years, I think, sir," replied Squeers.
"I did," rejoined Ralph.
"For the parents of a boy named Dorker, who unfortunately-"
"-unfortunately died at Dotheboys Hall," said Ralph, finishing the sentence.
"I remember very well, sir," rejoined Squeers. "Ah! Mrs Squeers, sir, was as partial to that lad as if he had been her own; the attention, sir, that was bestowed upon that boy in his illness! Dry toast and warm tea offered him every night and morning when he couldn"t swallow anything-a candle in his bedroom on the very night he died-the best dictionary sent up for him to lay his head upon-I don"t regret it though. It is a pleasant thing to reflect that one did one"s duty by him."
Ralph smiled, as if he meant anything but smiling, and looked round at the strangers present.
"These are only some pupils of mine," said Wackford Squeers, pointing to the little boy on the trunk and the two little boys on the floor, who had been staring at each other without uttering a word, and writhing their bodies into most remarkable contortions, according to the custom of little boys when they first become acquainted. "This gentleman, sir, is a parent who is kind enough to compliment me upon the course of education adopted at Dotheboys Hall, which is situated, sir, at the delightful village of Dotheboys, near Greta Bridge in Yorkshire, where youth are boarded, clothed, booked, washed, furnished with pocket-money-"
"Yes, we know all about that, sir," interrupted Ralph, testily. "It"s in the advertis.e.m.e.nt."
"You are very right, sir; it IS in the advertis.e.m.e.nt," replied Squeers.
"And in the matter of fact besides," interrupted Mr Snawley. "I feel bound to a.s.sure you, sir, and I am proud to have this opportunity OF a.s.suring you, that I consider Mr Squeers a gentleman highly virtuous, exemplary, well conducted, and-"
"I make no doubt of it, sir," interrupted Ralph, checking the torrent of recommendation; "no doubt of it at all. Suppose we come to business?"
"With all my heart, sir," rejoined Squeers. ""Never postpone business," is the very first lesson we instil into our commercial pupils. Master Belling, my dear, always remember that; do you hear?"
"Yes, sir," repeated Master Belling.
"He recollects what it is, does he?" said Ralph.
"Tell the gentleman," said Squeers.
""Never,"" repeated Master Belling.
"Very good," said Squeers; "go on."
"Never," repeated Master Belling again.
"Very good indeed," said Squeers. "Yes."
"P," suggested Nicholas, good-naturedly.
"Perform-business!" said Master Belling. "Never-perform-business!"
"Very well, sir," said Squeers, darting a withering look at the culprit. "You and I will perform a little business on our private account by-and-by."
"And just now," said Ralph, "we had better transact our own, perhaps."
"If you please," said Squeers.
"Well," resumed Ralph, "it"s brief enough; soon broached; and I hope easily concluded. You have advertised for an able a.s.sistant, sir?"
"Precisely so," said Squeers.
"And you really want one?"
"Certainly," answered Squeers.
"Here he is!" said Ralph. "My nephew Nicholas, hot from school, with everything he learnt there, fermenting in his head, and nothing fermenting in his pocket, is just the man you want."
"I am afraid," said Squeers, perplexed with such an application from a youth of Nicholas"s figure, "I am afraid the young man won"t suit me."
"Yes, he will," said Ralph; "I know better. Don"t be cast down, sir; you will be teaching all the young n.o.blemen in Dotheboys Hall in less than a week"s time, unless this gentleman is more obstinate than I take him to be."
"I fear, sir," said Nicholas, addressing Mr Squeers, "that you object to my youth, and to my not being a Master of Arts?"
"The absence of a college degree IS an objection," replied Squeers, looking as grave as he could, and considerably puzzled, no less by the contrast between the simplicity of the nephew and the worldly manner of the uncle, than by the incomprehensible allusion to the young n.o.blemen under his tuition.
"Look here, sir," said Ralph; "I"ll put this matter in its true light in two seconds."
"If you"ll have the goodness," rejoined Squeers.
"This is a boy, or a youth, or a lad, or a young man, or a hobbledehoy, or whatever you like to call him, of eighteen or nineteen, or thereabouts," said Ralph.
"That I see," observed the schoolmaster.
"So do I," said Mr Snawley, thinking it as well to back his new friend occasionally.
"His father is dead, he is wholly ignorant of the world, has no resources whatever, and wants something to do," said Ralph. "I recommend him to this splendid establishment of yours, as an opening which will lead him to fortune if he turns it to proper account. Do you see that?"
"Everybody must see that," replied Squeers, half imitating the sneer with which the old gentleman was regarding his unconscious relative.
"I do, of course," said Nicholas, eagerly.
"He does, of course, you observe," said Ralph, in the same dry, hard manner. "If any caprice of temper should induce him to cast aside this golden opportunity before he has brought it to perfection, I consider myself absolved from extending any a.s.sistance to his mother and sister. Look at him, and think of the use he may be to you in half-a-dozen ways! Now, the question is, whether, for some time to come at all events, he won"t serve your purpose better than twenty of the kind of people you would get under ordinary circ.u.mstances. Isn"t that a question for consideration?"
"Yes, it is," said Squeers, answering a nod of Ralph"s head with a nod of his own.
"Good," rejoined Ralph. "Let me have two words with you."
The two words were had apart; in a couple of minutes Mr Wackford Squeers announced that Mr Nicholas Nickleby was, from that moment, thoroughly nominated to, and installed in, the office of first a.s.sistant master at Dotheboys Hall.
"Your uncle"s recommendation has done it, Mr Nickleby," said Wackford Squeers.
Nicholas, overjoyed at his success, shook his uncle"s hand warmly, and could almost have worshipped Squeers upon the spot.
"He is an odd-looking man," thought Nicholas. "What of that? Porson was an odd-looking man, and so was Doctor Johnson; all these bookworms are."
"At eight o"clock tomorrow morning, Mr Nickleby," said Squeers, "the coach starts. You must be here at a quarter before, as we take these boys with us."
"Certainly, sir," said Nicholas.
"And your fare down, I have paid," growled Ralph. "So, you"ll have nothing to do but keep yourself warm."
Here was another instance of his uncle"s generosity! Nicholas felt his unexpected kindness so much, that he could scarcely find words to thank him; indeed, he had not found half enough, when they took leave of the schoolmaster, and emerged from the Saracen"s Head gateway.
"I shall be here in the morning to see you fairly off," said Ralph. "No skulking!"
"Thank you, sir," replied Nicholas; "I never shall forget this kindness."