If youve come to defend him, Mama, dont. I aint in the mood to hear him defended.
She ran her hand along the top of the stables closed half-door. You know, Rafe, it was both of us decided to tamper with your magic. Both of us who thought it best you didnt know. You cant be angry with your father, and not be angry with me.
Dont worry, Mama, he said, soothing the horse as it flinched. Im angry with you, too.
She mightve smiled, if she hadnt been so close to weeping. Were we wrong, to keep it from you? Really? With you stealing spells from Arlin Garrick? Sneaking into your fathers library and fuddling with private things? Dangerous things? Should we have trusted you with all that power when it turns out we couldnt trust you to do as you were told? To believe us when we said it was so important for you to be careful?
He flushed. I was a sprat, Mama. Every sprat gets up to mischief.
Mischief, yes, she agreed. Dancing leaves and cracking stones, thats mischief. Slopping water in your bath. But Rafel I know! he said, goaded. I shouldnt have done those other things. I knew they were wrong when I did them, and I did them anyway, and Im sorry. Nowt bad happened, but still. Im sorry.
The chestnut stallion swished its tail, head tossing, not liking raised voices. Rafel soothed the animal again, then reached into his grooming box for a fresh bandage to wrap around its injured leg.
Did you really tell Goose youd go with him over the mountains? she asked. Or was that something you said because youre angry with your fatherand you wanted to hurt him?
Stung, he looked up again. You think Id do that?
I dont know, she said, after a moment. You might. Youve been soso gnarly since Westwailing Harbour.
You saying I aint got the right to be fratched?
Oh, Rafel. She had to blink back tears. Im saying whats done cant be undone. Im saying your father and I love you very, very much, and if weve made mistakes its because we love you, not because we want to hurt you. If its a crime for parents to protect their child, then were guilty, no argument, and you must sentence us as you see fit.
Rafel pinned his stallions bandage in place, then stood. Stroked his hand down the horses long, gleaming neck. Glanced up, frowning, as rain began to drum on the tiled stable roof.
I did tell Goose Id go with him, he said, not looking at her. But on my way home I changed my mind.
Why?
Why dyou think? he said roughly. Cause I knew what me going would do to Da.
She considered him. Five minutes ago, surely, hed been her little boy. Smiles and giggles and kisses at bedtime. Now here he stood before her, a man, with a mans anger and a mans pride. His fathers prideand his courage.
Hes his fathers son. And isnt that the problem?
Not me, Rafe? she said at last. You didnt worry what your leaving would do to me?
Mama Pushing past the horse, he reached for her across the stable door. Of course I dont want to fret you. But youre the strongest person I know. Youre Jervales Heir. And Dawhat happened in Westwailinghes nothes not as strong as he used to be, Mama. He aint been for years. Andand She framed his dear, sweet face with her hands. Kissed him on both cheeks. Leaned her forehead to his. Smiled as his hands came to rest on her shoulders. I know.
He just fratched me all over again, Rafel muttered. He didnt give me a chance to explain. When I said Goose was going with Pintte and Baden, he jumped on me with both feet. And II She kissed him again. Its all right, Rafe. I know what hes like.
And now Ive got to go back on my word to Goose. He sounded so young. There were tears in his voice. What kind of a friend does that make me?
Rafe, h.e.l.l understand. Hed never expect you to choose him over your family. Would you blame him if he had to put his father ahead of you?
Turning away, he smeared his sleeve over his face. No. Course I wouldnt.
Well, then.
Its just His face twisted. Im scared for him, Mama. This expedition I know. She managed a small smile, for his sake. Well just have to say our prayers hard, wont we, that your fathers wrong for once. Now, are you coming in? Its nigh on supper and you know how I hate it when youre late to the table.
That provoked a snort of amus.e.m.e.nt. Ill be in soon, I promise.
Ill hold you to that, she said. And Rafe She had to wait a moment. Make peace with your father.
He sighed. Mama Please, Rafel. For me?
I will, he said eventually. For you. But in my own timeand in my own way.
She wanted more, but couldnt ask for it. Some of this was Ashers fault, after all. And hers. So she smiled at her son, and blew him a final kiss, and left him to fuss with his precious stallion.
Most all of Dorana City and half the rest of Lur, it seemed, turned out to farewell Fernel Pintte and Sarle Badens expedition. Dathne took Deenie and Charis to stand with her on the steps of Justice Hall, a goodly vantage point to see Barlsman Jaffee and a whole flock of lesser clerics bless the expedition members who were set to gather in the Market Square before riding off towards the Black Woods, and the mountains. Rafel was out there somewhere too, on his lonesome. Saying a private goodbye to his best friend Goose.
Asher kept company with Pellen, ailing in his feather bed. It was his second visit since coming home from the coast. During the first, his friend had taken poorly again and hed gone home so frighted it was hard to eat or sleep. Whatever Kerril had done in the meantime, it seemed to have helped.
For now.
I suppose, said Pellen, his face sallow and deeply lined, his voice pale and breathless, the Council couldve chosen worse than Rubin Stott to take over from Pintte as mayor. Pour me some water, would you?
Asher half filled a gla.s.s from the pitcher on the bedside table, and watched as Pellen tried not to spill it, drinking. Seein as how you hired on Stott to be your deputy, reckon you aint wrong. He took the emptied gla.s.s back, pretending not to notice the tremor in Pellens fingers. And seein as how they had to nigh twist his arm off at the elbow afore hed do it, Id say they chose right. Any man as wants power be ezackly the wrong man to have it.
Agreed, said Pellen, then coughed tearingly into his kerchief. When he took the linen away from his lips, Asher saw fresh blood on it. Couldnt quite hide his horror, or dismay.
Pellen Now, now, said Pellen, gently chiding. You can put away that long face. Kerrils potions keep me brisk enough.
Aye, but can they cure you?
No, Pellen said at last, staring at the bloodstained linen. No, Im sorry to say they cant do that.
He had to clear his throat. You told Charis?
No. Not yet, Pellen admitted. Cowardly of me but in this, Ill gladly cling to cowardice. You and Dathneyoull stand for her, once Im gone?
Dont ask stupid questions, he snapped. Anger kept the grief at bay. Course we b.l.o.o.d.y will.
Forgive me, said Pellen. I get anxious. Shes a clever la.s.s, but young to be left alone in these uncertain times.
Uncertain times. Aye, well, that were one way of puttin it. Mself, Id call em b.l.o.o.d.y awful.
Pellen was staring at him closely, his dark eyes clouded a little and sunk deeply in their sockets, purplish shadows beneath them. He looked a mortal sick man. Surely Charis had guessed. Which meant father and daughter were keepin secrets from each other. But if that got em through each painful day, who was he to look sideways? Turned out that as a da, he werent no sinkin great shakes.
This isnt your fault, you know, Asher, Pellen said quietly. No more than Westwailing was. You did your best to stop Pintte and the others. If they choose to ignore you, the blame belongs to them. Theres not a man alive or dead whos fought harder for this kingdom. You mustnt reproach yourself.
Pellen were a good friend, trying to make him feel better, but nothing could do that. Dread was in him, hollowing his heart.
His good friends thin face turned brooding. You still think the expedition is doomed?
Dont matter a flys fart what I think, Pellen, he said, shrugging. Aint n.o.body interested in what I got to say.
Asher Pellen shifted against his pillows. He still wont speak to you?
Rafel. A week since their fight, and his son was yet to say a kind word to him. It wasnt just Goose, of course. It were Westwailing and his magic, too. Everything between them a tangled, gnarly mess.
He shook his head. No.
Im sorry, said Pellen. Children. How empty our lives would be without them and how much less painful.
Pellens easy sympathy made his eyes burn. I dont care, he said, knowing it was a lie, knowing Pellen knew it too. He can hate me till the day he dies, so long as he lives long enough to die an ole man. I couldnt let him go, Pellen. It be true I cant prove the expeditions headin for disaster, but His clenched fist struck his chest, which hurt with every breath. I feel it. In my b.l.o.o.d.y bones, I feel it. So how could I let him go? If I gave in if I said him likin me were more important than him livin? Be faster and kinder to cut his throat mself.
He heard his voice break, and was shamed. He had no business weighin Pellen down with his troubles. His friend were dyin; he didnt need more strife in his dish.
Asher, said Pellen, and reached out his hand. Dont. Rafels angry, I know, but anger doesnt last forever.
He looked at the thin fingers resting on his arm. Not for some folk, mayhap. But my family? We aint of the mood as forgives and forgets. Look at Zeth. Hates me as much today as he did the day our da died. As he did the day our ma died. The day she b.l.o.o.d.y birthed me, cause he didnt reckon they needed another mouth to feed.
Pellen snorted. Rafel is not your misery-loving brother. Hes your son and he loves you.
Hes a man, Pellen, he said bleakly. And Im treatin him like a sprat. That Gooseif somethin happens to him when somethin happens to him Grief threatened to break him again, and he had to stop a moment to blink, and breathe hard. I had words with Gooses da, yknow. Tried to talk him into stoppin his son from throwin his life away on Pinttes say-so. But he wouldnt listen, the b.l.o.o.d.y fool.
And what does Dathne say?
Not a lot, he said. But she cries when she thinks I be sleepin, and cant hear her.
Pellens thin fingers on his arm tightened. Give it more time. Rafell come round.
Not if Goose dies, he wont. Not if Goose dies, and he reckons he couldve saved him if hed been there. Groaning, he pressed one hand across his eyes. I may be youngern you, Pellen, but I aint young no more. And I got hurts inside me from that b.l.o.o.d.y Weather Magic. Wounds as aint never healed goin back twenty years. He let his hand fall and looked at his friend, for once not trying to hide a thing. Im tired. And this fight with Rafeit be wearin me down.
I can speak to him, said Pellen. Would it help if I speak to him?
Touched, and shamed again, Asher shook his head. He wouldnt pay you no mind, Pellen. Youre my friend. Makes you bad as me, right now. Leastways that be how h.e.l.l see it.
Most likely, said Pellen, sighing again, and took back his hand. It was just a thought. Then he frowned. These hurts, Asher. Thesethese unhealed wounds. Should I be worried? Does Dathne know? What have you done about them?
Shame was burned away by anger for letting despair loosen his tongue. Never you mind about that. It aint nowt. Forget I said a b.l.o.o.d.y word.
Too late, said Pellen. You cant pour spilt beer back in the jug. That business with the Weather map. Trying to fix what was wrong with Lur, last time. Thats what did the real damage, isnt it? And then with what happened in Westwailing, you made things worse. Thats what youre paying for now. Am I right?
He stared at his knees, hating himself. Not answering.
Asher! said Pellen sharply. Am I right?
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE.
Asher sighed. And if you are? Like you say, Pellenaint no pourin spilt ale back in the jug.
How bad is it?
There were aches and pains in him now, gnawing at his tired bones. Aches and pains Kerrils strongest potions couldnt dull. Bad enough.
Well, if a stubborn frog like you is admitting it, said Pellen, trying to make a joke. But it werent funny, and he knew it. None of this were funny. Im sorry, Asher. For all of it.
Dont know what you be apologisin for, he said, struggling to stay on an even keel.
Someone has to, said Pellen. And since Fernel b.l.o.o.d.y Pintte wont He shrugged, then his gaze sharpened, and he was suddenly Captain Orrick of the City Guard again. AsherI hope youre not thinking to do anything foolish.
Course I aint.
But Pellen didnt believe him. Working that Weather map nearly killed you ten years ago. It nearly killed Dathne, to see you so hurt. Would you do that to her a second time?
He stared at Pellen, derisive. You sayin that when you was our doughty Guard Captain, and some fool of an Olken took a swing at you, you never set foot in a brawl again after?
Thats different! Pellen retorted. Your Weather Magics lethal, Asher.
And a brawlers knife aint? he said, pushing out of his chair. Pellen, leave be. I aint sure what Im goin to do. Justdont you make it any harder on me, eh? Lyin there all poorly and pathetic. Tryin to use my sympathy agin me.
All right, said Pellen, grudging. But dont you expect me not to speak my mind.
Fetched up at the open chamber window, looking out across the Citys rooftops towards Market Square, he shook his head. I dont. Known you too b.l.o.o.d.y long for that.
Fleeting sunshine was warm on his face, the light breeze scented with blossoms from window-boxes, and tinged pungent by pigeon dung. b.l.o.o.d.y birds nested in every nook and cranny of a house. Staring further across the rooftops he could see the distant tiles of Justice Hall, and a narrow strip of stained gla.s.s: Dorana Citys Barlschapel. The bits of street and laneway he could see were empty. n.o.body scurrying on urgent business, or lazily strolling to admire shop window displays. Anyone not bedridden was down to the Square or lining the main street leading to the City gates, squashed belly to a.r.s.e sos they could say to anyone whod listen after, I was there to see the expedition ride out.
It were just like last time, when Tollin and his foolhardy friends got emselves blessed by Holze. The breeze strengthened and he caught a hint of voices raised in joyful acclaim, as folk lied to emselves as how their troubles would soon be over.
Laughter when they leave and weepin when they come back. How is it folk got such short b.l.o.o.d.y memories?
Asher He turned. Barl save him, Pellen looked bad. It aint fair. Why do all my friends die? Aye?
Have you thought you could be wrong about things? said Pellen, almost hesitant. Weve had more settled weather, these past days. I hear the floodings eased. The tremors have stopped. Maybe maybe what happened before was a false alarm.
Pellen He shook his head. How much did it hurt him, to dash his friends frail hopes? No. I wish it were, but it aint. What happened before were Lur clearin its throat. Now the kingdoms just holdin its breath. Bidin its time.
Why do you say that?
Asher closed his eyes. Ignored Pellens dismay, and the pain in his bones, let the mage in him sink deep and felt the drips and dregs of the magic hed poured into Lurs earth. So little left now. So much heart-ache to come.
Cause its true, he murmured. Cause I can feel it. He opened his eyes. And Ill bet Fernel b.l.o.o.d.y Pintte can feel it too. Probly it be why hes so keen on rushin off over them mountains. He knows whats comin and he dont want to be here.
Well, if youre rightwhatever comes, Lur will survive it, said Pellen, his eyes feverish. We survived before there was Weather Magic. We survived the coming of the Doranen and the fall of Barls Wall. Whatever happens, Lur will survive it too. If I believe nothing else, I believe that.
Wish I did. But he didnt say so out loud. Mayhap Pellen really did believe it, and werent just tryin to cheer him up. Spoilin things for him wouldnt be very kind.
Asher, said Pellen, still sharp. I want you to promise me something.