I instinctively thought I misheard.
"—Sorry. What did you just say…?"
As I asked back, to the twin younger brother, Nozomu, right in front of me, the corners of his mouth raised up into a sad smile.
In the moonlight the simple features, even for me, being the elder sister couldn"t help admiring how beautiful they were.
His lightly gray colored eyes peeped thru his bangs, his pupil sees only me, only I am reflected in those eyes.
I both loved and envied that color at the same time since long ago. But, it feels a little scary somehow.
Other than the two of us, no one else was around us in the night of that quiet park, it was a s.p.a.ce for just the two of us.
The place always had a pleasant feeling, but it was now depressingly heavy.
I, for some reason wasn"t able to run away from that place, it"s like I was completely surrounded - I remember it was that kind of anxious feeling.
My reflection in his eyes between his hairs that waved softly in the night wind. The next moment, he opened his mouth again.
"I"ll say it as many times as I need to. I"ve always loved you Chizuru"
At first I thought I had misheard. No, I wanted to think I had misheard him speak.
But……He firmly looked me in the eye, called my name, and stepped forward. Then, he declared to me as he brought is face close to mine "I love you".
Today was, our seventeenth birthday. How could it be, that on what should been an auspicious day, I never imagined that my actual brother would confess his love to me.
Because we were fraternal twins from different ovum we didn"t really have the same appearance.
But, there was a certain part that you could tell we looked alike after all…… I reflexively flinched when the man who is blood related to me got up close, making me retreat a little.
"A, ah…… um, you mean as in familial love right? Even if you say that I underst-"
"I mean romantically. I"ve always loved you since a long time ago."
Nozomu, notices that I was pretending not to understand, gets a little irritated.
"L- like you say……… We"re siblings you know!? Not step but we"re connected by blood!"
"I understand. Even still I love you. There aren"t enough words to express how much I love you."
"E….. even if you say that……"
It wouldn"t be an exaggeration to say that I loved Nozomu enough to be a called a brocon but, … if I were to be asked if I "loved him romantically", it would shock me enough to feel as if I had been struck in the head.
We were not blessed with good parents and had been cruelly treated as we grew up. No one had helped us, we had only each other to rely on.
So, we lived supporting each other the entire time.
Those parents had died in an accident, and we were finally set free, but we still supported each other.
Being useless if either part was missing, constantly being "2 pees in a pod". Never thinking of separating, connected by strong bonds.
Since being born always together, the boy I love always next to me - even still, I can"t accept Nozomu"s feelings.
"Actually, I had planned on locking my feelings away in my heart for the rest of my life."
"……?"
"But, you had started dating him. Wishing for Chizuru"s happiness, for this last year, I had restrained my envy. I endured enough I wanted to vomit blood. But, the way things are going, you"ll get married and go somewhere far away. ……Thinking that I wasn"t able to stand it anymore"
The "him" Nozomu was referring to was the mutual friend that we twins had that I had been going out for over a year or more.
Unlike the ordinary me, Nozomu was excellent, was good at sports, and looked good to boot. So, the girls at school were always after him.
Nevertheless, he never showed even a speck of interest in them at all, always taking care of me. It went into extreme sisconism, friends said "Younger brother-kun, no matter what you"re paying Chizuru too much attention, aren"t you being overprotective? It"s a little abnormal isn"t it?" out of worry.
Given this reason, he had consented to everything until now.
It got to the point that, going to the same school, if conversation about other boy"s came up he became ill-humored……
"It"s because of that, you"re being distorted by your siscon feelings you know! I think you know but, even thou I"m also distorted by my brocon feelings and never thought I would be able to get a lover in my whole life… but I was able to"
"If it were only just me being distorted by my feelings, how easy it would be……"
With a painful look from a man being very serious. Never saying half-hearted feelings.
"I"m asking you…… Please don"t go any further away"
While saying so, Nozomu shortened the distance further.
"……Won"t you choose me? From now on, I want you to only look at me"
Just like that, he reached out his hand and gently caressed my cheek—very lovingly, like touching his most important person"s hair and cupped my cheek.
My body instinctively, strongly stiffened. The glance and gesture was completely that of a lovers.
Right now, in my presence, I was not seeing him as my younger brother, but as a complete stranger……
"Won"t you think about it one more time? Aren"t you just feeling confused……? I mean, anyone else looking at this would think that it was strange…… even if we were to become lovers—-that kind of relationship is wrong you know!?"
"……I"m not confused! I"m always serious! Even if it"s wrong, as long as I"m together with Chizurui won"t care how the rest of the world sees us! Even if the world were against us I wouldn"t care!"
Nozomu stared at me while shouting at me seriously.
It was so strong it caused me to flinch, my sprit being surpa.s.sed.
"E- even if Nozomu doesn"t care about it…. I do……. A relationship that I couldn"t tell anyone about, would only be painful……"
"Would it be ok if I weren"t your brother? Is it the fact we"re blood related the only thing you"re worried about?"
……c.r.a.p. Certainly, the way that I phrased it, it could be taken that way. Huh……did I say something that could be purposely misunderstood……?
"Eh……!? No……I didn"t say one thing about -"
Nozomu hurriedly took my hand, and intertwined our fingers. That surprised me and made me stiffen even further.
"Did you know? Fraternal twins were lovers that had commited double suicide wishing to "be together in the next world" is that kind of legend. ……Chizuru and I are so attracted to each other, it could unexpectedly that reason."
What is he saying all of a sudden…..?
Usually I if I were to say it, he"s usually a realist and not the type to believe in superst.i.tion. Today"s Nozomu is strange after all.
While being perplexed by this, he took his other hand, placed it on my waist and pulled me closer.
"I was always worried about us being siblings. No matter how I think of it reality is cruel and wont grant wishes. But…..I don"t care about blood connection any more. For you I"m prepared to throw everything away. …… Chizuru and I can"t get married and no one would bless us, and we may not be able to become happy. It may be full of hardships. But, I understand Chizuru more than anyone else. I love you more than anyone else. So, stay with me forever."
He whispered in my ear, embracing me close strongly.
I had a bad premonition and looked at Nozomu"s face, suddenly he smiled and lifted my chin with his hand and brought his lips close to mine.
If it"s like this……. Ah, what should I do……I have to do something…….
"N- No!"
Guessing what was about to happen, I pushed Nozomu with both of my hands and pushed him away.
"Nozomu, look! Friends are saying "You guy"s relationship is strange" and looking at me strangely……. I don"t even know what to do anymore! Frankly, you looking at me like that is….. honestly disgusting, its abnormal!!"
When I appealed to him, his eyes went wide, and then before long a horribly sad, lonely expression crossed his face.
"…I see…… that"s right. It"s disgusting. It"s abnormal……. Sorry for forcibly approaching you……"
"Ah………so- I"m sorry"
–I rejected him. He"s my one and only family member. Even thou it"s an important fragment. It"s not the word that he himself had most wanted to hear.
"I knew it from the beginning, that this would be how it was. I knew, that you wouldn"t be able to accept it, I knew it……. Even still…I couldn"t surpa.s.s it. I was so afraid that Chizuru would go away and leave me alone."
"Nozomu……"
"Leave me alone for a while, I need to cool off here…… Please go home first."
Saying so, Nozomu sat down on a bench.
And, he looked down with an expression of intense regret, his hand holding his head.
"Um……"
I was at a loss for words. I didn"t really know wha to say.
"It"s ok. I"ll work to return to being normal siblings. So—"
After his words stop he thinks, then he adds "please don"t hate me" after thinking a little.
I reply with an "Un……" in a small voice and give a small nod.
Any more than this would cause the situation to deteriorate and I decided to return to the school dorm on the grounds first.
As I was going out of the park and waiting for the pedestrian signal, for some reason, Nozomu yelled "Wait, Chizuru" as he ran towards me.
"Aren"t you cold, dressed like that?"
Around my vacant neck, Nozomu rolled a scarf around it.
In spite of it already being December, I left my room in a just of a thin coat, I guess it looked a bit cold.
Even thou I had said such a horrible thing when I rejected him. He"s still worried about me like usual……
"But, Nozomu is……"
Nozomu cut me off saying "You don"t need to worry about me", and put his hand on my head with a pop.
I on the other hand said "It mortifying that it looks like you"re treating me like a kid", thou I said so it gave me a sense of security.
"……Sorry, thank you. I"ll go back first."
The light changed green. I waved a little to Nozomu and started across the crosswalk. (TN:dun dun dun it"s truck-kun!)
Suddenly, I noticed a car speeding fast toward here. Did the brakes go out? Did they fall asleep at the wheel……? Or it may have been a seizure.
Because I didn"t know what was wrong with the driver I"m only guessing…… Anyways, the situation wasn"t normal.
"Eh……"
However, it was already too late. The car was almost here. I stood like a deer staring at on coming headlights, in the middle of the crosswalk.
If I could judge the situation and move, I could possibly have made it.
But, I couldn"t move. In the moment before death, a person can"t move…… is what I thought.
"Stupid! What are you doing!"
Seeing that I stiffened up and can"t move, Nozomu ran towards me.
I was sure he wouldn"t be able to make it any more. Momentarily he took a posture to protect me even a little bit more.
But,……somehow neither is going to survive—- is how it felt.
I"m sorry. For relying on you for everything, even in the end.
With the truck on the verge of hitting us, Nozomu clasped my hand. As if to answer, I strongly gripped his hand back.
There wasn"t really time to exchange any words, the warmth from Nozomu"s hands softens my fears as if to say "Don"t worry. I won"t let you die alone."
Aa….. we were born together, we"ll die together too.
Being twins, it seems we have the same destiny. With this, it"s not sad.
But—having rejected you like that, the you that had the courage to tell me "I love you", I think that"s my only regret.
Now, I really regret it.
I"m sure, you worried terribly. Always holding it alone, it must have been painful. And I didn"t notice your pain at all.
If, we can really be reborn—I want to meet you again.
And this time, live together with no regrets.
The recklessly fast car sped toward us, and we were hit without mercy and were blown away.
Our bodies fluttered simultaneously in the air under the terrific impact, I made the realization that we couldn"t be saved. The scenery looked like it was in slow motion.
However, our hands were still connected and didn"t separate.
Nozomu, thank you for holding my hand until the last moment.