"I have some business with him, therefore I also made that inquiry, but no one can tell me."
"How long is it since he left?"
"About a month."
"Could any one show me the house of Haro Mani _Boisnavi_, of this village?"
"Haro Mani"s house stood by the roadside; but it exists no longer, it has been destroyed by fire."
Nagendra pressed his forehead. In a weak voice he asked, "Where is Haro Mani?"
"No one can say. Since the night her house was burned she has fled somewhere. Some even say that she herself set fire to it."
In a broken voice Nagendra asked, "Did any other woman live in her house?"
"No. In the month _Sraban_ a stranger, falling sick, stayed in her house. She was placed there by the _Brahmachari_. I heard her name was Surja Mukhi. She was ill of consumption; I attended her, had almost cured her. Now--"
Breathing hard, Nagendra repeated, "Now?"
"In the destruction of Haro Mani"s house the woman was burnt."
Nagendra fell from his chair, striking his head severely. The blow stunned him. The doctor attended to his needs.
Who would live in a world so full of sorrow? The poison tree grows in every one"s court. Who would love? to have one"s heart torn in pieces.
Oh, Creator! why hast Thou not made this a happy world? Thou hadst the power if Thou hadst wished to make it a world of joy! Why is there so much sorrow in it?
When, at evening, Nagendra Natha left Madhupur in his palanquin, he said to himself--
"Now I have lost all. What is lost--happiness? that was lost on the day when Surja Mukhi left home. Then what is lost now--hope? So long as hope remains to man all is not lost; when hope dies, all dies."
Now, therefore, he resolved to go to Govindpur, not with the purpose of remaining, but to arrange all his affairs and bid farewell to the house. The zemindari, the family house, and the rest of his landed property of his own acquiring, he would make over by deed to his nephew, Satish Chandra. The deed would need to be drawn up by a lawyer, or it would not stand. The movable wealth he would send to Kamal Mani in Calcutta, sending Kunda Nandini there also. A certain amount of money he would reserve for his own support in Government securities. The account-books of the estate he would place in the hands of Srish Chandra.
He would not give Surja Mukhi"s ornaments to his sister, but would keep them beside him wherever he went, and when his time came would die looking at them. After completing the needful arrangements he would leave home, revisit the spot where Surja Mukhi had died, and then resume his wandering life. So long as he should live he would hide in some corner of the earth.
Such were Nagendra"s thoughts as he was borne on in his palanquin; its doors were open, the night was lightened by the October moon, stars shone in the sky. The telegraph-wires by the wayside hummed in the wind; but on that night not even a star could seem beautiful in the eyes of Nagendra, even the moonlight seemed harsh. All things seemed to give pain. The earth was cruel. Why should everything that seemed beautiful in days of happiness seem to-day so ugly? Those long slender moonbeams by which the heart was wont to be refreshed, why did they now seem so glaring? The sky is to-day as blue, the clouds as white, the stars as bright, the wind as playful; the animal creation, as ever, rove at will. Man is as smiling and joyous, the earth pursues its endless course, family affairs follow their daily round. The world"s hardness is unendurable. Why did not the earth open and swallow up Nagendra in his palanquin?
Thus thinking, Nagendra perceived that he was himself to blame for all. He had reached his thirty-third year only, yet he had lost all.
G.o.d had given him everything that makes the happiness of man. Riches, greatness, prosperity, honour--all these he had received from the beginning in unwonted measure. Without intelligence these had been nothing, but G.o.d had given that also without stint. His education had not been neglected by his parents; who was so well instructed as himself? Beauty, strength, health, lovableness--these also nature had given to him with liberal hand. That gift which is priceless in the world, a loving, faithful wife, even this had been granted to him; who on this earth had possessed more of the elements of happiness? who was there on earth to-day more wretched? If by giving up everything, riches, honour, beauty, youth, learning, intelligence, he could have changed conditions with one of his palanquin-bearers, he would have considered it a heavenly happiness. "Yet why a bearer?" thought he; "is there a prisoner in the gaols of this country who is not more happy than I? not more holy than I? They have slain others; I have slain Surja Mukhi. If I had ruled my pa.s.sions, would she have been brought to die such a death in a strange place? I am her murderer.
What slayer of father, mother, or son, is a greater sinner than I? Was Surja Mukhi my wife only? She was my all. In relation a wife, in friendship a brother, in care a sister, abounding in hospitality, in love a mother, in devotion a daughter, in pleasure a friend, in counsel a teacher, in attendance a servant! My Surja Mukhi! who else possesses such a wife? A helper in domestic affairs, a fortune in the house, a religion in the heart, an ornament round the neck, the pupil of my eyes, the blood of my heart, the life of my body, the smile of my happiness, my comfort in dejection, the enlightener of my mind, my spur in work, the light of my eyes, the music of my ears, the breath of my life, the world to my touch! My present delight, the memory of my past, the hope of my future, my salvation in the next world! I am a swine--how should I recognize a pearl?"
Suddenly it occurred to him that he was being borne in a palanquin at his ease, while Surja Mukhi had worn herself out by travelling on foot. At this thought Nagendra leaped from the palanquin and proceeded on foot, his bearers carrying the empty vehicle in the rear. When he reached the bazaar where he had arrived in the morning he dismissed the men with their palanquin, resolving to finish his journey on foot.
"I will devote my life to expiating the death of Surja Mukhi. What expiation? All the joys of which Surja Mukhi was deprived in leaving her home, I will henceforth give up. Wealth, servants, friends, none of these will I retain. I will subject myself to all the sufferings she endured. From the day I leave Govindpur I will go on foot, live upon rice, sleep beneath a tree or in a hut. What further expiation?
Whenever I see a helpless woman I will serve her to the utmost of my power. Of the wealth I reserve to myself I will take only enough to sustain life; the rest I will devote to the service of helpless women.
Even of that portion of my wealth that I give to Satish, I will direct that half of it shall be devoted during my life to the support of dest.i.tute women. Expiation! Sin may be expiated, sorrow cannot be.
The only expiation for sorrow is death. In dying, sorrow leaves you: why do I not seek that expiation?"
Then covering his face with his hands, and remembering his Creator, Nagendra Natha put from him the desire to seek death.
CHAPTER x.x.xI.
THOUGH ALL ELSE DIES, SUFFERING DIES NOT.
Srish Chandra was sitting alone in his _boita khana_ one evening, when Nagendra entered, carpet-bag in hand, and throwing the bag to a distance, silently took a seat. Srish Chandra, seeing his distressed and wearied condition, was alarmed, but knew not how to ask an explanation. He knew that Nagendra had received the _Brahmachari"s_ letter at Benares, and had gone thence to Madhupur. As he saw that Nagendra would not begin to speak, Srish Chandra took his hand and said--
"Brother Nagendra, I am distressed to see you thus silent. Did you not go to Madhupur?"
Nagendra only said, "I went."
"Did you not meet the _Brahmachari_?"
"No."
"Did you find Surja Mukhi? Where is she?"
Pointing upwards with his finger, Nagendra said, "In heaven."
Both sat silent for some moments; then Nagendra, looking up, said, "You do not believe in heaven. I do."
Srish Chandra knew that formerly Nagendra had not believed in a heaven, and understood why he now did so--understood that this heaven was the creation of love.
Not being able to endure the thought that Surja Mukhi no longer existed, he said to himself, "She is in heaven," and in this thought found comfort.
Still they remained silent, for Srish Chandra felt that this was not the time to offer consolation; that words from others would be as poison, their society also. So he went away to prepare a chamber for Nagendra. He did not venture to ask him to eat; he would leave that task to Kamal.
But when Kamal Mani heard that Surja Mukhi was no more, she would undertake no duty. Leaving Satish Chandra, for that night she became invisible. The servants, seeing Kamal Mani bowed to the ground with hair unbound, left Satish and hurried to her. But Satish would not be left; he at first stood in silence by his weeping mother, and then, with his little finger under her chin, he tried to raise her face.
Kamal looked up, but did not speak. Satish, wishing to comfort his mother, kissed her. Kamal caressed, but did not kiss him, nor did she speak. Satish put his hand on his mother"s throat, crept into her lap, and began to cry. Except the Creator, who could enter into that child"s heart and discern the cause of his crying?
The unfortunate Srish Chandra, left to his own resources, took some food to Nagendra, who said: "I do not want food. Sit down, I have much to say to you; for that I came hither." He then related all that he had heard from Ram Kristo Rai, and detailed his designs for the future.
After listening to the narration, Srish Chandra said: "It is surprising that you should not have met the _Brahmachari_, as it is only yesterday he left Calcutta for Madhupur in search of you."
"What?" said Nagendra; "how did you meet with the _Brahmachari_?"
"He is a very n.o.ble person," answered Srish. "Not receiving a reply to his letter to you, he went to Govindpur in search of you. There he learned that his letter would be sent on to Benares. This satisfied him, and without remark to any one he went on his business to Purushuttam. Returning thence, he again went to Govindpur. Still hearing nothing of you, he was informed that I might have news. He came to me the next day, and I showed him your letter. Yesterday he started for Govindpur, expecting to meet you last night at Ranigunj."
"I was not at Ranigunj last night," said Nagendra. "Did he tell you anything of Surja Mukhi?"
"I will tell you all that to-morrow," said Srish.
"You think my suffering will be increased by hearing it. Tell me all,"
entreated Nagendra.
Then Srish Chandra repeated what the _Brahmachari_ had told him of his meeting Surja Mukhi by the roadside, her illness, medical treatment, and improvement in health. Omitting many painful details, he concluded with the words: "Ram Kristo Kai did not relate all that Surja Mukhi had suffered."