Sarah"s eyes were focused mainly on Daniel. He wore a dark suit and a look of torment. She wanted so badly to make all this better for him, but she couldn"t. Daniel had to find his own kind of peace.
It was a closed casket and the service was short. They waited until everyone had spoken to the Garretts then they made their way to the front. Muriel"s tear-filled eyes grew big when she saw Sarah and Serena together. They both wore dark suits and their red hair was up.
"Oh, my, Aurora," Muriel said. "What beautiful granddaughters you have."
"I think so," Gran answered, hugging Muriel and offering some consoling words.
Muriel dabbed at her tears. "I"m afraid I don"t know which one is Sarah."
"I am," Sarah said, also hugging Muriel, then Serena and Ethan followed.
When Sarah reached Daniel, he took her elbow and led her to a small alcove.
"How are you?" she asked, her heart in her eyes, wanting to hold him so bad her arms ached.
"Trying to be strong for my parents," he said, fighting back tears.
She stroked his arm. "It"s okay to hurt and it"s okay to cry."
"Men don"t cry, Sarah."
Then what is that I see in your eyes? But he was trying to be the strong one in his family when he didn"t have any strength left.
He took a long breath. "I wanted to let you know that my parents are leaving in the morning for France and I"m going with them. I hadn"t planned to, but I feel I need to be with them."
Ask me to go. Just ask.
But again he didn"t.
"Please understand that I have to go. I can"t stay here."
"I understand, Daniel," she said. "Just try to find a way to forgive yourself."
He frowned. "What?"
"That"s your problem. You can"t forgive yourself for what happened to Drew."
"Yeah." He blinked. "I hear what you"re saying yet I feel as if I"m floating, detached from everything. I"m not anch.o.r.ed and I can"t get beyond that feeling."
She reached for his hands and held them in front of her. "That"s normal. It takes time."
"Everyone keeps saying that."
"Because it"s true." She kissed his knuckles. "When you"re thinking of Drew in the days ahead, think of his responses to everything you did for him and I think you"ll find that Drew was never very honest with you."
He said nothing.
"You once told me that your major fault was that you wanted to help everyone. Sometimes that"s not possible."
They stared at each other for endless seconds then Daniel softly kissed her cheek and walked away.
She held her hand to the spot he"d touched with his lips. She didn"t know if they"d ever have happy memories again but she prayed that wherever Daniel went that he"d find the peace he was looking for. Most of all, she prayed he"d find his way back to her.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN.
THE DAYS STRETCHED painfully for Daniel. He tried to fit in with his parents" friends in Paris and found he couldn"t. He didn"t want to socialize-he wanted to be alone. Yvette didn"t understand. She was in her late twenties and she liked to party. Their parents had gone out for the evening and Daniel sat on the terrace nursing a gla.s.s of wine.
Yvette pulled up a chair close to his. "Daniel." He liked her accent. Sometimes it was soothing. "I know a really nice nightclub. We can make a night of it." She wiggled in her chair. "I feel like dancing."
"Sorry, Yvette. I"m not really in the mood."
Her eyes grew dark. "What is it? Am I not attractive enough?"
"You"re very attractive," he told her.
"Then why do you keep pushing me away?"
He glanced at her blond hair and blue eyes and all he could see was Sarah.
"Why, Daniel?" she persisted.
"Your hair"s not red," he said.
She frowned. "Is that American slang for something?"
"No. It"s the truth."
She scooted closer. "So you like redheads?"
He took a sip of wine. "One particular redhead."
"Your mother didn"t say you had a girlfriend." She pouted.
"My mother doesn"t know a whole lot about me."
She stood and flounced to the door. "I"m going to the club. You can drink your wine and think about your redhead."
The door slammed loudly and he took another sip. He wouldn"t think about Sarah. He was still floating, lost in a maelstrom of pain, yet he could see her beautiful face and that saved him.
The next day Daniel left his parents in Paris and flew to Spain. He had a friend, Diego Valdez, who lived in Madrid. They"d been in boarding school together and had stayed in touch. Diego was a businessman with a wife and three kids. They were very hospitable, but Daniel felt in the way and soon left. He spent a week in London just walking. It seemed to always be raining, but he didn"t mind the rain. How he wound up in Mexico City he wasn"t sure.
He met a guy in a bar who was going to work on a big cattle ranch. He said the rancher was still hiring so Daniel went, too, and worked until he was exhausted. He rode a horse until his b.u.t.t and legs were numb, but that didn"t bother him. He welcomed the physical activity. In the evenings, the cowhands frequented a local cantina. Daniel went along because he wanted a beer. He spoke some Spanish so he was able to converse with the locals.
A young girl not more than eighteen sidled up to him at the bar. "I speak English," she said with pride.
"That"s nice," he responded.
"You need woman?"
Daniel was taken aback for a second. She was so young. "No, thanks."
She edged closer. "I very good. I make you happy."
He looked into her dark eager eyes. "No, thanks," he said again.
"You no like women?" She was getting angry.
"It"s not that."
"You no like me?"
"You"re very beautiful, but you don"t have red hair." And you don"t have Sarah"s inner strength.
Her eyes narrowed. "What that mean?"
He swallowed back the rest of his beer. "It means I"m not interested." He walked outside and stared up at the dark sky and the million twinkling stars-the same stars that were shining over Texas, his home. And over Sarah. Thoughts of her were constantly with him. Despite the horror she"d lived through, she"d still managed to put her life back together and to help other people. Her strength was an inspiration to him and he kept that thought close to him. Now he had to find that same kind of strength. He recognized he wasn"t going to find any answers thousands of miles away from home-away from her. He had to go back to Texas to face his demons. He was now ready to do that.
SO MUCH WAS HAPPENING in Sarah"s life, but thoughts of Daniel were always with her. They"d put the house on the market and got a contract the first week, which made things rather hectic. The retirement villa didn"t have an apartment for Gran until the end of the month and Sarah had to find a place to live. She signed the contract to sell with the stipulation that they"d be given the time they needed to get out of the house.
She, Serena and Gran had talked about the sale in length and agreed it was the right thing to do. Serena came one weekend and they sorted through years of belongings. They soon realized it would take more than one weekend.
Through all of this Sarah waited for a call from Daniel. Days turned into weeks and still he didn"t call. Wherever he was, she hoped he was safe and finding the inner strength to go on.
Please come home, Daniel.
SARAH WAS GETTING READY to leave her office to look at a town house when she heard loud voices outside her door. Suddenly the door opened and Muriel and Dan stood there. Wendy, the receptionist, was behind them looking fl.u.s.tered.
"She said we needed an appointment to see you," Muriel said with more than a touch of irritation. "Surely we don"t need one just to talk to you."
"No. Please come in," Sarah invited, eager to hear news of Daniel. She walked to the door and spoke to Wendy. "Please reschedule my appointment with the Realtor for tomorrow."
"Yes, ma"am," Wendy replied, and closed the door.
"Have you heard from Daniel?" Muriel asked.
Sarah blinked. "No. I thought he was with you."
"He was for about two days," Dan said. "He got fed up with Muriel"s matchmaking tactics and left. We haven"t heard from him since."
Matchmaking. It took a moment for Sarah to digest this.
"I don"t understand why he doesn"t like Yvette," Muriel complained. "She"s very beautiful."
"The answer is standing in front of you," Dan replied, his tone blunt. "But as always you ignore the obvious."
"Oh," Muriel said, staring at Sarah. "I didn"t realize that you and Daniel were that serious."
Sarah bit her lip and walked to her desk refusing to give Muriel any information. Who was Yvette? "I haven"t seen or heard from Daniel since the funeral."
Muriel sank into a chair and began to cry. "I feel as if I"ve lost both my sons."
"I"ve had enough of these tears." Dan plopped into the other chair and Sarah had a feeling she was in for a long visit.
"And I"ve had enough of your drinking," Muriel spat, reaching into her purse for a handkerchief.
"Then leave, Muriel. The door"s always open."
"You want me to leave?" Muriel asked in a shocked voice.
"I want the same thing Daniel wants-a measure of peace. But no, after the funeral instead of grieving privately we had to go to France. You wouldn"t listen to anything I was saying."
"Because you"re always drunk."
Sarah realized this was about to get out of control and she didn"t want to interfere, but she sensed these two people needed help, needed someone to listen.
"May I say something?" She took her seat.
"By all means." Dan waved a hand.
"You"ve been married for over forty years and you seem to be at each other"s throats constantly. Yet you"ve stayed together. Why?"
"Marriage is forever, that"s why," Muriel snapped.
"Yeah. Marriage is a golden ring prison."
"See how he talks to me?"
There was so much underlying resentment and hostility that Sarah could actually feel it. She told herself they weren"t her clients, they hadn"t asked for her help and she should ask them to leave. They were Daniel"s parents, though, and she"d do anything she could so they could find some harmony in their marriage. For Daniel she would try.
"Yes, Muriel," Sarah agreed. "Dan is rude and seems to have no respect for you. Yet you continue to stay with him. Why?"
Muriel hung her head.
She turned to Dan. "You continue to put up with Muriel"s constant nagging and insensitivity. Why?"
"It hasn"t been easy," Dan muttered. "But like she said, marriage is forever."
Neither was going to admit a thing, so she had to push. "So you do have feelings for each other?"
"Ha," Dan grunted. "I"m not sure Muriel knows what feelings are. We"ve been married for forty-two years and not once has she told me she loves me."