"Yes, that is what I remarked."
"That"s queer," said the clerk, "you"re the fourth man to-day who thought I owned this hotel."
"I know a man who says he can"t sit down and he can"t stand up."
"Well, if he tells the truth, he lies."
Mirrors reflect without speaking and women often speak without reflecting.
A mechanic his labor will often discard, If the rate of his pay he dislikes: But a clock-and its case is uncommonly hard-- Will continue to work though it _strikes_!
"I don"t think my religion will be any obstacle to your church,"
he urged; "I am a spiritualist."
"I am afraid it will," she replied "Pa is a prohibitionist, you know."
"One day in the dining-car, the boy across the aisle got to laughing so, he couldn"t stop. I said to his mother, "that boy needs a spanking." She said, "well, I don"t believe in spanking a boy on a full stomach." I said, "neither do I. Turn him over-""
The tramp should never complain of hunger when he can always enjoy a little loaf.
"My face is my fortune, sir," she said, But her suitor saw right through her; She meant she could not cash a check, Unless the banker knew her.
"I understand that Judge Brown is breaking up housekeeping."
"That can"t be. He"s very busy these days deciding divorce cases."
"Well, isn"t that what I said?"
"That was a pretty good dog story, wasn"t it?" asked Dinwiddie, as he finished telling one.
"Yes," replied Gaswell; "but it was too long. It ought to have been curtailed."
Casey bet on a horse which finished last. He went down to the paddock, called out the jockey who had ridden him and said: "In hivin"s name, young man, phwat delayed you?"
"And you really think that a miss is as good as a mile?"
"Yaas, and a good deal better, for one can kiss a miss, when one couldn"t kiss a mile, don"cher know?"
FRIEND--Do you permit your wife to have her own way?
HUSBAND (positively)--No, sir. She has it without my permission.
"I"m not surprised that hair-dressers feel so much at ease in the society of the great."
"You"re not?"
"No; they are surrounded at home by any number of big-wigs."
She--They say the eyes are the windows of the soul, I believe.
He--Yes; and when a man goes into a drug store and shuts a window quickly, the clerk knows just about what the poor soul wants.
BOY (with new gun)--"Pa, has a cat got nine lives?"