L. _Fan._ My Lady _Knowell_?
Sir _Pat._ Yes, that Lady of eternal Noise and hard Words.
L. _Fan._ Indeed "tis with pain I am oblig"d to be civil to her, but I consider her Quality, her Husband was too an Alderman, your Friend, and a great Ay and No Man i" th" City, and a painful Promoter of the good Cause.
Sir _Pat._ But she"s a Fop, my Lady _Fancy_, and ever was so, an idle conceited she Fop; and has Vanity and Tongue enough to debauch any Nation under civil Government: but, Patience, thou art a Virtue, and Affliction will come.--Ah, I"m very sick, alas, I have not long to dwell amongst the Wicked, Oh, oh.--_Roger_, is the Doctor come?
Enter _Roger_.
_Rog._ No, Sir, but he has sent you a small draught of a Pint, which you are to take, and move upon"t.
Sir _Pat._ Ah,--Well, I"ll in and take it;--Ah--Sir, I crave your Patience for a moment, for I design you shall see my Daughter, I"ll not make long work on"t, Sir: alas, I would dispose of her before I die: Ah,--I"ll bring her to you, Sir, Ah, Ah.-- [Goes out with _Roger_.
L. _Fan._ He"s always thus when visited, to save Charges,--But how, dear _Wittmore_, cam"st thou to think of a Name and Country so readily?
_Wit._ Egad, I was at the height of my Invention, and the Alderman civilly and kindly a.s.sisted me with the rest; but how to undeceive him--
L. _Fan._ Take no care for that, in the mean time you"ll be shreudly hurt to have the way laid open to our Enjoyment, and that by my Husband"s procurement too: But take heed, dear _Wittmore_, whilst you only design to feign a Courtship, you do it not in good earnest.
_Wit._ Unkind Creature!
L. _Fan._ I would not have you endanger her Heart neither: for thou hast Charms will do"t.--Prithee do not put on thy best Looks, nor speak thy softest Language; for if thou dost, thou canst not fail to undo her.
_Wit._ Well, my pretty Flatterer, to free her Heart and thy Suspicions, I"ll make such aukward Love as shall persuade her, however she chance to like my Person, to think most leudly of my Parts.--But "tis fit I take my leave, for if _Lodwick_ or _Leander_ see me here, all will be ruin"d; death, I had forgot that.
L. _Fan._ _Leander"s_ seldom at home, and you must time your Visits: but see Sir _Patient"s_ return"d, and with him your new Mistress.
Enter Sir _Patient_ and _Isabella_.
Sir _Pat._ Here"s my Daughter _Isabella_, Mr. _Fainlove_: she"ll serve for a Wife, Sir, as times go; but I hope you are none of those.--Sweet-heart, this Gentleman I have design"d you, he"s rich and young, and I am old and sickly, and just going out of the World, and would gladly see thee in safe Hands.
_Maun._ He has been just going this twenty Years. [Aside.
Sir _Pat._ Therefore I command you to receive the tenders of his Affection.
Enter _f.a.n.n.y_.
_Fan._ Sir Father, my Lady _Knowell"s_ in the Garden.
L. _Fan._ My Dear, we must go meet her in decency.
Sir _Pat._ A hard case, a Man cannot be sick in quiet.
[Exit with L. _Fan._
_Isab._ A Husband, and that not _Lodwick_! Heaven forbid. [Aside.
_Wit._ Now Foppery a.s.sist to make me very ridiculous,--Death, she"s very pretty and inviting; what an insensible Dog shall I be counted to refuse the Enjoyment of so fair, so new a Creature, and who is like to be thrown into my Arms too whether I will or not?--but Conscience and my Vows to the fair Mother: No, I will be honest.--Madam,--as Gad shall save me, I"m the Son of a Wh.o.r.e, if you are not the most Belle Person I ever saw, and if I be not d.a.m.nably in love with you; but a pox take all tedious Courtship, I have a free-born and generous Spirit; and as I hate being confin"d to dull Cringing, Whining, Flattering, and the Devil and all of Foppery, so when I give an Heart, I"m an Infidel, Madam, if I do not love to do"t frankly and quickly, that thereby I may oblige the beautiful Receiver of my Vows, Protestations, Pa.s.sions, and Inclination.
_Isab._ You"re wonderful ingaging, Sir, and I were an Ingrate not to facilitate a return for the Honour you are pleas"d to do me.
_Wit._ Upon my Reputation, Madam, you"re a civil well-bred Person, you have all the Agreemony of your s.e.x, _la belle Taille_, _la bonne Mine_, & _Reparteee bien_, and are _tout oure toore_, as I"m a Gentleman, _fort agreeable_.--If this do not please your Lady, and nauseate her, the Devil"s in "em both for unreasonable Women.-- [To _Maun._
_Fan._ Gemini, Sister, does the Gentleman conjurer?
_Isab._ I know not, but I"m sure I never saw a more affected Fop.
_Maun._ O, a d.a.m.nable impertinent Fop! "tis pity, for he"s a proper Gentleman.
_Wit._ Well, if I do hold out, Egad, I shall be the bravest young Fellow in Christendom: But, Madam, I must kiss your Hand at present, I have some Visits to make, Devoirs to pay, necessities of Gallantry only, no Love Engagements, by _Jove_, Madam; it is sufficient I have given my Parole to your Father, to do him the honour of my Alliance; and an unnecessary Jealousy will but disoblige, Madam, your Slave.--Death, these Rogues see me, and I"m undone.-- [Exit.
Enter Lady _Fancy_, Lady _Knowell_, Sir _Credulous_ and _Lucretia_, with other Women and Men, _Roger_ attending.
L. _Kno._ _Isabella_, your Servant, Madam: being sensible of the insociable and solitary Life you lead, I have brought my whole Family to wait on your Ladyship, and this my Son _in Futuro_, to kiss your Hands, I beseech your Ladyship to know him for your humble Servant: my Son and your Nephew, Madam, are coming with the Musick too, we mean to pa.s.s the whole Day with your Ladyship:--and see they are here.
Enter _Lodwick_ pulling in _Wittmore_, _Leander_ with them.
_Lod._ Nay, since we have met thee so luckily, you must back with us.
_Wit._ You must excuse me, Gentlemen.
_Lod._ We"ll shew you two or three fine Women.
_Wit._ Death, these Rogues will ruin me--but I have Business, Gentlemen, that--
_Lean._ That must not hinder you from doing Deeds of Charity: we are all come to t.e.e.ze my Uncle, and you must a.s.sist at so good a Work;--come, gad, thou shall make love to my Aunt.--I wou"d he wou"d effectually.
[Aside.
_Lod._ Now I think on"t, what the Devil dost thou make here?
_Wit._ Here!--oh, Sir--a--I have a design upon the Alderman.
_Lod._ Upon his handsome Wife thou meanest; ah, Rogue!
_Wit._ Faith, no,--a--"tis to--borrow Mony of him; and as I take it, Gentlemen, you are not fit Persons for a Man of Credit to be seen with, I pa.s.s for a graver Man.
_Lod._ Well, Sir, take your Course--but, egad, he"ll sooner lend thee his Wife than his Money.
[Exit _Wittmore_, they come in.
_Lean._ Aunt, I have taken the boldness to bring a Gentleman of my Acquaintance to kiss your Ladyship"s Hands.
_Lod._ Thy Aunt!--death, she"s very handsome.--Madam, your most humble Servant.
[Kisses the L. _Fan._
_Lean._ Prithee imploy this Fool, that I may have an opportunity to entertain thy Sister.
_Lod._ Sir _Credulous_, what, not a Word? not a Compliment? Hah,--be brisk, Man, be gay and witty, talk to the Ladies.
Sir _Cred._ Talk to "em! why, what shall I say to "em?