"Remember when we were walking and you accused me of creating an obstacle course so that we would have to, you know, be near each other?" I ducked my head, unable to look at him. He reached over and grabbed my hand, threading his fingers through mine. His palms weren"t even sweaty. Mine were like Niagara Falls. I hoped he didn"t notice.
"Refresh my memory," he said. "Near each other like this?"
What was he doing? If I didn"t know better, I would think that he was flirting with me, but it couldn"t be. It must be mockery. I wiped my other hand on my jeans and couldn"t help but gulp in too much air when I noticed his T-shirt. It now read LET"S COMPLICATE THINGS.
"What?" His eyebrows shot up in surrender, a look of pure innocence on his face. "You make obstacle courses and hurricanes, I make T-shirt slogans."
"Let"s not complicate things," I said with the straightest face I could muster. He gave me the stink eye as he realized I"d used his own humor against him. But he didn"t let go of my hand.
"Seriously, listen to me. The other day, why were you at the pond? Was that your destination, or did you just not get where you were going because of your Delve and the argument with me?" I asked.
"I don"t know," he said slowly. "After walking around for a while, I stopped to think. Before I knew it the pond just materialized. My thoughts were so stagnant and I was standing there thinking about youa""
"Not fondly I"m sure," I said.
"No, not fondly at that moment." He at least seemed apologetic when he said it. "Yes, I was thinking of you and Oliver and that"s when the Delve hit and I dropped so hard that I broke my arm." He gave it the once-over, reconfirming the healing powers of the afterlife.
"To answer your original question, no, the pond wasn"t my destination, but I couldn"t say what was. I guess I was searching, trying to find something. Why? What are you thinking?" he asked.
"Maybe you were unconsciously headed here, the way I was before I even knew I had a past-life penchant for standing on cliffs."
"I can"t argue with that, but why do you look so concerned?"
"Don"t know." I turned, too antsy to stay in one place. "It just seems significant for some reason." At that exact moment, two eagles shot out of the tree line behind us and launched themselves onto a thermal. For a moment they almost seemed suspended, neither falling nor flying.
"Wow," said Trevor. "I can see why you have a thing for them. They"re magnificent. They almost rival a hummingbird."
I elbowed him in the ribs, but I breathed deeply. Seeing the eagles lessened my earlier anxiety, and Trevor"s instantaneous awe of them filled me with delight. I turned to face him, feeling hopeful again. That"s when I saw his newest T-shirt. NOW CAN WE COMPLICATE THINGS?
I did a head thunk into my hands. "Sc.r.a.ping the bottom of the barrel for slogans?"
"Come here." He wasn"t asking.
I wanted to comply. I wanted to run. The look on his face, soft and hard at the same time, seemed to incapacitate me, so I didn"t move a muscle.
He was mere inches from me now and I couldn"t break away from his gaze. The shadows of the eagles danced over us.
"It isn"t fair." His voice was a groan, deep and gravelly.
He reached behind me and wrapped the end of my ponytail around his finger until it swirled back over my shoulder.
"What isn"t fair?" It sounded more like a squeak.
"It doesn"t matter whether it"s in life or the afterlife, it seems that Oliver is always getting the things that I want the most."
He leaned down and whispered, his lips almost touching my ear. "Has he been kissing you?"
My heart, moving at full throttle, stopped short like he"d yanked the emergency brake. He only wanted me because he was jealous of his brother. I was tired of being his last resort, something he dallied with when no one else was available to help him. I c.o.c.ked back my arm, ready to lambast him with a right hook, when we disappeared.
What a stupid time for a Delve.
23.
near
misses
I felt sick, so this had to be my Delve. I could feel bile rising in my throat, but I couldn"t see anything. Was it dark or were my eyes closed?
"This wasn"t my idea, Elliot," Trevor said with a mix of humor and concern.
"It isn"t my fault either." I gasped. "I wasn"t thinking straight."
My sweaty palms hid my face, creating the darkness. I felt the wind whipping my hair around. Was I on the rock ledge? No, I was on a seat. That"s when it occurred to me that I was sitting in Sally. We were riding in Trevor"s truck. No wonder I was a mess.
"You weren"t thinking straight? Hmmmm, that"s interesting to know," Trevor said with glee.
Why was he so happy?
"I just meant that I was a bit distracted when I decided it would be a good idea," I said in my best huffy breath. "I was feeling safe there for a moment. You should have known better and talked me out of it."
Trevor"s voice was soft and deliberate. "So you feel safe when I"m kissing you? I must be a pretty good kisser toa""
My eyes flew open, and if looks were able to turn a person to dust, Trevor would have been a sandbox.
"You"re an arrogant a.s.s!"
"And you"re so pretty when your face is all lit up and alive."
He was so charming when he wanted to be. No wonder I"d kissed him.
"You"ve been baiting me. Distracting me from riding in Sally," I said with a mix of accusation and relief.
Trevor smirked. "It must"ve worked. You stopped being scared when you had something else to think about."
I ignored him and glanced around. Sure enough we were driving along a winding mountain road. It was mostly tree-lined, but at odd moments the sun poked through, illuminating a scenic view of the Hudson on the other side of a low stone wall.
"Wanna drive?"
"Don"t push it, Lowry. I"m never getting behind the wheel of a car again, but maybea""
I could feel myself peeking over at him. He was like a seat belt for my soul.
I continued, "Maybe I"ll be okay if I"m with you."
"Speaking of being safe with me." Trevor"s tone lost its playfulness. "Are you ready to talk about going back to school?"
So much for feeling relaxed. I now had rigor mortis.
"They hate me." My stomach knotted up just thinking of reaching out beyond the safe haven of Trevor.
"They don"t know you," Trevor said.
"They don"t need to know me. They know what I did. Everyone adored Oliver."
"I know what you did anda""
"And what?" I prodded.
He blushed and stammered over his words, "I know you and I love you."
I could barely breathe.
I hadn"t dared to hope, or had I?
Oh, the hummingbirds were back, but they"d migrated to my heart.
"I love you too." I could feel my cheeks pulling up at the corners.
He glanced back at me, making me feel special. Things are so much easier when you"re only living in a world of two.
I unbuckled, slid over to the middle seat, buckled back up, and leaned into Trevor"s side. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
"I promise to be there for you. I"ll catch you if you fall."
The Delve began to shift . . .
a a a I was now in Trevor"s Delve. I was standing outside Sally"s open door and could see Elliot sitting in the truck. She was clutching a messenger bag to her chest, her knuckles white against the brown leather. The high school, freshly painted to start the year off right, should have seemed innocent, but the HOME OF THE SCREAMING EAGLES sign gave it a predatory feel. He"d parked Sally in the farthest corner of the school lot, where the ground was littered with cigarette b.u.t.ts and weeds that managed to grow despite the absence of dirt. They"d found a way to thrive even when the odds weren"t in their favor.
I watched Elliot through Trevor"s eyes. She was pale, fragile, frightened.
"You promised to come to school with me." Trevor held out his hand.
"I thought I could do it. I really did." Elliot"s hands shook.
I wanted to turn away from the desperation on her face, but Trevor was strong enough to look, so I had to be too.
His tone dropped lower. "I"ll make everyone understand. It"s going to be all right."
"You can"t promise that. n.o.body can promise that. Things happen."
I shouldn"t have been able to feel Elliot shiver.
"I"ll make them understand." He stood tall, with his arms crossed like Superman.
I couldn"t tell whether she believed him or not, but something changed. I wondered, was it determination or resignation?
a a a The Delve was switching again, and I was moving back into my memories. I had mixed emotions about this. I wouldn"t have to see myself anymore, but now I could feel everything. And I was battered.
Trevor was holding my hand, but even though there wasn"t anyone else in the parking lot, I self-consciously pulled away from his touch.
He reached for my fingers again, but I shook him off.
"I don"t care what anyone else thinks. No one"s even here yet." He had a little frown on his face.
"Maybe so, but let"s do it this way anyway, okay?"
"Sure. Whatever makes this easier for you."
We walked across the empty parking lot. Behind the school, I could see the mountains that I"d used as a refuge over the last couple of months. I could feel their pull. I craved the safety of the trees, the freedom of standing in the sweet s.p.a.ce between heaven and earth, the wind whipping away my sins. I stared at the upper peak and saw low dark clouds rolling in. It was going to storm.
Trevor and I walked on and I sucked in my breath as I crossed the threshold of the school. It took a moment to adjust to the dim light in the main hallway. Trevor was silent, most likely letting me get my bearings. When I was ready, we moved side by side down the hall, feet echoing in the quiet.
He checked the slip of paper in his hand. "Let"s stop at my locker first, it"s right down here." He pointed to the left. "Then we can walk down to your locker, put your things away, and I can take you to your homeroom."
My head nodded in agreement, but it might have done the same thing if Trevor had suggested that we dress like chickens and run through the school clucking at the top of our lungs.
By the time we reached Trevor"s locker there was a small trickling of early birds infiltrating the school. Even though they were way down the hall, I noticed he deliberately used his body to shield me, giving me extra moments unseen.
He closed his locker door, jiggling the lock to make sure that everything was shut tight. "All right, I"m set here. Should we head over to your locker now?"
I shrugged.
Trevor deliberately took a cheerful tone and ignored my ambivalence. "Let"s get you set up."
He grabbed my fingers, his large hand swallowing mine. This time he didn"t give me the option to let go. Instead he guided me through the maze of hallways to my locker.
By now the school was becoming busy, and even though we were connected, I floated behind Trevor like I was riding in his jet stream. If he stopped moving I was sure I would drop like a rock. When we reached our destination, I leaned my forehead against the cool, smooth metal. Voices ricocheted around me and I felt as if I were trapped in the middle of a pinball machine.
"Hey, Trev, good to see ya. How was your summer?"
"Trev!"