PROFESSOR--Take a train of thought, my boy.
SMITH--They say that after a time the engineer of a limited flyer loses his nerve.
JONES--The engineer, perhaps, but not the Pullman porter!
"What do you mean by referring to Miss Elderly as a pall-bearer?"
"She sits around all day long with a green parrot on her shoulder. I don"t like such Poll-bearers."
COURTNEY--When you proposed to Miss Dexter did you get down on your knees?
BARCLAY--No, I couldn"t; she was sitting on them.
KICKSY--Wife, can you tell me why I am like a hen?
MRS. KICKSY--No, dear, why is it?
KICKSY--Because I can seldom find anything where I laid it yesterday.
"Did you ever hear about the two holes in our back-yard?"
"Well! Well!"
"Old Jones was killed last night by a dew-drop."
"Must have been a very heavy one."
"About four hundred tons."
"Horrible!"
"You see he was standing under the trestle, and a freight train ran off the track and dropped on him."
"But how about the dew?"
"Why, the train was due!"
FIRST DOCTOR--Well, doctor, I had a peculiar case to-day.
SECOND DOCTOR--What was it, please?
FIRST DOCTOR--I attended a gra.s.s widow who is afflicted with hay fever.
FRED--Did you hear of The Western Furniture Co. advertising for models.
d.i.c.k--What for?
FRED--To try on Parlor suits.
"Yes, there is one part of the dough-nut that wouldn"t give you dyspepsia."
"And what part is that?"
"The hole in the middle!"
FANNIE--Why do people always apply the name of "she" to a city?
GEORGE--I don"t know. Why is it?
FANNIE--Because every city has outskirts.
"And you really believe that Friday is an unlucky day?"
"I know it is."