Dollie chewed her lip thoughtfully. "I"ll know when I look into his eyes or when he kisses me. It will be pure magic! Do you feel like that with the man you love, Lidian?"
Lidian hesitated for a long moment. Whatever magic she had felt with Chance had faded long ago. A year of waiting and wondering had taken its toll on her emotions. There was so much that was still unresolved between her and Chance. "I think I did," she said quietly. "But being in love is not all magic, Dollie. And it"s not something I"d care to experience again."
Dollie looked intrigued and sympathetic. "Uncle Garrett says the same thing. Now that his wife is gone, there"s not enough of his heart left to give to anyone."
"Your poor uncle," Lidian murmured sincerely. Although he could be surly and short-tempered at times, she rather liked the man. There was a softness beneath his gruff facade that she had discovered a few days ago, when he had accidentally intruded on her while she was reading by herself in the library. Embarra.s.sed to be caught with a novel ent.i.tled Love Lost Forever, she had jumped slightly and set the book aside.
Usually Garrett was indifferent to her, but there was an amused gleam in his dark eyes, and the lines on his face had relaxed a little. "What are you reading, child?"
Lidian had flushed guiltily. "A romantic novel," she had confessed. It was one of her favorites-she had read it many times and brought it with her from Acland Hall. "You must think I"m very silly, my lord, indulging in idle fancies."
"No," he had interrupted quietly. "Such fancies can make life very pleasant." He went to pour himself a drink. "Continue with your reading, child. I"ll be gone in a moment."
"Lord De Gray...you won"t tell anyone, will you?" She couldn"t bear it if anyone else found out that she had been reading love stories, and teased her about it. She could only imagine how Eric De Gray would mock her.
"Certainly not." He had actually smiled. "If you prefer, you may call me Uncle Garrett, as Dollie does."
Since she already referred to the earl and countess as Uncle Edgar and Aunt Julia, Lidian had nodded in agreement. "Thank you. However...I"m not certain my mother would approve." It was clear to everyone that Elizabeth did not hold Garrett in the same high regard she had for the other De Grays. Elizabeth frequently directed small barbs at him, criticizing his drinking, his smoking and gambling, and his habit of coming and going at all hours.
"Yes," Garrett had said dryly, "your mother and I don"t seem to be on the best of terms."
"I think that is a pity."
"Oh?"
Lidian chose her words carefully, knowing that Garrett had never seen the side of her mother that was loving, charming, and vulnerable. All he had seen was the reserved, disapproving facade that Elizabeth adopted whenever he was near. "I know my mother seems to be prim and proper, and rather critical...but underneath she is a warm and delightful person. She misses my father terribly, and she"s had so much responsibility since he died. If only you..." Lidian stopped, having said more than she had intended.
Garrett"s expression had been unfathomable, but for a moment there had been a curious look in his eyes. "If only?" he prompted.
"If only you would try talking to her some time," Lidian said earnestly, "I think you would like her very much."
He had responded with a sardonic snort, nodding to her as he departed with his drink in hand. Lidian had wondered if he would follow her suggestion. She soon concluded that he wouldn"t.
One evening Garrett brought a guest to share supper with the De Grays, a beautiful woman with white-blond hair, pouting ruby lips, and a lazy, melted-sugar voice. Although she was dad in a dark, high-necked gown, the woman, whom Garrett introduced as Lady Hewet, seemed barely respectable. At supper she slid Garrett long looks through the black fringe of her lashes and told amusing-if shocking-stories about the latest scandals in London.
"Have you heard that Lady Montbain has recently given birth to her fifth child?" Lady Hewet asked with a catlike smile. "A dear little boy with curly black hair."
"How wonderful," Julia replied sincerely. "Lord Montbain must be terribly proud."
"He would be," Lady Hewet said with a throaty giggle, "if the baby resembled him. Unfortunately the child bears a striking likeness to his best friend, Lord Lambert!"
Garrett smiled slightly. Dollie and Edgar looked down at their plates with severe concentration while Lidian felt her face turn pink. She darted a quick glance at her mother, whose lips were compressed so tightly that they appeared to have been sewn shut.
Mama, please don"t say anything, Lidian thought, but Elizabeth spoke in a crisp, controlled tone.
"Lady Hewet, I fear that such conversation is not suitable for the ears of impressionable girls."
Lady Hewit"s red lips curved in a droll smile. "They must learn about life sometime, dear."
"Perhaps," Elizabeth replied. "But not now...and not from you."
Lady Hewit"s smile disappeared with a twitch, and she turned to Garrett, whispering slyly in his ear, while Julia hastened to find a new topic of conversation.
Later that night, Elizabeth aired her feelings to Lidian as she unpinned her hair at the dressing table. "Garrett De Gray is offensive in too many ways to count," Elizabeth exclaimed, dropping the pins in a heedless scatter. She picked up a silverbacked brush and dragged it through her dark hair in swift strokes. "I can"t think why Edgar and Julia allow him to stay here with all of his carryings-on, bringing women of questionable reputation to supper...how such a refined family could produce such an abrasive creature is impossible to fathom! Did you see the way he allowed that woman to rub every part of her anatomy against him? And in front of everyone!"
Lidian repressed a smile, suspecting that Elizabeth would rather die than admit that she was jealous of Garrett De Gray. "He"s not completely objectionable," she said lightly. "You must admit, he is rather attractive for a man in his late forties."
"Is he? I"ve never been able to see him clearly through the cloud of cigar smoke swirling constantly around his head."
Lidian laughed. "Poor man. He wants reforming badly, doesn"t he?"
"There"s not a woman alive with the strength and patience to do it," Elizabeth said darkly, and set the brush on the table. "Certainly not Lady Hewet!"
"Perhaps Uncle Garrett needs the influence of a woman like you, Mama," Lidian dared to say, watching her mother"s face in the vanity mirror.
Elizabeth seemed astounded by the remark. "Me?...I would prefer to have as little exposure as possible to that ill-natured man!"
"I think his bad behavior may be a result of loneliness," Lidian remarked. "It"s very difficult to love someone for so long and then lose her-or him-unexpectedly. You of all people can understand that, Mama."
"I would rather not discuss him anymore," Elizabeth said in a no-nonsense tone, and Lidian agreed dutifully.
Seated at one of the mahogany desks in the De Gray library, Lidian added stacks of figures from an account book that had been delivered to her by the temporary estate manager at Acland Hall. She concentrated on the numbers, unaware that someone had entered the room until she heard a familiar voice.
"Miss Acland. What a pleasant surprise."
Lidian rose from her chair with such haste that she nearly knocked over the inkwell on the desk. She stared at Eric De Gray, lean and powerful in his riding clothes. Although she had tried to prepare herself for when they would meet again, she was aware of a breathlessness she couldn"t quite control. His self-a.s.surance was formidable as he stood there with a casual smile playing on his lips. All at once she remembered the way he had kissed her, the warmth of his mouth, the light grip of his hand on the back of her neck. A blush covered her face, and she tried in vain to recover her wits.
"I"m sure it"s no surprise to you," she finally said. "You must have known that my mother and I were staying with your family."
"Do the accommodations please you, Miss Acland?" He spoke with such excessive politeness that it almost seemed like mockery.
Lidian nodded cautiously. "De Gray House is magnificent, and everyone has been very kind."
"A fortunate coincidence, that our mothers have renewed their acquaintance."
"Fortunate for whom?" she parried, backing away as De Gray came farther into the room.
His glance encompa.s.sed her from head to toe, taking in every detail of her brown-wool-and-corded-silk gown. Was it her imagination, or did his gaze linger at her b.r.e.a.s.t.s? The high-necked gown had fit perfectly three years ago, but as she had matured, the bodice had become a little too snug. Unfortunately there hadn"t been enough money to have more than one or two new gowns made every season. Lidian stared at De Gray defensively, resisting the urge to cross her arms over her chest.
"You"re more beautiful each time I see you," he murmured.
"Lord De Gray...I want to make something clear," Lidian said uneasily, ignoring the compliment. "I have come here against my better judgment because my mother was adamant about it. I certainly hope you don"t think I have any designs on you merely because I"m staying at your parents" home."
De Gray stared at her speculatively and reached into his pocket. "I happened to find these at the Willoughbys" ball after you left me. They belong to you, don"t they?"
Lidian blushed fiercely as she stared at the pair of white gloves in his hand. They were the ones she had left in the parlor when she had rushed away after he had kissed her. She must have them back, or he could use them to tarnish her reputation. "My lord...you wouldn"t tell anyone about that night, would you? You must keep your silence-"
"Of course."
"Thank you," she said in relief, holding out her hand for the gloves.
De Gray came closer and touched her chin with his forefinger, nudging it upward until she met his gaze directly. "However, there is a price to pay for my silence."
"A price?" she repeated in confusion, withdrawing her hand.
"Another kiss...and this time no slap afterward."
Lidian jerked back from him in outrage. "You are the most shameless, petty, unprincipled-"
"Do you want these back?" he interrupted, dangling the gloves before her temptingly. "Or shall I return them to you at a family supper some night and let you make the explanations?"
Lidian made a grab for them, but he held them high over her head and smiled maddeningly.
"What shall it be, Miss Acland?"
Her mind whirled. The thought of letting him kiss her, after all the nights of remembering...made her weak with anxiety. But perhaps it wouldn"t be the same. She might feel nothing this time. Oh, how she would love to show him that he didn"t affect her! She answered in a burst of frustration. "Oh, do it! Do it quickly, and then leave me alone!" She closed her eyes and waited, her lips clamped shut, her nostrils flaring with her rapid breath.
Eric prolonged the moment, enjoying the sight of her upturned face, her fine black brows drawn together in a frown. He cupped her cheeks in his hands, his thumbs smoothing over the downy surface of her skin, his fingertips meeting the silky edge of her hairline. It was exquisite pleasure to hold her again. She flinched at his touch, as if the heat of his hands had startled her, and he felt the pulse in her throat against the heels of his hands.
Lowering his mouth to hers, he kissed her gently, warming her lips until they parted in hesitant welcome. He explored her mouth leisurely, teasing, tasting, until his heart thumped and his body ached with desire. He felt her reach for the lapels of his riding coat, her fingers clutching tightly to compensate for a sudden loss of balance. Breaking the kiss, he stared into her eyes, feeling as if he could drown in the soft darkness.
Somehow Lidian found the strength to pull away from him. "I hope you enjoyed that," she said, striving for a cool tone, as if the kiss hadn"t affected her in the least...as if she weren"t bewildered and shattered by the sensation of their breath and lips and heat mingling.
De Gray smiled and handed her the gloves. "Chauncey Spencer is a lucky man."
"How did you find out his name?" she asked unsteadily.
De Gray spoke in a cool, amused voice. "Miss Acland, the torch you"re carrying for Spencer is hardly a secret. A friend told me about it the night of the Torringtons" ball."
For a moment Lidian"s mind was blank with surprise. Then anger swept over her. How dare he imply that she was an object of amus.e.m.e.nt or pity! She twisted the gloves until they were a long rope in her hands. It didn"t matter what De Gray and his fashionable friends gossiped about. Let them mock her for having loved Chance-she didn"t care what anyone thought of her. She turned back to the account books on the desk. "I have work to do," she said shortly.
But De Gray wasn"t ready to leave. "As a matter of fact, Miss Acland, I saw Spencer last night."
It took Lidian several moments to comprehend what he had said. She spun to face him, her mouth open in astonishment. "What?"
"It seems the Honorable Chauncey Spencer has returned from the Continent. I happened to meet him at Craven"s last evening. He was playing cards and relating the experiences of his "grand tour"-"
"You"re lying!"
His gaze locked on her face, taking in every nuance of her expression. There was a sudden hard gleam in his eyes, which could have been anger. "No," he said softly. "Your true love is in London, and apparently he hasn"t yet taken the time to seek you out."
Lidian felt as if she had been hit in the stomach. "I don"t believe you."
"He spends most of his evenings gambling at Craven"s-"
"Don"t you dare say a word against him," Lidian hissed, "or I"ll hate you forever!"
He stared at her in the highly charged silence, his gaze piercing.
"Eric?" came a light feminine voice, and suddenly Dollie appeared in the doorway. "I thought I heard voices in here. So you"ve finally come to visit! Well, I certainly hope you intend to stay for supper..." Her smile faded as she looked from Lidian"s defensive posture to Eric"s hard face.
Immediately De Gray"s expression was wiped clean, and he gave his sister an easy smile. He walked over to her and brushed a kiss on her cheek. "Little sister," he murmured, "I wouldn"t dream of missing supper. I want to hear about your latest conquests."
Dollie laughed and pushed at his arm. "Save your charm for Mama and Lady Elizabeth. They"re taking tea in the parlor." She threw a hopeful glance at Lidian. "Won"t you come, too?"
Lidian shook her head and blindly made her way to the desk. "I must see to these account books."
Dollie"s face registered her disappointment. "Oh, dear. I do hope you"ll finish soon, Lidian." Slipping her arm through her brother"s, she left the room with Eric, who didn"t spare Lidian a backward glance. "She has an astonishing head for numbers," Dollie"s voice came floating back. "She"s as intelligent as she is pretty, Eric..."
"Really." De Gray"s voice was dry.
After they were gone, Lidian sat down at the desk and stared at nothing in particular. Her mind was swimming with questions. Chance was here, in London. She remembered the way he had told her good-bye, promising that he would return soon, that he would miss her and think of her every day...How could he seem so sincere and then ignore her upon his return? There must be some misunderstanding, either on her part or his. She had to see him and find out what had happened.
Craven"s...De Gray had said that Chance gambled there every night. Perhaps he would be there this evening. Some of her anxiety faded, replaced by determination. If Chance was at Craven"s tonight, she would find him, and she wouldn"t rest until she had gotten an explanation from him.
During supper, Lidian sat quietly at the De Grays" long linen-covered dining table and studiously avoided glancing at Eric. She didn"t speak to him except when politeness required. He responded with the same indifference, focusing his attention on his family. Lidian could see that her mother was surprised by her unusual reticence, not to mention the De Grays, who clearly adored Eric. The group laughed and talked animatedly as they discussed the latest social and political events in London. Lidian felt isolated from all of them, unable to think about anything except the fact that Chance was somewhere in the city at this very moment...and she would see him soon.
After supper she expressed a desire to retire early to her room, pleading a headache in order to avoid socializing with the De Grays. Dollie followed her, wearing a pucker of concern on her forehead. Together they paused in the central hallway. "Lidian...are you all right?"
"I"ll be fine after a long night"s rest."
"You don"t like my brother very much, do you?" Dollie asked sadly.
Lidian hesitated. "I really have no feelings for him one way or the other." She smiled warmly at Dollie. "However, I adore you and your parents."
"We feel the same way about you. Perhaps you would regard Eric in a different light if you spent more time with him."
"Perhaps," Lidian said doubtfully, and hugged her briefly. "Good night, Dollie."
The girl smiled at her and went back to join the others while Lidian ascended the great curving staircase.
Late that night, when De Gray"s carriage was gone and the household was asleep, Lidian donned a hooded cloak made of heavy gray wool and slipped out of her room. Her heart pounded as she crept carefully to the servants" stairs and made her way to the first floor. Crossing through the kitchen and the servants" hall, she left through the entrance at the back of the house.
The February air was cold and biting, but the sky was unusually clear with only a few streamers of cloud winding through the star-dotted sky. Lidian shivered and pulled the hood of the cloak over her face as she hurried through the courtyard of De Gray House and out to the street. After a few minutes of walking, she saw the dark outline of a hackney cab rattling toward her. She hurried toward the vehicle, waving her arm. "Here," she called, "over here!"
The hackney came to a stop, and she caught a glimpse of the driver, a wizened little old man wearing a dark knitted cap. "Take me to St. James Street," she said. "To Craven"s."
"Aye, milady." He waited until she had climbed into the carriage, and clicked to the horse.
As the hackney traveled toward the south of London, Lidian smoothed her hands over the velvet pouch of her reticule, feeling the shape of coins and rustling bank notes. She had sc.r.a.ped the money together shilling by shilling for emergencies such as this. Glancing at the scenery they pa.s.sed, she saw dark shapes scuttling in and out of the shadows, pickpockets and prost.i.tutes emerging to mingle with the gentlemen who would devote themselves to an evening"s revelry.
""T"isn"t safe for a pretty young girl to be alone out at night," the driver remarked, turning onto St. James and pa.s.sing the endless line of carriages stopped in front of the gambling club. The hackney came to a halt.
"I"ll be all right," Lidian said, handing him some coins and descending from the vehicle. "Good evening, sir."
"Sir," he repeated with a croak of a laugh, as if no one had ever called him that, and he waited until she crossed the street before the carriage rattled away.
She was intimidated by the palatial white building, the light pouring from the windows, the thoroughly masculine atmosphere. Patrons entered the club in a steady stream, under the watchful eye of a butler at the door. Clutching her reticule, Lidian made her way up the steps. Many curious stares were directed at the sight of an unaccompanied woman approaching the doorway.