The London-Bawd: With Her Character And Life

The London-Bawd: With Her Character and Life.

by Anonymous.

CHAP. I.

_Her Character: Or what she is._

A BAWD

Is the Refuse of an Old Wh.o.r.e, who having been burnt herself, does like Charcoal help to set greener Wood on Fire; She is one of Natures Errata"s, and a true Daughter of _Eve_, who having first undone herself, tempts others to the same Destruction. She has formerly been one of _Sampson"s Foxes_, and has carried so much fire in her Tail, as has burnt all those that have had to do with her: But the mark being out of her Mouth, and she grown past her own Labour, yet being a well-wisher to the Mathematicks, she sets up for a Procurer of fresh Goods for her old Customers. And so careful she is to help Men to good Ware, that she seldom puts a Comodity into their hands, but what has been try"d before; and having always prov"d well, thinks she can Warrant "em the better. She"s a great Preserver of Maiden-heads; for tho" she Exposes "em to every new Comer, she takes care that they shall never be lost: And tho" never so many get it, yet none carries it away, but she still has it ready for the next Customers. She thinks no Oracle like that of Fryar _Bacon_"s brazen-Head, and is very forward to tell you that _Time Was_ when the best Gentlemen wou"d have prefer"d her before any Lady in the Land: But when She repeats _Time"s Past_, She makes a Wicked Brazen Face, and even weeps in the Cup, to allay the Heat of her Brandy. She"s a great Enemy to all Enclosures, for whatever she has, she makes it common. She hates _Forty One_ as much as an old Cavalier, for at that Age she was forc"d to leave off Whoring and turn Bawd: Her Teeth are all fallen out; at which her Nose and her Chin are so much concern"d, that they intend to meet about it in a little time, and make up the difference. She"s the most like a _Medlar_ of any thing, for she"s never _ripe_ till she"s _rotten_. She is never without store of _Hackney Jades_, which she will let _any one Ride_, that will _pay for their hire_. She is the very Magazine of Taciturnity; for whatever she sees, she says nothing; it being a standing Maxim with her, _That they that cannot make Sport, shou"d spoil none_. She has Learnt so much Philosophy as to know that the Moon is a dark-Body, which makes her like it much better then the Sun, being more Suitable for her Business: Besides she"s still _changing Quarters_, now Waxing and then Waining, like her: Sometimes i"th"

Full, and flush"d with store of Customers; and at another time i"th" Wane, and beating Hemp in _Bridewel_. She has been formerly a Pretender to Musick, which makes her such a great Pract.i.tioner in _Pick-Song_, but She is most expert at a _Horn-Pipe_. She understands _Means_ a little, but _Trebles_ very well, and is her self a perfect _Base_. Tho" she lives after the Flesh, yet all is Fish that comes to her Net: For she is such a cunning Angler, that she don"t fear getting her Living by Hook or by Crook. She has Baits ready for all Fish, and seldom fails to catch some: Of a _Countrey-Gentleman_ she makes a _Cods-head_; and of _a rich Citizens Son_ a _Gudgeon_; _a Swordsman in Scarlet_, she takes for _Lobster_; and a severe _Justice of Peace_, she looks on as a _Crab_: Her _Poor Customers_, are like _Sprats_, and _Pilchards_, who are more considerable for their number than they are for their Value; whilst the _Punk_ is her _Salt Eel_, and the _Pander_ her _Shark_ and her _Swordfish_. Her Charity is very great, for she Entertains all Comers, and not only finds "em _Beds_, but _Bed-fellows_ too, of that s.e.x which shall be most agreeable to them; Which is a Conveniency a man may go to twenty _Honest-Houses_ and not Meet with.

She brings more _Wicked Wretches_ to Repentance than many a good _Preacher_; for, let "em be as stubborn as they will, yet she"ll leave them such a _Twinging Remembrance_ in their _Joynts_, that their very _Bones_ shall ake, but she"ll make them repent that e"er they had to do with her.

And to some Notorious Wretches, she"ll fix such a visible _Mark_ in their _Faces_, as shall make "em the Derision and the Loathing of all People; and so bring "em to Repentance _with a Pox to "em_. Yet she has very little _Conscience_, for she makes nothing of Selling _One Commodity_ to _Twenty Customers_: And for all she cheats them at that rate, she don"t fear loosing their Custom. She"s often _broke_, and as often _sets up again_; which She does without any great charge; for three strong Water-Bottles, Two ounces of Tobacco, and a Couple of Countrey Wenches, is as much as will set her up at any Time. Her Breath stinks worse than a Bear-garden, her Furniture consists of a Bed, a Plaister-Box and a Looking Gla.s.s: and a Pimp to bring in Customers. She sits continually at a Rack Rent, especially if her Landlord bears office in the Parish, because he may screen her from the Cart and _Bridewel_. She hath only this one shew of Temperance, that let any Gentleman send for Ten Pottles of Wine in her House, he shall have but Ten Quarts; and if he want it that way, let him pay for"t and take it out in Stew"d flesh. She has an Excellent Art in Transforming Persons, and can easily turn a Sempstress into a Waiting-Gentlewoman: But there is a kind of Infection that attends it, for it brings them to the falling Sickness. The Justices Clerk is her very good Friend, and often makes her Peace with the Justice of _Quorum_; for which when he makes her a Visit, She always help him to a fresh Bit, which She lets him have upon her Word; and a.s.sures him she won"t put a Bad Commodity into his Hand. There is nothing daunts her so much as the Approach of _Shrove-Tuesday_; for she"s more afraid of the Mob, than a Debtor of a Serjeant, Or a Bayliff in an Inns of Court. He that hath past under her hath past the Equinoctial; and he that escapes her, has Escap"d a Rock which Thousands have been split upon to their Destruction.

Thus have I briefly represented my Bawd unto the Readers View in her own proper Colours, and set her forth in a true Light. I will therefore thus conclude her Character.

__A Bawd_ is the chief instrument of evil,_ __Tempter_ to _Sin_, and _Factor_ for the _Devil__ _Whose sly Temptations has undone more Souls_ _Than there are Stars between the Worlds two Poles._ _She ruines _Families_ to advance her _Treasure_,_ _And reaps her _Profit_ out of others _Pleasure_:_ _Pleasures attended with so black a stain,_ _That they at last end in _Eternal Pain_._ _Her ways so various are, they"re hard to tell,_ _By which she does betray poor Souls to h.e.l.l._ _Smooth is her _Tongue_, and Subtile are her ways_ _And by _false Pleasures_ to _True Pain_ betrays._ _The _Bane of Virtue_, and the _Bawd_ to _Vice_,_ __Pander_ to _h.e.l.l_, is this _She-c.o.c.katrice_._ _She"s like the _Devil_, seeking every hour_ _Whom she may first _Decoy_, and then _Devour_:_ _Let every thinking Mortal then beware,_ _And, that he comes not near her House, take care:_ _For She"ll Betray (her fury is so fell)_ _Your _Body_ to the _Pox_, your _Soul_ to _h.e.l.l_._

CHAP. II.

_Of Pimps and Panders, what they are: with a Dialogue between a Wh.o.r.e, a Pimp, a Pander, an old Bawd, and a Prodigal Spend-Thrift about Preheminence._

In the House of Sin; I mean in a Bawdy House, there are other Instruments of Wickedness besides Bawds and Wh.o.r.es: For tho" the Bawd be the Person that keeps the House, and manages all in cheif, yet there are other Necessary Hangers-on belonging thereunto; and these are called Pimps and Panders, which are indeed a Sort of He-Bawds, and Procurers of Wh.o.r.es for other Men; of which one who is called a Pimp, is cheifly employ"d abroad, both to bring in Customers, and to procure such Wenches as are willing to be made Wh.o.r.es of: And these are a sort of Persons so far degenerated below humanity that they will sometimes procure their own Wives to be Wh.o.r.e for other Men. As an instance whereof, not long since two Men went into a House, to drink, not thinking it to be a Bawdy-House; but as soon as the Beer was brought in, there came in a Female Creature to "em, who quickly let "em understand what she was, and also in what sort of House they were got. One of them took her by the Hand, and Began to grow very familiar with her; and found he might have any Kindness from her which he had a mind to, for asking; but the other seeing him ingross the wench to himself, began to Storm, and Knock, and Call, at a strange rate; upon which the man of the House came up presently, and desir"d to know what was the matter? Why you Impudent Rascal, says he, have you but one Wh.o.r.e in the House, that you make me thus stand empty-handed, like a Jack-a-napes, while my Companion"s trading with the other? The Pimp seeing the Man in such a Pa.s.sion, Good Sir, says he be pacify"d, and I"ll go down and sent up my own Wife to wait upon ye: Which he did accordingly.--Those that are called Pandars, are in a strict sense such as keep always within doors, and have the management of matters in the House. These, are they that bring the Rogues, and Wh.o.r.es together, and wait upon them whilst they are acting of their filthiness.

These Brethren in iniquity with the rest of the Bawdy-house Crew, were in a hot Dispute about Priority, every one striving to be chief: And what their several Arguments were, I shall next give you an Account of; and afterwards shew you more of their Pranks. The first that stood upon her Pantables, as being chief, was the Wh.o.r.e, and thus it was she manag"d her Cause.

_Wh.o.r.e._ That I ought to take place of the rest, is what none can without Impudence and great Injustice deny me: For "tis I that bring in all your Livings, "tis I that venture my Carcase, nay, that venture my Soul too; and all to get an honest livelihood. Yes Mr. _Pimp_, for all your sneering, I say an honest livelihood; for I cheat no body, but pay for what I have, and make use of nothing but what"s my own, and that no body can hinder me from.

And I think "tis better for me, and less hazardous, to get my living by my Tail, then to turn Thief and steal from other Folks. Besides, I"ll suffer n.o.body to have to do with me, but What I like; nor lie with any but whom I love; I make no Price with any Man; but take what they freely give; and therefore I can"t properly be said to be a Wh.o.r.e, for Wh.o.r.es are they that trade for Hire and make Bargains before-hand, which I never do. And therefore seeing I maintain you all, you ought to acknowledge me to be the cheif, and give me the Preheminence; for you all live by the Blood that runs in my Veins; for did not my Beauty invite Men, and my Embraces please "em, you cou"dn"t all of you get water to wash your hands, but wou"d be as poor as so many Church-Mice.

To this the Pimp thus replyed.

_Pimp._ Your run too fast, Mrs _Minx_, and are a little too Confident: For tho "tis my place to attend, yet "tis I that give a Credit and Reputation to all you do; I walk along the Streets so boldly, and so spruce, and so all-to-be-sented with sweet Powder, c.o.c.king my Beaver and looking big, that I make the greatest Gallant I meet give me the Wall, as if I were a Person of Quality; And when any comes. .h.i.ther they are won by my complemental and genteel Discourse; my comely presence brings in many a Guest into the House, besides particular Acquaintance: So that I may well affirm I am the Prop of the House. If I didn"t introduce Gentleman into your Company, I wonder what you"d do; you might e"en sit still, and be forc"d to make use of a _d.i.l.d.o_, before any Body would come to you if it wan"t for me.

This Speech of the _Pimp_, stirr"d up the Fury of the _Pander_, who with a great deal of heat made him this Answer.

_Pander._ Thou prating c.o.c.ks...o...b..of a Pimp! Do"st think that I"m an Underling to thee! No I"d have you to know I"m above thee: We"ll quickly try which is the most useful. An"t I intrusted with all the Gentlemens Secrets; Don"t I keep the Door? Nay, been"t I the Overseer of all? Sure then I must be the better Man. Besides, I suit the Wenches with such Gallants as are of their own Complexions, and are the best liking to "em; and in all difficult Cases which happen, they still ask my advice, for giving which, I often get a double Fee. And if I stay at home, "tis only to make an a.s.s of thee whilst thou"rt abroad; for where thou get"st one Shilling a Broad, I get Five at Home. If I shou"d go away, I am sure the Custom wou"d quickly drop off; for I am the Person most respected by the Customers, and therefore I think I have the best t.i.tle of you all to Preheminence.

Old Mother d.a.m.nable the Bawd having stood by all this while, and heard all their Allegations, at last broke forth into a very great Laughter; and after having given vent to her Risible Faculty, made em" this Answer.

_Bawd._ I can"t chuse but laugh to hear the Fools prate about Preheminence: They would all fain be Masters, and yet they know they are but all my Servants; they make their Boast, of this and that, and talk of their great gains: and forget that I rule the Roast, and that both their gains and their very being here, depends upon my Pleasure: Pray Gentlemen, whose House is this? I hope you look upon the House to be mine, and I am sure I bought the Furniture. And yet you talk as if I had nothing to do here; whereas you might all have gone a Begging before now, if I had not took you into my Service. And you, Mrs. _Minx_ because you"re a little handsome, you begin to grow Proud and don"t consider that if I had"nt prefer"d you to the Station you are in, you must have been a Scullion-Wench, or gone to washing and Scowring: Was"nt it I that bought you those fine Cloths, put you into the Equipage you are in? Alas you were but a meer Novice in sinning till I put you into the way, and taught you. You have forgot how bashful you were at first, and how much ado I had to bring you to let a Gentleman take you by the _Tu quoque_. And now I have brought you to something, that you can get your own living, you begin to slite me.--And you Mr. _Pimp._ wa"n"t you a pitiful Rogue, till I took you into my Service? Pray who would have regarded you in those Rags I found you in? And now I have put you into a good Garb, and made a man of you, you wou"d fain be my Master, I warrant ye! But I"ll take care to hinder that; and if you don"t know your self, I do. Nay, there"s your Brother _Pander_ too, is e"en as bad, and can"t tell when he"s well; Because I allow him the vails belonging to his Place, he fancies himself a Master too, and wou"d have all be rul"d by his advice: But I shall make you know there"s two words to that Bargain. I think I shou"d know what belongs so such a House better than any of you all. I was brought up to"t when I was young: and spent my young days in Love my self; but being disabled by Age and Weakness, I had that Affection for the Trade, that I entertain"d others to carry it on; bringing "em up to my hand with much care; and therefore surely I must needs have more experience in it than another: and if you won"t acknowledge me to be the chief, and Mistress of you all, I"ll make you.

The old Bawd having made an End, and put to Silence all the other Boasts, there was a young Prodigal Spark that had wasted a fair Estate in being a Customer to her House, thought he had now a fit opportunity to put her in Mind of his own Merits, and therefore thus began.

_Prodigal._ I perceive you are all very ambitious of having the Preheminence; but to be plain with you, there"s no body deserves it but my self: For talk what you will, it is but prating to no purpose. You know the old Prover, _Talk is but Talk, but "tis Money buys Land_; and I am sure "twas only for Money to supply you withal, that I have sold mine. And therefore when you have all said what you can, what wou"d you all do, if I didn"t help you to Money? If I and such as I forsake your House, you may go Hang your selves. "Tis I that Satisfies the Wh.o.r.e, and pay the Fees of both the Pimp and Pander. And for you, Mrs. Bawd, what"er your layings out are, your comings in are chiefly from my hands; for you have neither House nor Lands to secure you; but "tis upon my Purse, that you depend; and I am he that keeps you all alive. And since I am at all this cost, it is just that it should be acknowledged, and that you all should own me for your Master.

Your own Interest speaks for me, and therefore I need say the less.

The Prodigal having made an end, they all agreed that it was best for them to hang together, since their Interest was all the same: And therefore each of them should keep their several Stations; and acknowledge the Bawd for their Mistress, and the young Spend-Thrift for their Benefactor.

CHAP. III.

_How a Young Woman, by the help of an Old _Bawd_, Enjoy"d her Lover and Deceiv"d her Husband._

Having already given you the Character of a _Bawd_, and shown you her Plea for Preheminence in the Art of Wickedness, I now come to shew you by what famous Atcheivements she comes to deserve it. And when you have seen her cunning in Contriving, and her Patience in Suffering; you must readily acknowledge she is one that spares no Pains to be Superlatively Wicked.

In the West of _England_ there lived not long since an Ancient Gentleman to whom Providence had been very propitious, in blessing him with a fair Estate, so that he wanted for no outward Accommodations that might make his Life as happy as he cou"d desire: This Gentleman, being an Old Batchelor, had more Wealth than Wisdom, and Desire to Act, than Ability to perform.

For nothing would serve his turn but a Wife; and she must be a Young one too; for tho" he was an Old Man yet he had young Inclinations, and fancies himself as brisk at Three-score and Ten, as when he was but Thirty: You may easiely imagine a Man of his Estate cou"d not be long without several Offers when his mind was known: For Wealth has so many Charms in it, that it often blinds the Eyes of Parents, and makes them mistake their true Interest, with respect to the Disposal of their Children; which consists not so much in being married to Rich Husbands, as to those that are suitable for them. The Beautiful young Daughter of a Decay"d Gentleman was offer"d to this Old Letcher, who being sensible that he could not expect a handsome young Wife with a great Fortune, readily acceps of this, who wanted no Accomplishments to render her a Bride worthy of a better Husband, or at least one more suitable: The young Gentlewoman, was not half so fond of the match as her Parents, who perswaded her to it; and as an Encouragement told her that her old Husband could not live long and when he dy"d, she wou"d have the Advantage of a good Estate to get her a better Husband; and tho she had but few Suitors now, for want of a Portion answerable to her Birth and Beauty, yet when the Case was so alter"d, she cou"d not be long without very advantagious offers: These Reasons prevail"d with the young Gentlewoman to accept of the Old Cuff for a Husband; and they were married accordingly.

But as I have already said, the Old Gentleman had more Desire than Ability; and the young Lady was fain to accept of his good Wishes instead of that due Benevolence which she had reason to expect from a Husband; the want of which made her too soon repent of what she found was now too late to help.

There unhappily happen"d to be not far from their House an Old Bawd that had been us"d to lend her Charitable a.s.sistance to distressed Ladies in such Cases; who having observ"d the late Languishing of the young Lady, rightly judged it proceeded from the Disappointment she met with from her Old Husband; this Embolden"d the old Bawd to take a convenient time to make her a Visit; and by such subtile Discourses as she us"d she soon found out the true Cause of the young Gentlewoman"s Discontent; upon which the Bawd discourses her in this manner:

Madam

_I hope you will excuse the Boldness I take to speak to you, which nothing cou"d have extorted from me, but the Compa.s.sion I have for you, to see so much Blooming Youth and Beauty cast away upon one that knows not how to make use of it; I am sensible that one of your Years and Gaity, can"t meet with a greater Affliction than to be thus under a Notion of being Married, depriv"d of the true ends of Marriage: "Tis like being married without a Husband, to be married to such a Husband as can do nothing. You know Madam, we are commanded to increase and multiply: But let the Soyl be fruitful as it will, there"s no encrease can be expected where no Seed is sown. This, Madam, makes me bold to tell you, that you are wanting to your self, and to the end of your Creation, if you don"t find out ways to supply that defect and disability, which through Extremity of Age your Husband labours under.

I am acquainted, with a Gentleman, brisk, young and airy, One that"s in the Flower of his Youth; That I am surely would gladly sacrifice himself and all he has to serve a Lady in your Circ.u.mstances; and I have that compa.s.sion for your Suffering that I would gladly lend my helping hand to bring so good a work as that about, that you might reap that Satisfaction which your Youth and Beauty calls for, and which your Husband is too impotent to give you._

The Bawd having made an end of her Harangue, the Gentlewoman told her she was much oblig"d to her for that sense she had of her Condition, which she acknowledg"d to be what she represented it: But told her she durst not make use of the Remedy, she had propounded, First, because it was Sinful, and Secondly because it was very hazardous; for her Husband being sensible of his own Imbecility, was so extreamly Jealous, tho she had never given him any Cause, it would render all attempts of that Nature very difficult to manage; and it would be much better to desist from attempting it, than to Miscarry in the Attempts.

The cunning Bawd observing that tho the young Gentlewoman had mention"d the Sinfulness of what she had propounded to her, yet she did not so much insist upon that, as on the hazard and difficulty of attempting it; which gave her so much Encouragement of Succeeding, that she told her, as to the Sinfulness of it, considering her Circ.u.mstances, she could not think it was any; for if she could have had the due benevolence from her Husband which he ought to give her, she would not have sought it elsewhere: And therefore if it was at all a Sin, it was a venial one, which might be easily forgiven: But as to the last, that it is hazardous and difficult because of your Husbands Jealousie, this is indeed chiefly to be considered; for Old men that can do nothing themselves, are the most Jealous least others should supply their Places: and yet notwithstanding all his Jealousie, leave but the management of that Affair to me, and tho, he had the Eyes of _Argus_, we"ll deceive him.

The Young Woman was soon perswaded to what she had before a Mind to. And therefore gives up herself intirely to the Conduct of this Old Bawd: Who told her she would acquaint the Gentleman that had so great a Pa.s.sion for her; that he was not unacceptable to her, and order him to pa.s.s by the door, to and fro, several times the next day, that so she might see him out of her Chamber-Window, after which Interview, they wou"d concert the measures that were to be taken, in order to their coming together. This being agreed upon, the old Bawd took her leave of the young Lady for that Time; and goes to a Spark with whom she was in Fee, and told him what a prize she had procured for him, and order"d him to Equip himself to the best advantage, and walk to and fro before the Window at such a time, when he should see her.

The Gallant was presently fired at the News; and resolved to omit nothing that might contribute to the Ladies satisfaction on his part: And therefore Finifies himself to such a degree, that no Beau in Town could exceed him, and walked upon the Parade according to the time appointed: The Lady on her part observing the time as exactly, in being at the Window; and all those Amorous Salutations past between them, which the distance of the Place would admit; both of them wishing with Equal desire, for an opportunity to quench their mutual Flames.

But this Interview was not so privately carried on, but it was perceived by the Old Gentleman, whose restless Jealousie kept him perpetually waking: He saw from the Chamber-Window where he was, the frequent Perambulation of the Amorous Gallant, and how he cast an Eye, as he pa.s.sed by at his Ladies Window: This made the old Gentleman to apprehend there must be something more than ordinary in those reiterated Walks of the young Gallant; which gave the old Impotent so sensible a Disquiet, that he resolved to know the Bottom of it. And without taking the least Notice of what he had perceiv"d, he seem"d more fond and good humour"d than ordinary towards his Lady; who on the contrary being now full of hopes she shou"d enjoy another that wou"d meet her Flames with equal Vigor, carry"d her self towards him with such a strange indifference as did but more confirm her Husband in his Jealousie: Who the next day inform"d his Lady that the Day following he must go out of Town about some Business he had in the Countrey, which wou"d necessitate his Absence from her for some Time; but told her that she must not take it ill, for he would hasten his Return with all the Expedition that his Business wou"d permit him.

He cou"d not have said any thing to"s Wife that wou"d have pleas"d her better, and "twas with some uneasiness that she conceal"d her Joy from being taken Notice of: However, that she might the better hide it, she told him she shou"d think each day a year till his return, and then she kist him with so much seeming Pa.s.sion, that she was like to have spoil"d all, and had almost perswaded the old Gentleman to lay aside the thoughts of his pretended Journey.

The young Lady took care to acquaint the Bawd with these Good Tidings, who was very well pleas"d therewith: and promis"d to give notice to her _Inamorato_, who was equally pleas"d with the expectation he had of his near-approaching Felicity. And thus far things went according to their hearts desire.

The Day being come of the Old Gentlemans Departure, he got up very Early in the Morning and with all the (seemingly) most endeared Carresses on both sides, he took leave of his Lady. And having rid a Mile or two out of Town, to a Friend and Confident of his, he there left his Horses and Servants, and in the Evening return"d privately to his own House.

The Old Bawd having had word sent her by the Lady that her Husband was gone out of Town, acquaints the Gallant therewith and orders him in the Evening to be ready by such a time, and that he should Walk to and fro, before the Door, till such a time as he should be call"d in: Which he promis"d faithfully to do, and was at his Post accordingly.

The Lady had made all things ready for the Entertaining her Gallant; a Splendid Banquet being provided for him before he went to his Amorous Engagement; and being just ready to call him in, her Husband (who had been concealed near the House for some time, and seen the suspected Gallant walk to and fro in the Street,) suddenly enters the House, and finding such a Banquet ready prepared, no longer doubted but it was to entertain him; and therefore hastily calls for his Wife, and asks her the meaning of those Preparations, and who that Banquet was design"d for? The young Lady, surpriz"d and confounded at her Husbands unexpected Return, was at a Loss what to answer him; but plucking up her Spirits as well as she could, told him that she was resolv"d to surprize him, as well as he was to surprize her; for being inform"d that he had chang"d his mind, and was returning home, thinking to surprize her, she intended by that banquet to surprize him at his Return. This answer of hers, as plausible as it seem"d, he was sure was altogether False; and therefore taking her by the Shoulder, he with a stern and angry Countenance said, No, thou Disloyal Strumpet: it is not such a poor Excuse as this shall serve thy Turn; I am not to be deceiv"d; I saw that l.u.s.tful Leacher walking at the Door for whom this Banquet was prepar"d; and had I but been Arm"d, I would have given him another sort of Entertainment than that which you design"d him; But since your l.u.s.t"s so hot, I"ll see if I can"t cure it; and with that he dragg"d her out of doors, and stripp"d her Naked, and so led her into a Pond he had within his Yard; and there he ty"d her fast unto a Post which was plac"d in the midst of it; telling her that by to morrow-morning he hop"d she wou"d be something cooler; whilst she in vain protests her Innocency, and intreats him to release her. And having left her in this cold Condition, Locks up his Servants in their Chambers, and taking all the Keys into his own Possession, he repairs to Bed.

Her Spark in the mean time, weary with so long walking before the Door, and wondring that he wan"t admitted, repairs to the old Bawd to know the reason of it; She was as much concern"d at it as he; but having had a Key from the young lady, by which she might at any time come in at the back-Door, desir"d him to stay there, whilst she went to the House to see what was the matter: And having open"d the back Gate which led into the Court where the Pond was, she straight saw the Lady in the Pond, in the same Station as her Husband left her; And coming towards her, with a low voice, enquired into the cause of her Calamity.

O (said the Lady to her) you have ruin"d me for ever, your Cursed Counsel has undone me; your Eyes are Witnesses to what disgrace and misery it has already expos"d me; And what the end will be, I know not. Why, said the Bawd, you have not seen your Gallant, without you had some other than he which I design"d to help you to.--No, no, reply"d the Lady, I had prepar"d for his Reception; and just as I was ready to have call"d him in, my Husband came, and unexpectedly surpris"d me. And seeing the Banquet I had made, grew into such a rage, that he has dealt with me thus barbarously--Well, said the Bawd, if this be all, take Courage; you shall be even with him still, and if you"ll but be ruled by me, the Jealous Dotard shall be made a Cuckold before to morrow-morning: Your Spark is at my House waiting for my Return. I"ll take your place, and you shall put my Cloaths on, and go meet him there, and take your fill of Loves Enjoyments, and then return again to me.

The young Lady, who was extreamly troubled at her late Disappointment, and her Husbands cruel Usage, and perceiveing that these things was feizable, she took the offer"d Counsel; and the Old Bawd having soon stript herself, and releas"d the young Lady, took her place in the Pond, whilst she went forth to the Bawds Apartment, and there met with her Gallant, who at first by her Garb took her for the Bawd, but was well pleas"d to find himself mistaken: And being told how matters stood, they made use of their time; and esteem"d themselves much beholden to the Bawd, by whose contrivance they thus come together; whilst she did greater Pennance, and under-went more Pain to procure their Pleasure, then they were then aware of: For the old Gentleman not being Satisfied in that Revenge he had taken on his Wife, for her making him a Cuckold; resolved to punish her farther, and so rises out of his Bed, and goes down to the side of the Pond; and there calls her a thousand Wh.o.r.es and Strumpets; Did not I (says he) take you in a manner without a Smock to your a.r.s.e, and desired no Portion with you, on purpose that you might be a dutiful and kind Wife, and maintain"d you as well as any Lady in the Land? And is this the requital that you make me, you impudent Strumpet? Tell me, who was it that advis"d you to this wickedness?

The Old Bawd to whom all this was spoken (tho" he thought it had been to his Wife) durst not reply one word; and resolv"d, whatever he said, she wou"d not answer him; which so much enrag"d him, that he said, What! Am I not worth an Answer then? I"ll make you an Example to all Wh.o.r.es that abuse their Husbands; and then pulling his Knife out of Pocket, he comes to her, and cuts off her Nose, and flings it in her Face; Now, Strumpet says he, take that for your Whoring, and present it to your Gallant: And having said that, he left her, and went up to his Bed, Leaving the old Bawd in a miserable condition. But it was not long after, that the Lady having satiated herself with her Gallant, & taken her leave of him, return"d to the Pond, to relieve the Poor Bawd, Who told her what had happen"d since her Departure: At which the Lady was more disturb"d than even the Bawd her self; and was once thinking of running quite away from her b.l.o.o.d.y Husband: But the Bawd being a cunning old Jade, doc.u.ments her thus: "Tis true, says she, it has fallen out very unhappily for me; but since that is now too late to help, I must make me a mends: But nothing could have fallen out more happily for you, if you will follow my direction; which is, That as soon as I am gone, you Complain in a low Voice of the Cruelty of your Husband in abusing and wronging his Chaste and Innocent Wife, in so shameful a manner, as the cutting of your Nose, & defacing your Beauty: And then Pray to all the Blessed Saints above that are Protectors of Chast.i.ty, that they wou"d miraculously restore your Nose and Beauty again; and soon after, break out into Thanksgivings for having your Nose restored; and this will pa.s.s for a Miracle, and so Vindicate your Innocency that you will never more be suspected. And I hope you will make me amends for what I have suffer"d for you. This the young Lady faithfully promis"d; and so the Bawd went home to provide for her own Cure, leaving the Lady fast ty"d as she was at first by her Husband.

The Bawd was no sooner gone, and the Coast clear, but the Lady, fetching a great sigh, breaks forth into this doleful Lamentation,--_O unhappy Woman!