The Sweet Girl Graduates.
by Rea Woodman.
ACT I.
(Sitting-room of the DeSmythe home; "confusion worse confounded;"
everything topsy-turvy. Mrs. DeSmythe on couch; Madam Sateene and she looking over lace samples, of which they have a great number. Madam in "swell" street costume.)
_Mrs. De S._ (tossing samples in a heap). There"s positively nothing like it! Nothing anywhere near it!
_Madam_ No, and nothing that can be used.
_Mrs. De S._ (s.n.a.t.c.hing a bit of lace from the heap). There! That"s a lover"s knot pattern. Why, it--
_Madam_ No, that"s a sailor"s knot. There is a great difference.
_Mrs. De S._ (vaguely). I don"t see it.
_Madam_ (patiently). You see the loop in this bends down and in this, it bends--goes up. Every difference in the world, my dear Mrs. De Smythe.
_Mrs. De S._ (meekly, but convinced). Wouldn"t it do? All bunched up?
_Madam_ But it is not to be bunched up!
_Mrs. De S._ (with a profound sigh). What can we do? And I threatened with an attack!
_Madam_ I don"t know! (rises, sits down, then groans). I am at my wit"s end. Let me think.
_Mrs. De S._ (with an inspiration). Take the lace off!
_Madam_ (crushingly). My dear Mrs. De Smythe, the gown is modelled for lace.
_Mrs. De S._ (helplessly). Oh!
(Madam sits in brown study, tapping her forehead.)
_Madam_ Let me see; Wednesday morning. (looks at watch). Ten o"clock. It might be done. Practically two days. (sits staring at wall). No, it couldn"t! We might use chiffon.
_Mrs. De S._ Maude hates chiffon.
_Madam_ (with professional coldness). Chiffon is a very artistic tr.i.m.m.i.n.g.
_Mrs. De S._ (wearily). It may be--it may be, but you know Maude.
(Enter Miss Hoppenh.o.e.r.)
_Miss H._ (looks around; sniffs at the untidiness). Jennie, you look ready to faint!
_Mrs. De S._ Sit down. Don"t stand there like--a--wooden Indian!
_Miss H._ They don"t keel over every few minutes, anyhow! (sits with a thud). You look ready to faint!
_Mrs. De S._ I feel ready to faint; the lace has given out.
_Miss H._ (picking up things). The lace--?
_Mrs. De S._ (with infinite patience). The lace, you know, for Maude"s dress.
_Miss H._ (blankly). Eh--what dress?
_Madam_ (in polite surprise). Why, Miss Hoppenh.o.e.r, what dress?
_Mrs. De S._ (shrilly). What dress,--oh, Matilda!
_Miss H._ (commencing to "straighten" room in earnest). Oh, is that all?
I thought the President had been a.s.sa.s.sinated!
_Mrs. De S._ Matilda! I must say you don"t seem much interested. I should think you would,--your own niece, too!
_Miss H._ (tragically). Look at this room,--look at this room! It is a disgrace to a Christian community! Think of the breakfast we had--or rather, that we didn"t have! And yesterday! And now you down sick--down sick! Does it take a month to graduate? (dusts an upholstered chair vigorously). It"s such (bang) such non-(bang) nonsense!
_Mrs. De S._ Nonsense to graduate! Matilda Hoppenh.o.e.r! Do stop thrashing about! Ugh, that dust! (coughs weakly). Katherine will do that.
_Miss H._ (pounding sofa cushions). Katherine is busy; she has ten miles of flutin" to flute!
_Mrs. De S._ (coughing). Well, stop, anyway! My nerves are bad today.
_Miss H._ You are worn out. We"re all as cross as bears!
_Madam_ (emerging from a brown study). What shall I do? And only a yard needed! I think chiffon--
_Miss H._ (straightening out a rug). Use ribbon.
_Madam_ (with dignity). They used ribbon last year.
_Miss H._ Fringe, then,--fringe is very dressy.
_Madam_ They used fringe two years ago.
_Miss H._ (snapping her up). Well, what"s the idea? To use something that hasn"t never been used?
(Maude comes in, breathless.)
_Maude_ (sitting down hard). Goodness, I"m tired! Auntie, your grammar is bad--very bad. What are you doing?
_Miss H._ (sarcastically). Getting you ready to graduate.