"Miss?" The butler regarded her with an imperturbable expression.
Lidian summoned a smile, trying to appear confident. "I believe Lord Spencer is one of the members of your club. Would you see if he is here tonight? It is urgent that I speak with him."
The butler shook his head. "Miss, it is not club policy-"
"Please, ask him to come out here and see me. I don"t think he"ll mind."
The butler regarded her dubiously, glancing at her hopeful face and her respectable but well-worn cloak. Lidian could almost see his inner debate taking place. He wanted to refuse her, and yet something made him hesitate. She held her breath, hoping desperately that he wouldn"t turn her away.
All at once the dilemma was solved by the appearance of a second man. He was small and bespectacled, with an air that revealed him to be an employee with high-standing authority. He seemed mildly surprised to see her on the doorstep and turned to the butler. "Is there a problem?" he asked.
The butler lowered his head and murmured to him, while the smaller man stared at Lidian through his spectacles. Finally the smaller man identified himself as the club factotum and spoke to her briskly. "No women allowed in the club, miss. That is a rule Mr. Craven holds fast to."
"I don"t wish to come inside. All I want is for someone to notify Lord Spencer that I wish to speak to him." The thought of being refused made her eyes sting and glisten with unshed tears. "Please, sir."
Both men looked rather alarmed at her expression "Don"t cry, miss," the factotum said hastily. "I"m sure there"s no need for that. I will inquire if Lord Spencer is at the club tonight. Your name, if you please?"
Lidian answered in a rush of relief. "I"d rather not say. Just tell him that an old friend is asking for him." She had a feeling Chance was here; she knew it in her bones.
"Very well. If you wouldn"t mind waiting here, miss?"
"Certainly," she whispered gratefully.
The factotum disappeared into the club, while Lidian stood back and watched as the butler admitted more members. In a few minutes she saw a man"s tall shape in the doorway. Hesitantly she pushed back the hood of her cloak and stepped forward. She heard Chance"s familiar voice, overlaid with bewilderment. "What in G.o.d"s name...Lidian? My G.o.d, I can"t believe you"re here!"
He was so handsome, so familiar, with his black hair and striking face. After a year of waiting and dreaming, Lidian couldn"t help throwing herself into his arms. She laid her cheek against his shoulder, tears slipping from beneath her lashes. "Chance," she said in aching relief. "Chance, it"s really you." Slowly his arms closed around her, and she gave a faint sob at the feeling of being held by him.
When he finally spoke, the smell of wine was strong on his breath. "Good G.o.d, I never expected this." A quiver of amus.e.m.e.nt touched his voice.
"When did you return from the Continent?" Lidian asked, still pressing close against him.
"Just a few weeks ago."
"Why didn"t you come for me? There was no word from you, nothing-"
"How is it that you"re here?"
Lidian stared at him intently. Was it her imagination, or was Chance slightly less dashing than before? She had remembered him as larger than life, taking her breath away with his masculine beauty...but now he didn"t seem quite so extraordinary. Yet she still wanted him. Chance was her first and only love, and she could hardly blame him for a.s.suming more human proportions instead of the G.o.dlike ones her memory had bestowed on him.
"I"m staying at De Gray house," she told him. "You must call on me, Chance. We have to talk. I"ve missed you, waited for you-"
"The De Grays," he interrupted, his interest caught. "How has this a.s.sociation come about?"
"My mother and the countess are old friends. Will you come, Chance?"
"Yes, I"ll try..."
"When?" Lidian was suddenly angry and ashamed that she was pleading with him, her pride in shreds.
"I don"t know exactly when. I"m a busy man, darling. Soon, I promise." He smiled down at her and kissed her forehead. "Be a good girl, Lidian, and go now. This is no place for you."
"Perhaps..." Lidian began, wanting him to take her home, but he had already turned away. How could he dismiss her so abruptly, so nonchalantly? He went inside the club, leaving her on the doorstep. "You won"t come," she whispered. "You have no intention of calling."
Lidian heard the butler"s voice as if it were far away, asking if she required him to procure a hackney cab for her. She shook her head and descended the steps. Numbly she approached the street, wanting only to be away from the bright lights of the gambling club. There was a peculiar thunderous sound in her ears as she tried to comprehend that she had seen Chance, spoken to him, and it had been nothing like the dreams she had nurtured for so long. He didn"t love her. What they had shared was far less important to him than it had been to her. Confusion, anger, bitterness rushed over her in a blinding tide. The thunder grew louder, and she shook her head impatiently as she walked forward.
All at once there was an angry shout, and she was caught in a viciously painful grip, jerked backward until her balance was lost and she was dragged to the side of the street. Before her stunned eyes, a large carriage with several outriders hurtled by at an astonishing speed. Many wealthy people preferred to travel at such a pace, signifying their own importance with the thunder of many horses and riders. Such a spectacle was certainly impressive, although it was hazardous to anyone unlucky enough to be caught in their path. She had nearly been flattened by them-she had been in too much of a daze to notice their approach.
Turning away instinctively from the sight, she found herself crushed against a man"s hard chest. He smelled of shaving soap and linen, and a trace of brandy. For a second she thought it was Chance-he had followed and pulled her out of harm"s way-but then she lifted her head and looked at him. "Lord De Gray," she said in astonishment.
Eric De Gray"s face was taut and pale, his eyes gleaming with cold fury. He looked as though he were ready to commit murder. "You little fool," he said savagely, giving her a shake that jarred her entire body. "What the h.e.l.l were you thinking?"
"Lord De Gray," she gasped, her hands coming up to his steely wrists. "You"re hurting me-"
"You were walking straight into the path of that carriage," he snarled. "You could have been killed, and hurt several others while you were at it."
"I wasn"t thinking," she managed, setting her teeth as he shook her once more. Tears came to her eyes. "Don"t, Eric...please..." She didn"t know why she had used his first name-it had never even appeared in her thoughts. But it seemed to have a miraculous effect on him, calming him instantly. He became very still, staring down at her as he continued to grip her upper arms.
It was a long time before he spoke. "You"re all right." It was neither a statement nor a question but something in between.
"Yes." Lidian lowered her face and struggled to keep her tears at bay. "Let me go."
His grip loosened, but he didn"t release her. "I happened to be visiting the club tonight. Derek Craven came to me a few minutes ago. Apparently his factotum had told him there was a dark-haired girl at the front entrance asking for Lord Spencer. I knew it couldn"t be you, but I decided to have a look, just in case. Why in G.o.d"s name are you here?"
"Because you told me that Chance was here almost every night."
"Of all the idiotic, reckless... I didn"t think you"d be fool enough to come here alone!"
"Well, I was," she retorted, gazing up at him through a wet blur. "And Chance turned me away. Now I know that all his promises to me were false. I hope you"re very h-" The word happy wouldn"t seem to come out, and she bit her lip hard to keep from breaking into sobs.
Lidian expected him to sneer then and continue telling her what a fool she was...but instead she felt the light brush of his hand on her hair, and she heard the ping of a hairpin dropping to the street.
"Your hair always seems to be coming loose," he murmured, toying with the shiny dark lock that had come free. His touch moved to her cheek, his knuckles drifting over the smooth curve. "You have the power to twist Spencer, or any other man of your choosing, around your little finger. Don"t you know that?"
"Oh, of course," she said bitterly, thinking that he was mocking her.
Her dazed misery began to abate, her heartbeat returning to its normal pace. She began to feel more like herself. Pulling away from De Gray, she adjusted her bodice and rumpled skirts. As she reached up to her hair, she discovered that most of her hairpins were falling out. She jabbed them back in tightly, welcoming the tiny needles of pain in her scalp.
"My driver and carriage are waiting nearby," De Gray said as he watched her. "I"ll take you back to De Gray House."
Lidian winced. She didn"t want to face the coming hours of tossing and turning in her bed, tormented with memories, regrets, and unwanted emotions. "I"ll never be able to sleep tonight," she murmured.
There was a long moment of silence, and then De Gray replied casually, "If that"s the case, you may as well stay with me."
She glanced at him suspiciously. "What do you mean?"
A calm, slightly mocking expression had settled on his face, as if he were contemplating a proposal he fully expected her to refuse. "Would you like to have an adventure tonight, Miss Acland?"
No one had ever said anything like that to her before. She readied herself for an insult, an offensive proposition-but she couldn"t stop herself from asking, "What kind of adventure?"
"Just a small one."
She knew she should refuse immediately...yet the temptation to agree was strong. The thought of going back to De Gray house right now, fresh from such crushing defeat, was none too appealing. "What if my mother discovers that I"m gone?"
"You were willing to risk that for Spencer, weren"t you?"
"Yes, but..." Lidian fell silent, unable to believe that she was hesitating. Tell him to take you straight home, she thought. After all that"s happened, you should know what comes of trusting men, no matter how appealing they seem. She was caught in the position of being unwilling to say no and unable to say yes. She settled for looking up at him helplessly, her brows quirking in a frown.
Suddenly De Gray laughed and straightened her cloak, drawing the hood protectively around her face. "Come with me," he said, making the decision for her.
"Where are we going?"
"The pleasure gardens at Vauxhall."
"I"ve heard of that place. Aren"t there prost.i.tutes there? And thieves?"
"Every kind of person you can imagine," he said, walking her toward the long line of private carriages waiting outside the club.
Lidian was at once worried and intrigued, wondering how she had come to this turn in her life, going to Vauxhall with a man she barely knew, in the middle of the night. "Why are they called "pleasure gardens"?"
"Perhaps you"ll find out," he said in a tantalizing tone.
"Before I agree to go with you, you must promise that you"ll be a gentleman."
He grinned and signaled for his carriage. "Unlike the other men of your acquaintance, Miss Acland, I never make promises I can"t keep."
4.
With all the whispers of decadence and scandal that accompanied the mention of Vauxhall, Lidian had never actually been quite certain what it was. She quickly discovered that an evening at Vauxhall, an area located north of Kensington Lane, was exactly like attending a party-the most amazing party she could ever imagine. She had never been exposed to a large group of such uninhibited people: aristocrats, dandies, ladies, and prost.i.tutes. Music from a large orchestra filled the air while food vendors sold ice cream, cheesecakes, and biscuits. Lines formed at a lottery booth where tickets were sold for a chance to win colorful trinkets.
Lord De Gray paid the extravagant sum of two guineas apiece for them to enter the gardens. Lidian took care not to meet anyone"s gaze and stayed close by De Gray"s side. However, curiosity soon got the better of her, and she stared at her surroundings with wonder. The gardens were laid out in a pattern of five walkways, some of them covered with awnings and bordered with trees, with gravel or brick underfoot. A cold night breeze whipped around her, and she shivered, glad for the warmth of her thick wool cloak.
De Gray stopped and purchased a narrow black felt mask for her, similar to those many other people were wearing. "No proper young lady would be caught without one," he a.s.sured her dryly, "as well as husbands spending a night away from their wives, or young bloods who wish to appear dashing-"
"Are you going to wear one?" she asked, letting him tie the strip of felt behind her head.
He turned her around to face him, adjusting the mask until she could see through the eyeholes. "It"s no scandal for me to be here, Miss Acland. You, on the other hand, would be ruined." Noticing that Lidian"s gaze had strayed to a man walking by with a tray of biscuits, he smiled slightly. "You must be hungry. You barely touched your supper earlier."
"I was too nervous to eat. I kept thinking about..." Her voice trailed away as she recalled how eager she had been to see Chance.
"Forget about that," he said abruptly, and drew her toward the Grove, where more than a hundred supper boxes were located. They were filled with couples enjoying plates of ham, tongue, and chicken while listening to the orchestra. The music was loud and invigorating, causing all thoughts of Chance to fade from Lidian"s mind. De Gray seated her at a supper box, its interior painted with a country scene by the artist Francis Hayman. The crowd hummed and sang along as the orchestra played a popular tune.
At De Gray"s gesture, a waiter brought them plates piled with miniature roast chickens, paper-thin slices of ham, pastry, and cake filled with layers of cream and berry jam. Lidian applied herself to the food hungrily, pausing in surprise as De Gray handed her a gla.s.s of wine.
"I"m not allowed to drink wine," she said, hesitating.
De Gray lowered his mouth to her ear. "I won"t tell," he said conspiratorially, his low voice causing a pleasurable p.r.i.c.kling along her spine. She smiled and accepted the gla.s.s, taking a sip of the rich red vintage. De Gray urged more delicacies on her and teased her until she couldn"t help laughing at his nonsense. She leaned into the warmth of his side with increasing trust. The novelty of being in such a place and receiving the flattering attentions of a handsome man worked a peculiar spell on her. She wanted the night never to end.... She was in the middle of an enchanting dream. Fireworks were set off at the conclusion of the musical performance, spinning rocket wheels that shot into the sky and bursts of colored light that unfolded into brilliant blossoms. Lidian watched in delight while the crowd cheered at each new display.
Afterward De Gray escorted her from the supper box and strolled with her toward the Grove. "I wish I could feel this way forever," Lidian said, still glowing from the wine and entertainment.
"What way?" he asked, smiling at her excitement.
"As if I had wings!" She sighed suddenly. "Of course, tomorrow I"ll have to come back down to earth."
De Gray stared at her with dark gray-green eyes, and for a moment there was a strange touch of yearning in them. Lidian had the feeling he wanted to say something to her, make her understand something important-and yet something held him back.
Finally he replied in a neutral tone, breaking the spell. "Tonight isn"t over yet." Stopping at the lottery booth, he paid a few shillings for her to draw a prize. At his urging, Lidian plunged her hand into a bowl of paper tickets and curled her fingers around one. She pulled it out and handed it to the man in the booth.
"A prize for the lady!" the man exclaimed, examining the number on the ticket. He reached behind the counter and retrieved a small object for her. It was a painted tin whistle strung on a blue ribbon.
Lidian hung it around her neck and blew it until she produced a shrill sound. Without ceremony De Gray removed the whistle from her puckered lips and tucked it inside her cloak.
"Now, whenever I whistle, you must obey my summons," Lidian said with a laugh.
De Gray smiled and made a slight bow. "Anytime, my lady."
She regarded him dubiously. "You won"t forget your promise, will you?"
He stared down at her and stroked aside a tiny wisp of hair that had caught on the edge of her mask. "Never."
Lidian didn"t protest as he slid his arm familiarly around her back. They strolled along some of the walkways, where couples promenaded back and forth and randy young men ogled the women who pa.s.sed. As they neared the end of the Hermit"s Walk, Lidian caught a glimpse of two entwined figures, a man and woman kissing pa.s.sionately in the shadows. She blushed and glanced up at De Gray, who had also seen them. Lidian wondered how many other women De Gray had brought here, and if he had ever seduced a girl into forgetting her inhibitions along one of these shadowed walkways.
"Have you ever been in love?" Lidian asked shyly, gazing at his austere profile.
"I"ve felt something close to it, a time or two."
"Perhaps someday you"ll know what it"s like," she said in her most mature tone.
She heard the catch of a laugh in his throat. His voice was brushed with irony. "I certainly hope so." They stopped at the most narrow path Lidian had seen so far. It looked dark and quiet, a tunnel of shadows and rustling leaves. "That is known as Lovers" Walk," De Gray said. "Any young woman foolish enough to venture there is practically begging for a scandal." He turned to her, one brow arched mockingly, and gestured to the path. "Shall we?"
"I don"t know," Lidian said, wondering what he wanted from her. Perhaps he was trying to make her look foolish, painting her as a timid, silly creature. But she couldn"t possibly go in such a place with him. It was bad enough to be at Vauxhall, away from the protection of her mother, drinking wine...She should put a stop to it now. She had no idea what had come over her, behaving so irresponsibly.
"Are you afraid?" he asked softly.
"Certainly not!" Lidian tried to reason with herself. What was the worst that could happen? He might try to make an advance to her...and then she would reprove him, and that would be the end of it.
Recklessly she started down the path, and he fell into step beside her. Soon they pa.s.sed another couple, whispering and exchanging kisses, and Lidian averted her gaze. She began to feel increasingly nervous as they were plunged into thicker darkness, the trees blocking all but a few gleams of the sky overhead.
"It"s very late," she commented. "It must be past midnight."
"Two o"clock, I"d guess."
She tried to think of another topic of conversation. "Will you be attending the Brimworthys" ball on Friday?"