LADY TEAZLE. To be sure what you say is very reasonable--and when the consciousness of my own Innocence----
SURFACE. Ah: my dear--Madam there is the great mistake--"tis this very conscious Innocence that is of the greatest Prejudice to you-- what is it makes you negligent of Forms and careless of the world"s opinion--why the consciousness of your Innocence--what makes you thoughtless in your Conduct and apt to run into a thousand little imprudences--why the consciousness of your Innocence--what makes you impatient of Sir Peter"s temper, and outrageous at his suspicions-- why the consciousness of your own Innocence--
LADY TEAZLE. "Tis very true.
SURFACE. Now my dear Lady Teazle if you but once make a trifling Faux Pas you can"t conceive how cautious you would grow, and how ready to humour and agree with your Husband.
LADY TEAZLE. Do you think so--
SURFACE. O I"m sure on"t; and then you"d find all scandal would cease at once--for in short your Character at Present is like a Person in a Plethora, absolutely dying of too much Health--
LADY TEAZLE. So--so--then I perceive your Prescription is that I must sin in my own Defence--and part with my virtue to preserve my Reputation.--
SURFACE. Exactly so upon my credit Ma"am[.]
LADY TEAZLE. Well certainly this is the oddest Doctrine--and the newest Receipt for avoiding calumny.
SURFACE. An infallible one believe me--Prudence like experience must be paid for--
LADY TEAZLE. Why if my understanding were once convinced----
SURFACE. Oh, certainly Madam, your understanding SHOULD be convinced--yes--yes--Heaven forbid I should persuade you to do anything you THOUGHT wrong--no--no--I have too much honor to desire it--
LADY TEAZLE. Don"t--you think we may as well leave Honor out of the Argument? [Rises.]
SURFACE. Ah--the ill effects of your country education I see still remain with you.
LADY TEAZLE. I doubt they do indeed--and I will fairly own to you, that If I could be persuaded to do wrong it would be by Sir Peter"s ill-usage--sooner than your honourable Logic, after all.
SURFACE. Then by this Hand, which He is unworthy of----
Enter SERVANT
Sdeath, you Blockhead--what do you want?
SERVANT. I beg your Pardon Sir, but I thought you wouldn"t chuse Sir Peter to come up without announcing him?
SURFACE. Sir Peter--Oons--the Devil!
LADY TEAZLE. Sir Peter! O Lud! I"m ruined! I"m ruin"d!
SERVANT. Sir, "twasn"t I let him in.
LADY TEAZLE. O I"m undone--what will become of me now Mr. Logick.-- Oh! mercy, He"s on the Stairs--I"ll get behind here--and if ever I"m so imprudent again---- [Goes behind the screen--]
SURFACE. Give me that--Book!----
[Sits down--SERVANT pretends to adjust his Hair--]
Enter SIR PETER
SIR PETER. Aye--ever improving himself!--Mr. Surface--
SURFACE. Oh! my dear Sir Peter--I beg your Pardon--[Gaping and throws away the Book.] I have been dosing [dozing] over a stupid Book! well--I am much obliged to you for this Call--You haven"t been here I believe since I fitted up this Room--Books you know are the only Things I am a c.o.xcomb in--
SIR PETER. "Tis very neat indeed--well well that"s proper-- and you make even your Screen a source of knowledge--hung I perceive with Maps--
SURFACE. O yes--I find great use in that Screen.
SIR PETER. I dare say you must--certainly--when you want to find out anything in a Hurry.
SURFACE. Aye or to hide anything in a Hurry either--
SIR PETER. Well I have a little private Business--if we were alone--
SURFACE. You needn"t stay.
SERVANT. No--Sir---- [Exit SERVANT.]
SURFACE. Here"s a Chair--Sir Peter--I beg----
SIR PETER. Well--now we are alone--there IS a subject--my dear Friend--on which I wish to unburthen my Mind to you--a Point of the greatest moment to my Peace--in short, my good Friend-- Lady Teazle"s conduct of late has made me very unhappy.
SURFACE. Indeed I"m very sorry to hear it--
SIR PETER. Yes "tis but too plain she has not the least regard for me--but what"s worse, I have pretty good Authority to suspect that she must have formed an attachment to another.
SURFACE. Indeed! you astonish me.
SIR PETER. Yes--and between ourselves--I think I have discover"d the Person.
SURFACE. How--you alarm me exceedingly!
SIR PETER. Ah: my dear Friend I knew you would sympathize with me.--
SURFACE. Yes--believe me Sir Peter--such a discovery would hurt me just as much as it would you--
SIR PETER. I am convinced of it--ah--it is a happiness to have a Friend whom one can trust even with one"s Family secrets-- but have you no guess who I mean?
SURFACE. I haven"t the most distant Idea--it can"t be Sir Benjamin Backbite.
SIR PETER. O--No. What say you to Charles?
SURFACE. My Brother--impossible!--O no Sir Peter you mustn"t credit the scandalous insinuations you hear--no no--Charles to be sure has been charged with many things but go I can never think He would meditate so gross an injury--
SIR PETER. Ah! my dear Friend--the goodness of your own Heart misleads you--you judge of others by yourself.
SURFACE. Certainly Sir Peter--the Heart that is conscious of its own integrity is ever slowest to credit another"s Treachery.--