The history teacher is not here today, that means we are free!
Everybody used the time to do what they like to do; a bunch of people came together to chit-chat; some people went to ‘visit’ the toilets; some people stood outside cla.s.srooms to peek on the girls; some people went on a wild goose chase in the cla.s.sroom……
I took the chance to write my diary, I didn’t dare to write it at home, afraid that someone might look at it without my permission.
As I was writing, I felt a few pairs of eyes staring at me.
I turned my eyes, only to see a few male cla.s.smates talking to each other and pointing fingers at me.
I glared at them, causing them to stop talking immediately.
Not long later, I heard them, saying softly, then laughed loudly: “Very flat, it is really very flat!”
What is “very flat?”
One of them called JiaHua called my name loudly: “Pisang!”
“What?”
Have you went to Perlis before?”
(Perlis is a region in Malaysia)
“No, why?” I felt baffled.
“You must not go there!” he made an exaggerated expression.
“Why can’t I go?”
“Because Perlis has no airport, ha-ha……”
What does he mean? I don’t understand.
“Your mom doesn’t need to buy a washing board to wash clothes anymore because you are a washing board yourself! Wahahaha……” a student called GuoXiang yelled.
“You are named so well! Ping Shuang, Ping Shuang, Ping Xiong ah!”
(Ping Xiong is the p.r.o.nunciation for 平胸 – flat chest)
The whole cla.s.s momentarily burst into laughter.
I finally understand, they were laughing about my flat chest.
I never thought of this problem before, and never took notice the growth of it, and even more, never thought that people would use my flat chest as a laughing stock, and shame me in front me of so many people!
I felt very awkward and lowered my head like an injured turtle, shrinking my head into my sh.e.l.l.
Then, someone shook the back of my chair, it was the person sitting behind me called JianBing, it was his way of calling me to turn around.
“What is it?” I turned around.
“I have something that I am very curious about, and want to consult you.” He said softly.
“Then ask!”
“Why are your b.r.e.a.s.t.s so small?” He pretended to ask me with a serious tone.
“You!” I always see him as the best cla.s.smate, but he went on to add salt to an injury in this kind of situation!
“I am serious, I want to know why are you different from other female cla.s.smates?” His face remained serious looking.
“Eat s.h.i.t!” I used insults to cover the embarra.s.sment in my heart.
Since when, have they started to notice my breast size? They are so perverted!
Do all flat chested girls, have to be laughed at?
After school, I rode on my bicycle.
Today’s trip seem so be longer than usual, never reaching the end point.
After arriving. There is no heartwarming place for me.
“Want some salted fish fried Kway Teow?” Old Aunt asked again.
I shake my head, not wanting to speak today.
“You want?” She probably didn’t see me shake my head.
“No.” I said with much struggle, then realized that my voice had a sobbing tone.
Old Aunt didn’t notice. The sobbing tone was drowned out from the clanking of the wok and cooking spatula.
“The Queen has arrived!” WenQiang said loudly again.
Normally I would just ignore this sentence, but for some unknown reason, today’s insult felt abnormally harsh, I want to fight back, but ended up holding back my anger.
“Yo! You came back! There’s prawn today!” Grandmother said with pa.s.sion.
“Can I bath before eating?” I didn’t have any appet.i.te.
“Don’t lah! Don’t bath with a sweaty body, you will get sick!” Grandmother stopped me.
“It’s okay, just this once!” I grabbed the towel and ran straight to the bathroom, because there was a drop of tear that fell out, I didn’t want others to see it, especially in front of WenQiang.
I took off my school shirt, scooped water and poured it over my body quickly. In the loud sound of the water hitting the floor, I let out and cried loudly, washing away all the embarra.s.sment away with the water, into the sea.
After bathing, I felt better, but still didn’t have the appet.i.te to eat.
I lay on the bed, the room looks empty, the air lingered with loneliness.
I stared at the ceiling, thinking back what JiaHua they all said. After thinking for a while, I fell into sleep.
I heard grandmother said hazily to Aunt: “I told her to not bath with a sweaty body, but she just won’t listen. Now she’s sick, she won’t even eat!”
Grandmother was obviously trying to lower her voice, but her voice was still very loud.
“Yiya”, my room’s door was opened, a ray of light ran in.
Soft footstep noise could be heard from afar coming to my bedside, I closed my eyes and pretend to continue sleeping.
Someone used their hands and touched my forehead, I recognized the smell, it’s Aunt.
I opened my eyes.
“Ah! I woke you up.” Aunt said with guilt.
I sat up, Aunt sat down at the side of the bed.
“What is it? Is your body feeling uncomfortable?” Aunt asked with care.
I shook my head. The thing that is uncomfortable is my heart.
“You look spiritless, is everything okay?”
Her words caused a wave of warmth to flow in my heart, its probably affection! I deeply felt her true intentions, she’s not as what mother said: treating me well only because of money.
I want to tell her what happened in school today so badly, but had trouble saying it out.
“I feel that you are very unhappy.” Aunt’s sentence gave me a huge encouragement.
“Aunt, why are some people’s breast large, and some other people’s small?” I mustered the courage to ask.
“This…… There are many reasons, should be because they are born like this!” took a moment to think, showing that she is not very sure.
“Why is mine…… smaller than the other?” I finally said it.
“Probably because you haven’t had menstruation before, and p.u.b.erty had come!”
I know what is menstruation is, the female cla.s.smates around me all had it, but mine has never come.
“Is it really like this?”
“Should be! But you are still young, after marrying and giving birth to children it might become big.”
“There’s this kind of thing?”
“I am the best example. Before when I was your age, it is also very small, but after giving birth to children it became big. I also have no idea why is is like this.”
After hearing what Aunt says, I then realize that her breast is actually so “great”.
“Is big or small, so important?” I don’t understand.
“It doesn"t matter, too big actually isn’t good, not being able to wear tight shirts, exercising becomes very inconvenient.”
“Then why those with small ones will get laughed at?” the more I say the softer I get.
“What do you mean? Did someone laugh at you? Who?” Aunt asked nervously.
“The boys in the cla.s.s……”I lowered my head.
“What did they say?”
“They say that I am a……Airport, Washing board……”My tears fell down again, I sobbed silently.