Deeply concerned, Kathleen quietly waited until Lucy busied herself emptying her clothes into the drawer. On softest tiptoe she then made her way downstairs to the living room.
A few minutes later, she returned to the bottom of the stairs, and yelled up, "Lucy ... Come on! What the devil are you doing up there? I hope you haven"t gone to bed ... leaving me to drink all this wine by myself?"
Lucy appeared on the landing. "Sorry, Kathleen, I was just unpacking, but it"s all done now." She made her way down.
"Good! Come on through." Kathleen betrayed no signs of having witnessed Lucy"s unhappy rantings.
A few minutes later the two of them were seated before the cheery fire, each with a gla.s.s of red wine.
"I"m glad you came here tonight," Kathleen started. "To tell you the truth, I wasn"t really looking forward to my own company, but apart from that, Lucy, I"ve been really concerned about you, wondering how you might be coping, what with losing your parents so suddenly. I"m always here if you need me ... you do know that, don"t you?"
Lucy thanked her. "I"m really glad to be here with you," she confessed. "I"ve been so down lately. It"s very difficult to cope with having lost Mum and Dad, especially with them going so close to each other I still can"t believe it"s happened. It"s like some kind of nightmare."
When the emotions rushed in, she paused to take a breath. "I"ve been so worried for Anne and young Sam, but thankfully they seem to be handling it ... probably better than I am."
Kathleen understood. "The younger ones do seem more able to handle such things much better than we expect them to. They take it in their stride, probably because, unlike us, they"re always looking forward to some new, exciting event, and who can blame them? They have their whole lives in front of them. I suppose it"s because they don"t see death as ever happening to them. But when you"re older, the death of someone you love hits hard. It makes you realise that no one is immortal ... not even ourselves."
Lucy agreed. "You"re right; but it doesn"t mean that the children don"t feel the loss as hard as we do," she replied.
"Oh, I"m not saying that." Kathleen felt the need to explain. "All I"m saying is, thankfully, the younger ones are just beginning to build their lives and so have far more to think about. They spend most of their time looking forward, while the rest of us seem to constantly look back. D"you see what I"m gettng at?"
Collecting the wine bottle from the table, she tipped a good measure into Lucy"s gla.s.s.
Lucy absent-mindedly took a sip, and then another, before admitting, "Yes, I do, and you"re right. When we"re just starting out, we think the future will be rosy and that everything exciting will come our way. We believe the family will always be there."
Kathleen nodded. "That"s exactly what I mean. In the end, we all come to learn that the ones we love will not be around for ever." She raised her gla.s.s. "So ... here"s to the loved ones who have gone before!"
Lucy clinked gla.s.ses with her. "To our loved ones ... wherever they are."
They each took another healthy sip of wine, and then another, and Lucy remarked sadly, "Do you know, Kathleen, I was forty not long ago?"
"Well, I thought you might be, but I wasn"t altogether certain. And did you know that I am five years older than you?" she groaned.
"No! I thought you might be forty-one ... or thereabouts. But not forty-five. Well, all I can say is, you look good for your age."
"Oh, thank you very much ... and so do you." Kathleen raised her gla.s.s again, and they toasted each other.
"Kathleen? Do you honestly think I look good for my age?" Lucy asked then.
"I said so, didn"t I?"
"Yes, but did you mean it?"
"What"s the matter with you? Of course I meant it, or I would not have said it."
"Swear on my life!"
"No! That"s tempting providence."
"So, you were lying, weren"t you? You only said it to make me feel better about myself?"
There was a short span of silence, before Kathleen replied, "Look, Lucy, you really are a good-looking woman, only ..."
"Only what?"
"Well ..." Kathleen took another sip of her wine.
"Kathleen! Go on ... what were you about to say?"
"All right! But if I say what I think, will you promise not to fall out with me, because I couldn"t bear that?"
"I promise."
"Good! But first, we"ll drink on it." Kathleen clinked her gla.s.s with Lucy"s. "Here"s to us!" And she took a good swig of wine.
"To us!" Lucy also took a generous sip of wine, although she was not at all used to it.
Kathleen wondered how she might tell Lucy what she thought without upsetting her. "Well, what I was thinking was that I"ve always thought you could make a lot better of yourself if you tried. I mean ... your hair, for instance and I"m not being critical it"s just that you could do so many things with it."
"Go on, then. What exactly are you saying?"
"Well, it"s a nice length and it always has a shine, but you never change the style. You could curl it, or plait it, or maybe tie it up in a bright ribbon. You could try a loose fringe, or something a little bit different now and then. You asked me what I thought, and I"m just being honest because that"s what friends do."
Lucy understood. She had often thought about changing her hairstyle, which had been the same since her schooldays but with no sense of style, she had no idea what to do.
"You"re right, Kathleen, I know you are, but when I"ve asked Martin if I should try a new hairstyle, he"s always told me not to bother. He said it would be a waste of money, because it would only grow back exactly the way it is. I"ve tried different things before. For instance, I once changed the colour of my lipstick. I"d worn it for years, so I thought it was time for a change, but I soon went back to my old colour. For some stupid reason, it doesn"t matter what I try, I always go back to my old ways."
"Sounds like you"re stuck in a rut, Lucy girl!"
Lucy had another question. "Kathleen ... do you think I"m fat?"
"No, I do not! After having had two children, you can expect to be a bit out of shape, but you"re certainly not fat! All right, if I"m being honest, you might be a bit lumpy here and there, like the rest of us, but that"s life. We can"t all be perfect, can we?" Kathleen shrugged. "Besides, it sounds to me as if you"re not happy with change, so if that"s the case, maybe you should just leave things as they are, like Martin said."
"Maybe that"s really the way he wants me," Lucy remarked quietly. "Dull, and always available, to help bring in the wages, to look after the house, do the cooking, iron his shirts and pander to his every need, but when it comes to s.e.x, cuddles and fun, he chooses my sister over me." She had not meant to say that out loud, but it just tumbled out.
"Your sister? I don"t believe it!" Kathleen was visibly shocked.
"It"s true. I found them together. Twice."
"The hussy! Your own sister ... Unbelievable!"
"Somehow, I"ve obviously let him down in the bedroom. The way things are, he hardly notices me, except to ask for a clean shirt, or to tell me not to bother waiting up, because he won"t be back till late. Then when he does come home, I"m still wide awake wondering where he is and what he"s doing. Then, he"ll come upstairs, undress and climb into bed without so much as "How are you?" He"ll undress quickly, and within minutes he"ll be fast asleep with his back to me, snoring his head off. I ask you, Kathleen, is that the actions of a man who truly loves his wife?"
Kathleen was careful in her answer. "If it was me, I would put that question to him!"
Lucy appeared not to have heard what Kathleen said. Instead she was muttering to herself, "Sometimes, it"s like I"m not even in the same room with him. I"ve tried talking with him about our marriage and the way he feels about me, but he just makes fun of me, saying I"m being silly, and that I"m imagining things. The trouble is, Kathleen, we were just kids when we got married. I often wonder, if he hadn"t got me pregnant, would we have got married? Oh, I"m not fooling myself; Martin has never been a full-on lover. Nor does he say pretty things or compliment me."
"Some men are like that, Lucy."
"It"s my fault, isn"t it?" Lucy was convinced of that. "I must be doing something wrong, or he would never have cheated on me like he did ... and with my own sister! What did I do that was so bad he would shame me in that way?"
"Lucy, stop punishing yourself. You"ve done nothing wrong. You"re a fine woman, a good mother, a loyal wife, and you work hard. And if he can"t value you for that alone, he doesn"t deserve you!"
Lucy"s spirits were lifted by her friend"s kind words. "Maybe you"re right! If he wants Paula, let him have her. And when he finally discovers what a cruel tease she is, it will serve him right. And he needn"t think he can run back to me, because I won"t give him the time of day!"
Kathleen was also fired with Lucy"s new enthusiasm. "Attagirl! That"s fighting talk." And when Lucy now held out her gla.s.s for more wine, Kathleen topped it up. "Let"s drink to you and me, girl, and to h.e.l.l with everyone else! We need to be comfortable with who we are. You think you"re dull and lumpy, and I fret because I"d like to be taller and prettier, but who cares? Everybody"s got faults. You"re the way you are, and I"m the way I am. And that"s that!"
"You"re right, Kathleen!" The wine had put Lucy in a fighting mood. "What does it matter if I am lumpy, and why should I care if my b.o.o.bies have shrunk to nothing? I"m the only one who ever sees them anyway. Martin certainly isn"t interested. And it"s not my fault they"ve shrunk. It happened after I had the children, and I would not swap them for the world ..." Roaring with laughter, she fell back in the chair. "The children, I mean, not the b.o.o.bies! I"d swap them if I had the chance." She rolled her eyes dreamily. "I"d like big, pointy ones, with nipples you could hang a hat on!"
Never having heard Lucy talk like that before, Katheen was shocked. "Lucy Lovejoy, behave yourself! I reckon the wine"s gone to your head."
"Don"t be silly!" Lucy"s voice was gently slurred. "I do not ... drink," she said haughtily. "I"ve never drunk in my life ... except at Luke"s christening. And Anne"s wedding. But you know what?"
"What?"
"I should get drunk whenever I like. Drunk as a skunk. Then I could stand up to the lot of "em!" She suddenly started crying again. "I can"t believe that Martin slept with my sister. But I actually caught them ... laughing and joking ... playing about like two teenagers."
Taking a deep breath, she was silent for a moment, while, in the wake of Lucy"s sorrow, Kathleen also began to feel tearful.
"He"s never played about with me like that, ever!" Lucy went on. "They"ve hurt me, Kathleen, Martin and my sister. They"ve hurt me badly. And now I"m lost, and I don"t know which way to turn. I must have deserved it, though, but what did I do wrong? Why has he stopped loving me?" In her mind she could see the two of them together. "They were all over each other, and even when she followed him home to our house after our parents" funeral he must have wanted her there or he never would have let her in."
"It was a terrible thing they did." Kathleen felt like storming round there and giving them a piece of her mind. But it was not for her to interfere.
"It was obvious he didn"t want me, so I told him he could have her. Then I packed my case and left. Tell me, Kathleen, what else could I do?"
It seemed like Lucy would burst into tears again. Kathleen wrapped her two chubby arms about her. "Ssh, you"ll be all right, Lucy. It might take a time, but things will sort themselves out, you"ll see." She held on to Lucy but there was nothing she could say that would take away Lucy"s pain. All she could do was to hold her, and be there for her, as long as it took.
The two of them clung to each other as Lucy described how she had run away. "I had a terrible fight with Paula," she admitted. "She was in my house, with him. She called me names and she said bad things. Shouting at the top of her voice, she was! I"m sure the neighbours must have heard, and I felt so ashamed, Kathleen. And now they both hate me."
Kathleen had been shocked to the core by the way Lucy had been treated. Never in her wildest dreams would she have guessed Martin and Paula were together in that way. The whole disgusting business must have been a horrible experience for gentle-natured Lucy.
"I just don"t know what to do," Lucy confided. "I couldn"t tell Anne the awful truth, so I lied ... to my own daughter. I told her that you invited me here, and how I needed a few days to gather my thoughts after everything that"s happened. Oh, Kathleen, what kind of a mother am I, lying to my daughter like that? I even got Anne to lie to her brother. I was glad he wasn"t there when I went round. Thankfully, Sam had gone off somewhere with his friends."
"Well, at least that"s a kind of blessing," Kathleen a.s.sured her. "And for what it"s worth, I would have done exactly what you did, kicking Paula out and keeping the truth from the children. There will be time enough for them to find out the truth. One thing at a time, eh?"
"Yes, I have to deal with it the best way I can. I"m hoping Martin will do the same and keep his sordid affair from the children, at least for now. Meantime, I want to put as much distance between myself and Martin as possible. I need to think it through, and then decide what I should do."
Even as she said that she felt like a coward for having run away. "Maybe I should go back now, and talk everything through with Martin. What do you think, Kathleen? Should I go back and have it out with the pair of them, once and for all?"
Kathleen was hesitant to intervene in what could be a broken marriage in the making. "I can"t tell you what to do, Lucy," she decided. "All I can do is say what I would do if I was in your shoes."
"Tell me then. What would you do?"
"Hmm ... let me see. Firstly, I certainly would not go back with my tail between my legs."
"So, what would you do?"
"Right! Well, number one, like you said, I might go back and have it out with the pair of them. And even if it resulted in me losing my marriage, then so be it. I mean, it can"t have been much of a marriage if the husband feels the need to sleep with another woman, whoever she might be!"
"And the other thing you would do?" Lucy urged.
"You might not like it."
"It doesn"t matter. Tell me all the same."
"If I still loved him, I might try and win him back."
Lucy was unsure about that one. "If he didn"t want me before, how could I possibly win him back? I"m still the same woman he rejected. I haven"t changed."
"So why not change then? Take a leaf out of your sister"s book. Show him that you can be as attractive and exciting as Paula."
"That"s impossible! All my life I"ve tried to be more like Paula, but it never happened, and it never will. Me and her, we"re like chalk and cheese."
Kathleen, however, was adamant. "Listen to me! First of all, throw out most of your old clothes. Then go and buy two new garments. One for bed, and one for going out. You must try them on in the shop, and they must not look anything like the clothes already in your wardrobe. They must be absolutely different from what you"ve worn in the past. Are you following me, Lucy?"
"I"m not really sure, but go on."
"You must ask the shop a.s.sistant what she honestly thinks, and you must tell her how you"re trying to completely change your style, in order to get your man back." Kathleen smiled knowingly. "These fashion people often like a bit of a challenge. If you"re worried, I"ll come with you. I think I have an idea what you should be looking for, but you"ll need to try on several outfits. I"ll know the right look when I see it."
Lucy was suddenly excited. "And after the new clothes, then what?"
"Right! Well, the next stop is the hairdresser"s. You want your hair completely restyled ... sort of s.e.xy, and very pretty."
"All right ... and then what?" Lucy urged her on.
"Then ..." Kathleen had to think hard, "I would trawl the shops for the most attractive pair of shoes you have ever seen a daring colour, with heels a little higher than you"re used to, but not so high that you can"t walk comfortably in them. Oh, and last of all, go into Woolworths, to the cosmetics counter, and ask the girl to show you the kind of make-up you should be wearing. Tell her that you"re having a complete makeover and that you"re trying to impress your man. Oh! And maybe get some costume jewellery, something like a little b.u.t.terfly brooch for the shoulder of your new jacket or dress. It will add a bit of cla.s.s."
"Wow!" Lucy"s head was reeling, and now she could hardly wait to get started.
But then her make-believe world suddenly crashed about her. "Oh, no! It can"t be done, Kathleen!"
"Why not?"
"Because it will cost money, and I haven"t got anywhere near enough."
For a moment, having both got carried away with the idea of transforming Lucy into an eye-catching female, they were suddenly dejected.
Kathleen racked her brains and came up with a possible solution. "It"s all right! I"ll lend you the money. I"ve got a bit put by. Not a fortune, obviously, but enough to get you looking good ... within limits."
Kathleen had to admit to herself that Lucy was no raving beauty, though she did have a few admirable a.s.sets that a bit of style could enhance. "Take the money, Lucy. You can pay me back ... whenever!"
"No, Kathleen! I"m really grateful, but I can"t take your money. I have no idea when I can pay you back," Lucy objected. "Obviously, I"ve managed to sc.r.a.pe together a little money, but it"s just enough to get me away from home and maybe pay for one night in a boarding house. That"s a part of my plan."
"That"s madness! You can"t do that. You need to confront Martin. Let him be the one to leave."
"No, never mind a makeover, I need a breathing s.p.a.ce. I need to put a distance between us, and I won"t waste time thinking about Martin. I"ll be looking for work straight away. I don"t really care what kind of work it is whether it"s dirty, or with long hours and badly paid. It will be a start, and I"ll do whatever it takes to rebuild my life. My parents are gone, and no doubt my job is lost, along with my marriage. So now, my two children are my main priority."
Kathleen was amazed at Lucy"s strength. "You seem to have it all planned out," she told her.