The conductress ignored him until he was off the bus, when she yelled out, "In the army, were you?" She was still shouting as the bus pulled away. "I might tell you, I was a Girl Scout and good at it! So, what do you think to that, eh?" When the man chose not to answer, she raised her voice, "Oh, dearie me! Cat got your tongue, has it?"
Suppressing a little chuckle, Lucy quickened her steps.
Kathleen"s house was just a five-minute walk away.
As she got nearer, Lucy"s heart felt a little lighter. Kathleen was always good to be with, and right now, Lucy was really looking forward to spending precious time with her.
On reaching the door, she carefully lifted the bra.s.s door knocker, and let it fall gently.
A moment later, the door was opened, and Kathleen flung her arms round her.
"Oh, Lucy, are you all right?" She urged her inside. "I made us a little cottage pie." She chatted incessantly as Lucy followed her down the pa.s.sageway to the kitchen. "I know it"s a favourite of yours, but I"m not as good a cook as you, so you"ll have to forgive me if it tastes like rag chopped up."
Lucy smiled. "Don"t put yourself down, Kathleen," she said. "You"re as good a cook as anyone, including me."
Kathleen wasn"t sure whether she should mention the day"s sad event, but then she decided that might be wiser than p.u.s.s.yfooting around it.
"Did everything go as planned today, Lucy? I mean ... was it a lovely service? I bet the church was packed, wasn"t it?" Kathleen was not quite sure what to say in the circ.u.mstances.
"Everything went as it should, I suppose," Lucy answered quietly.
"Oh, Lucy, I"m sorry I couldn"t get the time off to be with you." Kathleen was desolate. "I did ask, but the boss seems to be getting stricter by the minute."
Lucy understood. "She"s under a lot of pressure, I expect, and she did send some really beautiful flowers. Mind you, all the flowers were lovely ... and the priest was very caring and ..." When tears threatened, she paused to take a breath and gather herself. "So many people turned out, Kathleen. It was amazing. I never realised Mum and Dad had so many friends."
Kathleen was not at all surprised. "Your mum and dad were a lovely couple. People took to them straight off, so they had a lot of friends. But what about you, Lucy? You look worn out."
In truth she suspected that Lucy had not enjoyed a good night"s sleep for some time even before she lost her parents. "Are you coping all right ... really?" She lowered her voice. "Please, Lucy, don"t try dealing with everything yourself. There are people around you who want to help ... as I do. You know what they say about a trouble shared."
Lucy considered herself fortunate to have such a friend. "I know I would only have to ask and you would be there for me. You always are. I"ll admit, though ... losing Mum and Dad is the hardest thing I"ve ever had to deal with in my life." Her thoughts went to Paula and Martin, a burden that she really couldn"t share. "It"s difficult ... but I"m coping ... just about." In truth she was not coping at all.
"I"m here for you, Lucy. Please don"t forget that." Kathleen suspected Lucy must be in pieces, but, as always, she was putting on a brave face.
"Don"t you worry ... I"ll be fine," Lucy told her. "Everyone"s been so kind. Anne and Les have been amazing. They can"t do enough, but Anne worried me for a time. She was too quiet, hiding herself away."
"She was just doing her best to deal with it, I expect," Kathleen sympathised. "Everyone deals with grief in their own special way. And what about Sam is he dealing with it?"
"I think so, but it"s really hard for him, Kathleen." Lucy gave a forlorn little smile. "He was his granddad"s little mate. The two of them got on so well, always talking about this and that. They had such a lot in common. Of course, Sam adored Mum too. She always treated him as an equal. He was not just her grandson, but also a friend and confidant. But yes, I think he"s dealing with it in his own quiet way. I"m very proud of him, Kathleen. Somehow this whole dreadful business seems to have made him grow up all of a sudden."
"So, what about his plans for the future? I recall you mentioning that he had a yearning for college?"
"Oh, yes, college is very much on the cards ... His grandma persuaded him that he should try to do as much as he can before he decides to settle down, and Martin and I have always agreed with that. Like I told Sam, though, if he"s really serious about college he must not leave it too late. If he wants to get anywhere in life, he needs to work at it. Thankfully, at long last, he seems to have taken all our advice to heart, because now he is determined to gain a place in college."
"Well, that"s good. And like you say, if he wants it badly enough, I"m sure he"ll succeed in making you and Martin proud."
Lucy agreed. "He"s a fine young man. It"s true that some time back he did get kind of lost, but now he seems to have found what he wants out of life, and I"m sure we will always be proud of him."
"Where is he now?" Kathleen asked.
"Martin"s taken him fishing."
"That was a good idea. It"ll take both their minds off things for a while, don"t you think?"
When Lucy merely nodded, Kathleen suspected she was keeping something back. "You do intend staying a while, don"t you, Lucy?"
"Yes, of course, and I"m looking forward to a small helping of that cottage pie." She was not all that hungry, but because Kathleen had gone to a deal of trouble, she would do her best to enjoy the meal.
Kathleen laughed. "I wouldn"t be too keen if I were you. Come on! Off with your coat and on with the kettle! While you do that, I"ll dish up the cottage pie."
While Lucy took off her coat and went to hang it up, Kathleen observed her. Kathleen appreciated how losing her parents had been a huge blow to Lucy it showed in her sad eyes and the way in which she found it hard to talk about them but she was convinced that something else was troubling Lucy. Something of a private nature.
Kathleen knew Lucy like she might know her own sister, if she had one, and her every instinct told her that Lucy was in some kind of personal trouble.
Just now and then, she seemed to be miles away, lost so deep in her troubled thoughts that Kathleen was almost afraid to speak.
Kathleen knew that Lucy rarely shared her troubles with anyone. This time, though, Kathleen hoped Lucy might find the strength to confide in her.
Across the kitchen, Lucy had a sneaking feeling that Kathleen was watching her, that she might have guessed how she was nursing another concern, one so crippling that she did not want to talk about it; not even to her one and only friend.
A short time later, the two of them were seated at the kitchen table, enjoying Kathleen"s cottage pie.
"Kathleen, this is really tasty." Lucy had not realised how hungry she was. "I"d even go so far as to say it"s much better than mine."
Kathleen laughed. "You little liar!" she teased. "n.o.body"s cottage pie is better than yours."
They ate and chatted, enjoying being together, but such was the atmosphere, it seemed almost as though a third person was in the room with them.
After a while, Kathleen dared to ask, "What"s wrong, Lucy?"
Taken off guard by Kathleen"s direct question, Lucy said the first thing that came to mind. "That"s a strange thing to ask. What"s wrong is that I"ve just lost both my parents."
"I"m sorry, and I"m well aware of that, Lucy, and I can only imagine how hard it must be to cope with." Kathleen went on gently, "Look, Lucy, I"ve long seen you as the sister I never had, and right now, I might be out of order in saying what"s on my mind. And if I am then I hope you"ll forgive me. It"s just that ... while I"m aware of the loss of your parents, I"m worried that there"s something else troubling you. Something bad ... of a personal nature, maybe. I just want to help, that"s all. Please, Lucy ... let me help."
Lucy remained silent, which only fuelled Kathleen"s suspicions.
"Lucy, I know you well enough to say what I think, and I feel there is something definitely playing on your mind. Something you obviously don"t want to talk about, but you must know, you can talk to me ... about anything. I want to help. If you"re ill, or short of money, or anything at all ... I want to help you ... as a friend."
Lucy remained silent, her gaze fixed on the table. She wanted to confide in her friend, but she was too ashamed, and besides, no one could help. Not even Kathleen.
Kathleen, though, was gently insistent. "I know you really need to tell me, Lucy, and if you do, I promise, hand on heart, it will never go beyond this room. Talking about it will ease your mind and, who knows, I might even be able to help in some way; whether it"s money, or health. And if you"re worried about losing your job for whatever reason, I can tell you now, the boss is well aware of how hard you work. She really does value you."
Lucy glanced up, her heart heavy with the reality of what Martin and Paula had done. "There is something," she confessed quietly. "Like you said, it"s a personal matter, and one which I have to somehow resolve myself. It"s not that I don"t trust you, because I do, and if I wanted to talk about it to anyone I would turn to you. But I can"t bring myself to talk about it. Not with you ... not with anyone!"
Kathleen had never seen her so resolute. Nor had she ever seen those honest brown eyes so very sad. "All right, Lucy, but will you make me a promise, please? I know you place great value on a promise, and you would never break it. So, will you make a promise ... for me?"
"If I can, yes."
"Thank you for that. So, if you do ever get to the point where you feel you need to confide in someone, will you let me help? You have my word, it will go no further, and I"ll do my utmost to help you."
"Yes, yes I will. Thank you, Kathleen. You"re a good friend. So now, can we let it go?"
Kathleen reached out and covered Lucy"s hand with hers. "What do you mean?" she smiled knowingly. "I"ve no idea what you"re talking about!"
For the remainder of Lucy"s stay, there was no more talk of Lucy"s problem, or the promise she had made. It was as though that particular conversation never even happened.
The unspoken subject, however, continued to weigh heavily on both their minds.
The evening was already creeping in, when Lucy decided to make her way home.
"Martin and Sam are bound to be home by now," she explained. "Anne"s organised their dinner, but I"d best get back or they"ll start to worry."
At least, Sam might be worried, she thought bitterly.
At the door, Kathleen gave her a big hug. "Mind how you go, and I"ll see you next week at work ..." she deliberately made no mention of what had been said, "... unless you"ve decided to take a few more days off?"
"No, I don"t think so," Lucy replied. "I"ll be better off at work less time to dwell on things and besides, I don"t want to upset the boss."
"Oh, I"m sure she"ll understand in the circ.u.mstances."
"Maybe, but if I"m at home, I"ll be on my own, and that"s the last thing I need."
At the top of the street she turned and waved to Kathleen before quickening her steps and heading for the bus stop.
Thankfully, when the bus drew up, she noticed it was a different conductor from the bossy woman of earlier, this one pleasant and round-faced, with a floppy belly that hung over his trouser-belt.
Lucy climbed to the upper deck and sat herself right at the front. When the bus set off, she was mesmerised as the rows of streetlights came on one after the other, creating a kind of landing strip.
With the bus gathering speed, she settled into her seat, thankful to be the only pa.s.senger upstairs. The privacy suited her troubled mind, and soothed the ache in her heart.
It was a strange thing, but up here she felt as though she was at the top of the world, safe, hidden away where no one and nothing could hurt her.
Relaxing into the seat, she leaned back and closed her eyes, concentrating on the rhythmic throb of the engine.
She might have fallen asleep if it hadn"t been for the fat conductor puffing and panting up the narrow, winding staircase. "Dearie me!" He paused to catch his breath. "You"ve not only made me climb the stairs," he complained to Lucy, "but you"ve parked yourself right up front, mekkin" me travel the length o" the bus!"
s.n.a.t.c.hing a hankie from his pocket, he wiped the beads of sweat from his pink, chubby face. "Trying to give me an "eart attack, are you?"
"I"m sorry. I didn"t think," Lucy said.
"Aw! Don"t you lose any sleep over it. Risking life and limb is what I get paid for."
He took her fare, then huffed and puffed back down the stairs. "I"ll shout when it"s your stop," he called back.
Lucy was worried he might be in the wrong job.
When a few minutes later the bus began to slow down, Lucy heard the conductor calling, and she quickly made her way down the steps.
On reaching the bottom of the steps she grasped hold of the pole to keep herself steady while the bus pulled up.
As the bus slowly approached the stop, she noticed a man tall, well-built, and wearing a long dark overcoat emerging from the entrance of a nearby restaurant. She thought she recognised him as the man who had found her hiding in the bus shelter, but because he was facing the other way, obviously waiting for someone, she could not be certain.
Intrigued, she continued to peek at him. Then suddenly he turned and, to Lucy"s horror, looked straight at her. She was left in no doubt. It was him. The man from the bus shelter.
Ashamed and embarra.s.sed, she wanted to run, but there was no place to go.
Like a rabbit caught in the headlights, she was momentarily unable to shift her gaze. When he gave a long, slow smile of recognition, she took two steps back on the bus platform, to where she was certain he could not see her.
That night in the bus shelter, she had deliberately remained in the shadows, so how could he have remembered her? And yet, she had recognised him.
Trapped on the bus, she was desperate to get off and make her getaway.
When, a moment later, the bus shuddered to a halt, she feared the man might approach her. Instinctively, she hung back, until the conductor said loudly, "Hey! Wake up, lady! Are you getting off, or do you want to be locked in the depot all night?"
Apologising, Lucy immediately got off. She did not look in the man"s direction. Impatient to get away, she set off at a quick pace, in the opposite direction to where the man was standing.
When a voice called out to her, she knew it was him. "Wait ... please! Hey! Hang on a minute ..."
Lucy broke into a run. Then, dodging down the nearest alley, she flattened herself against the wall, her heart pounding when a long shadow fell across the mouth of the alley. In the flickering light from the streetlamp, she saw him peering down the alley, looking for her. She pressed back in the shadows, hardly daring to breathe.
When he took a stride towards where she was hiding, Lucy was panic-stricken. Why was he after her? What did he want? Her instinct told her he would not hurt her, but the fact that he had caught her crying in the bus shelter was overwhelmingly embarra.s.sing.
She desperately needed to put that particular incident behind her and didn"t want to revisit it now, with this stranger.
Suddenly, a woman"s voice cut the air. "Dave!" Then again, "Dave, what the devil are you doing?"
To Lucy"s great relief, the man turned and walked away.
Remaining hidden, Lucy could hear the two voices, the man and the woman, soft and friendly, with the occasional burst of laughter from the woman. And then they were gone, and it was silent again.
Lucy dared to take a nervous little peek round the corner. The two of them were dawdling, arm in arm, along the street, still talking together.
She watched as they climbed the few steps into the entrance of a hotel just along from the restaurant. It was then that she recognised the woman. She was the one Lucy remembered as being with the kindly man on that fateful day.
At the door, the man stepped back, allowing the woman to go first. As he followed, he quickly turned his head and looked down the street, as though searching for Lucy.
Lucy, though, was already fleeing through the darkened streets, eager to get away from there.
A short time later, having put a considerable distance between herself and the couple, she paused to take a breath.
After a while, with a measure of reluctance, she set off again. She did not want to go home. But what real choice did she have? Besides, over these many years she had helped to build the house into a home and, until recently, she had been happy there.
Thinking of home now, though, was painful. Who are you, Lucy? she asked herself. Deeply saddened, she slowed her steps. Where do you belong?
Thoughts of her parents loomed large in her mind. She missed them desperately. It was like the heart had been torn out of her.
When images of Martin and her sister together began to darken her thoughts, she deliberately pushed them to the back of her mind. Even then, the shocking reality of what she had seen continued to haunt her.
How could she live with it? What was she supposed to do?