_Wit._ Madam, should I follow my inclinations, I should pay my Vows no where but there,--but I am inform"d Sir _Patient_ is a Man so positively resolv"d.--
L. _Fan._ That you should love his Wife. [Aside.
_Wit._ And I"ll comply with that Resolve of his, and neither love nor marry _Isabella_, without his Permission; and I doubt not but I shall by my Respects to him gain his Consent,--to cuckold him.
[Aside.
Sir _Pat._ I profess ingenuously, a very discreet young Man.
_Wit._ But, Madam, when may I promise my self the satisfaction of coming again? For I"m impatient for the Sight and Enjoyment of the fair Person I love.
L. _Fan._ Sir, you may come at night, and something I will do by that time shall certainly give you that access you wish for.
_Wit._ May I depend upon that Happiness?
L. _Fan._ Oh, doubt not my power over Sir _Patient_.
Sir _Pat._ My Lady _Fancy_, you promise largely.
L. _Fan._ Sir _Patient_ here!
_Wit._ A Devil on him, wou"d I were well off: now must I dissemble, profess, and lye most confoundedly.
Sir _Pat._ Your Servant, Sir, your Servant.--My Lady _Fancy_, your Ladyship, is well entertain"d I see; have a care you make me not jealous, my Lady _Fancy_.
L. _Fan._ Indeed I have given you cause, Sir _Patient_, for I have been entertaining a Lover, and one you must admit of too.
Sir _Pat._ Say you so, my Lady _Fancy_?--Well, Sir, I am a Man of Reason, and if you shew me good causes why, can bid you welcome, for I do nothing without Reason and Precaution.
_Wit._ Sir, I have--
Sir _Pat._ I know what you wou"d say, Sir; few Words denoteth a Wise Head,--you wou"d say that you have an Ambition to be my Son-in-Law.
_Wit._ You guess most right, Sir.
Sir _Pat._ Nay, Sir, I"ll warrant I"ll read a Man as well as the best, I have studied it.
_Wit._ Now, Invention, help me or never.
Sir _Pat._ Your Name, I pray?
[Putting off his Hat gravely at every Word.
_Wit._ _Fainlove_, Sir.
Sir _Pat._ Good Mr. _Fainlove_, your Country?
_Wit._ _Yorkshire_, Sir.
Sir _Pat._ What, not Mr. _Fainlove"s_ Son of _Yorkshire_, who was knighted in the good days of the late Lord Protector?
[Off his Hat.
_Wit._ The same, Sir.--I am in, but how to come off again the Devil take me if I know.
[Aside.
Sir _Pat._ He was a Man of admirable parts, believe me, a notable Head piece, a publick-spirited Person, and a good Commonwealths-man, that he was, on my word.--Your Estate, Sir, I pray?
[Hat off.
_Wit._ I have not impair"d it, Sir, and I presume you know its value:--For I am a Dog if I do.
[Aside.
Sir _Pat._ O" my Word, "tis then considerable, Sir; for he left but one Son, and fourteen hundred Pounds _per Annum_, as I take it: which Son, I hear, is lately come from _Geneva_, whither he was sent for virtuous Education. I am glad of your Arrival, Sir.--Your Religion, I pray?
_Wit._ You cannot doubt my Principles, Sir, since educated at _Geneva_.
Sir _Pat._ Your Father was a discreet Man: ah, Mr. _Fainlove_, he and I have seen better days, and wish we cou"d have foreseen these that are arriv"d.
_Wit._ That he might have turn"d honest in time, he means, before he had purchas"d Bishops Lands.
Sir _Pat._ Sir, you have no Place, Office, Dependance or Attendance at Court, I hope?
_Wit._ None, Sir,--Wou"d I had--so you were hang"d. [Aside.
L. _Fan._ Nay, Sir, you may believe, I knew his Capacities and Abilities before I would encourage his Addresses.
Sir _Pat._ My Lady _Fancy_, you are a discreet Lady;--Well, I"ll marry her out of hand, to prevent Mr. _Lodwick"s_ hopes: for though the young man may deserve well, that Mother of his I"ll have nothing to do with, since she refused to marry my Nephew.
[Aside.
Enter _f.a.n.n.y_.
_Fan._ Sir Father, here"s my Lady _Knowell_, and her Family come to see you.
Sir _Pat._ How! her whole Family! I am come to keep open House; very fine, her whole Family! she"s Plague enough to mortify any good Christian,--Tell her, my Lady and I am gone forth; tell her any thing to keep her away.
_Fan._ Shou"d I tell a lye, Sir Father, and to a Lady of her Quality?
Sir _Pat._ Her Quality and she are a Couple of Impertinent things, which are very troublesome, and not to be indur"d I take it.
_Fan._ Sir, we shou"d bear with things we do not love sometimes, "tis a sort of Trial, Sir, a kind of Mortification fit for a good Christian.
Sir _Pat._ Why, what a notable talking Baggage is this! How came you by this Doctrine?
_Fan._ I remember, Sir, you preach"d it once to my Sister, when the old Alderman was the Text, whom you exhorted her to marry, but the wicked Creature made ill use on"t.
Sir _Pat._ Go your way for a prating Huswife, go, and call your Sister hither. [Exit _f.a.n.n.y_.] --Well, I"m resolv"d to leave this Town, nay, and the World too, rather than be tormented thus.
L. _Fan._ What"s the matter, Dear, thou dost so fret thy self?
Sir _Pat._ The matter! my House, my House is besieged with Impertinence; the intolerable Lady, Madam _Romance_, that walking Library of profane Books is come to visit me.