"And the others," said she, "those who were writing around you, and the examiner--how did you feel towards them?"
Taffy stared at her. "I don"t know that I thought much about them."
"Didn"t you feel as if it was a battle and you wanted to beat them all?"
He broke out laughing. "Why, the examiner was an old man, as dry as a stick! And I hardly remember what the others were like--except one, a white-headed boy with a pimply face. I couldn"t help noticing him, because whenever I looked up there he was at the next table, staring at me and chewing a quill."
"I can"t understand," she confessed. "Often and often I have tried to think myself a man--a man with ambition. And to me that has always meant fighting. I see myself a man, and the people between me and the prize have all to be knocked down or pushed out of the way.
But you don"t even see them--all you see is a pimply-faced boy sucking a quill. Taffy--"
"Yes?"
"I wish you would write to me when you get to Oxford.
Write regularly. Tell me all you do."
"You will like to hear?"
"Of course I shall. So will George. But it"s not only that.
You have such an easy way of going forward; you take it for granted you"re going to be a great man--"
"I don"t."
"Yes, you do. You think it just lies with yourself, and it is n.o.body"s business to interfere with you. You don"t even notice those who are on the same path. Now a woman would notice every one, and find out all about them."
"Who said I wanted to be a great man?"
"Don"t be silly, that"s a good boy! There"s your father coming out of the church porch, and you haven"t told him yet. Run to him, but promise first."
"What?"
"That you will write."
"I promise."
CHAPTER XXI.
HONORIA"S LETTERS.
1.
"CARWITHIEL, Oct. 25, 18--."
"MY DEAR TAFFY,--Your letter was full of news, and I read it over twice: once to myself, and again after dinner to George and Sir Harry. We pictured you dining in the college hall.
Thanks to your description, it was not very difficult: the long tables, the silver tankards, the dark panels and the dark pictures above, and the dons on the dais, aloof and very sedate. It reminded me of Ivanhoe--I don"t know why; and no doubt if ever I see Magdalen, it will not be like my fancy in the least. But that"s how I see it; and you at a table near the bottom of the hall, like the youthful squire in the story-books--the one, you know, who sits at the feast below the salt until he is recognised and forced to step up and take his seat with honour at the high table. I began to explain all this to George, but found that he had dropped asleep in his chair. He was tired out after a long day with the pheasants."
"I shall stay here for a week or two yet, perhaps. You know how I hate Tredinnis. On my way over, I called at the Parsonage and saw your mother. She was writing that very day, she said, and promised to send my remembrances, which I hope duly reached you. The Vicar was away at the church, of course. There is great talk of the Bishop coming in February, when all will be ready. George sends his love; I saw him for a few minutes at breakfast this morning, before he started for another day with the pheasants."
"Your friend,"
"HONORIA."
2.
"CARWITHIEL, Nov. 19, 18--."
"MY DEAR TAFFY,--Still here, you see! I am slipping this into a parcel containing a fire-screen which I have worked with my very own hands; and I trust you will be able to recognise the shield upon it and the Magdalen lilies. I send it, first, as a birthday present; and I chose the shield--well, I dare say that going in for a demy-ship is a matter-of-fact affair to you, who have grown so exceedingly matter-of-fact; but to me it seems a tremendous adventure; and so I chose a shield--for I suppose the dons would frown if you wore a c.o.c.kade in your college cap.
I return to Tredinnis to-morrow; so your news, whatever it is, must be addressed to me there. But it is safe to be good news."
"Your friend,"
"HONORIA."
3.
"TREDINNIS, Nov. 27, 18--."
"MOST HONOURED SCHOLAR,--Behold me, an hour ago, a great lady, seated in lonely grandeur at the head of my own ancestral table. This is the first time I have used the dining-room; usually I take all my meals in the morning-room, at a small table beside the fire. But to-night I had the great table spread and the plate spread out, and wore my best gown, and solemnly took my grandfather"s chair and glowered at the ghost of a small girl shivering at the far end of the long white cloth. When I had enough of this (which was pretty soon) I ordered up some champagne and drank to the health of Theophilus John Raymond, Demy of Magdalen College, Oxford.
I graciously poured out a second gla.s.s for the small ghost at the other end of the table; and it gave her the courage to confess that she, too, in a timid way, had taken an interest in you for years, and hoped you were going to be a great man.
Having thus discovered a bond between us, we grew very friendly; and we talked a great deal about you afterwards in the drawing-room, where I lost her for a few minutes and found her hiding in the great mirror over the fire-place--a habit of hers."
"It is time for me to practise ceremony, for it seems that George and I are to be married some time in the spring. For my part I think my lord would be content to wait longer; for so long as he is happy and sees others cheerful he is not one to hurry or worry. But Sir Harry is the impatient one: and has begun to talk of his decease. He doesn"t believe in it a bit, and at times when he composes his features and attempts to be lugubrious I have to take up a book and hide my smiles. But he is clever enough to see that it worries George."
"I saw both your father and mother this morning. Mr. Raymond has been kept to the house by a chill; nothing serious: but he is fretting to be out again and at work in that draughty church.
He will accept no help; and the mistress of Tredinnis has no right to press it on him. I shall never understand men and how they fight. I supposed that the war lay between him and my grandfather. But it seems he was fighting an idea all the while; for here is my grandfather beaten and dead and gone; and still the Vicar will give no quarter. If you had not a.s.sured me that your demy-ship means eighty pounds a year, I could believe that men fight for shadows only. Your mother and grandmother are both well. . . ."
It was a raw December afternoon--within a week of the end of term-- and Taffy had returned from skating in Christ Church meadow, when he found a telegram lying on his table. There was just time to see the Dean, to pack, and to s.n.a.t.c.h a meal in hall, before rattling off to his train. At Didcot he had the best part of an hour to wait for the night-mail westward.
"_Your father dangerously ill. Come at once_."
There was no signature. Yet Taffy knew who had ridden to the office with that telegram. The flying dark held visions of her, and the express throbbed westward to the beat of Aide-de-camp"s gallop.
Nor was he surprised at all to find her on the platform at Truro Station. The Tredinnis phaeton was waiting outside.
He seemed to her but a boy after all, as he stepped out of the train in the chill dawn: a wan-faced boy, and sorely in need of comfort.
"You must be brave," said she, gathering up the reins as he climbed to the seat beside her.
Surely yes; he had been telling himself this very thing all night.
The groom hoisted in his portmanteau, and with a slam of the door they were off. The cold air sang past Taffy"s ears. It put vigour into him, and his courage rose as he faced his shattered prospects, shattered dreams. He must be strong now for his mother"s sake; a man to work and be leant upon.
And so it was that whereas Honoria had found him a boy, Humility found him a man. As her arms went about him in her grief, she felt his body, that it was taller, broader; and knew in the midst of her tears that this was not the child she had parted from seven short weeks ago, but a man to act and give orders and be relied upon.
"He called for you . . . many times," was all she could say.
For Taffy had come too late. Mr. Raymond was dead. He had aggravated a slight chill by going back to his work too soon, and the bitter draughts of the church had cut him down within sight of his goal. A year before he might have been less impatient. The chill struck into his lungs. On December 1st he had taken to his bed, and he never rallied.
"He called for me?"