It was also a d.a.m.ned nasty come-down from all the interesting interesting stuff about s.e.x. Not fair, she thought. Not fair. stuff about s.e.x. Not fair, she thought. Not fair.
Just when her friends were getting home.
And one of them was a boy, and azi, and she was his Super, which meant she had to be responsible.
Dammit.
Maman had had Ollie. She thought about Ollie a lot, when she thought about boys. Ollie was administrator of RESEUNEs.p.a.cE, doing maman"s job. But Ollie never wrote. And she figured he would if he wanted to. Or maman had never gotten the letters. Or never wanted them.
That hurt too much to think about. She knew what she thought: maman had never gotten them. Giraud had stopped them. And Giraud would stop any letters from getting to Ollie.
So she tried not to think about that part. Just Ollie, how nice he had been, how he had always been so patient and understood maman; and how maman could be down, and Ollie would come up and put his hand on her shoulder, and maman felt better, that was all.
There was Sam. Sam was going to be big and strong as Ollie. But Sam was one of those people Ari senior was talking about that liked you without you liking them that way.
She felt good about having figured that out before she ever heard it from Ari senior, like it proved her predecessor was giving her good advice.
She felt about the same about Tommy: Tommy was all right to work with, but he was stubborn, he was all right being Amy"s cousin, and number two behind Amy; and that meant doing anything with Tommy was going to mess up things with Amy. That part of the first Ari"s advice made that make sense, too: complications.
There were older boys-Mika Carnath-Edwards, Will Morley, Stef Dietrich, who were worth thinking about. But Mika was a lot older, that was no good; Will was just dull; and Stef was Yvgenia Wojkowski"s, who was his age.
She sighed, and kept circling back to the same thought, and watching Florian when Florian wasn"t watching her.
Florian was smarter and more fun than any of them. Even Sam.
Florian was so d.a.m.ned nice-looking, not baby-faced like Tommy: not clumsy like Sam. She found herself just watching him move, just staring at the way his jaw was, or his arms or- Whatever.
He had a figure the others didn"t, that was what, because he worked so hard. He could move the way they couldn"t, because he had muscle Tommy didn"t and he was Umber like Sam wasn"t. And he had long lashes and dark eyes and a nice mouth and a jawline with nothing of baby about it.
He was also Catlin"s partner. He was part of two, and they had been together forever, and they depended on each other in ways that had to do with things that could get you killed, if that partnership got messed up.
That was more serious than any hurt feelings. And they trusted her and depended on her in ways n.o.body else ever would, as long as she lived.
So she played Ari senior"s advice over and over when she was alone in her room, silent, because of the Security monitoring, and told herself there had to be somebody safe, somewhere, somebody she couldn"t hurt or who wouldn"t mess things up.
s.e.x wasn"t fun, she decided, it was a d.a.m.ned complicated mess, it gave you cramps and it tangled things up and made grown-ups not trust each other. And if you really fouled up you got pregnant or you got your best friends mad at each other.
No fair at all.
vii Spring happened. The eleventh. And the filly was getting restless in her tank, a knot of legs and body, for a long time now too big for the lens to see all of. Florian loved her, loved her the moment she began to look like a horse and sera had brought him to the lab and let him look into the tank. And when it came to birthing her, which sera said felt like she she had been pregnant all these months, she had to work so hard for her, and do all that paperwork-Florian knew who was the best person down in AG to help out with that, and who was strong enough to handle the filly and keep her from hurting herself, and who knew what to do. had been pregnant all these months, she had to work so hard for her, and do all that paperwork-Florian knew who was the best person down in AG to help out with that, and who was strong enough to handle the filly and keep her from hurting herself, and who knew what to do.
He told sera, and sera told the staff in the AG lab, taking his advice right off. So up came Andy, a very pleased Andy, who shyly shook sera"s hand and said in his quiet way, thank you, sera; because Andy loved Horse and all Horse"s kind, and sera loved them in spite of the fact Horse had broken sera"s arm . . . which was probably the worst moment of Andy"s whole life.
So it was a very, very happy Andy who came up to the AG lab, and knew it was true what Florian had come down to the barns to tell him, that sera wasn"t put out with Horse, sera loved him too, and sera wanted more of his kind, sera was working to birth another female, and was going to ride her, and show everybody what Horse and his kind could do.
"Sera," Andy said, bowing low.
"Florian says you"re the best there is," sera said, and Andy knew then, Florian was sure, that his m"sera was the finest, the best, the wisest m"sera in all Reseune. And maybe farther.
"I don"t know," Andy said, "sera. But I"ll sure take care of her the best I can."
So the labor started in the evening, and they just watched, watched while the foal slid down the chute into the bed of fiber; and watched while the AG techs got the cord; and Andy took sponges and towels and dried the filly all over and got her up on her wobbly legs.
Sera got to touch her then, for the first time. Sera patted her and helped dry her, and Florian helped, until Andy said that was enough and picked the filly up-Andy was very strong, and he said there was no way any truck was going to take the filly down to the barn, he could carry her.
"I want to see her," sera said.
"We can walk down," Florian said, and looked at Catlin, who stood by all this, taking it in-he knew how Catlin thought-but a great deal bewildered by all the fuss, by babies, and by sera"s worry over the filly- It was healthy, it was all right: he could read Catlin"s mind that well; so why was sera worried? Babies happened. They were supposed to be studying. They had an Exercise coming up.
"I"ll go," he said to Catlin. "Sera and I will be back in about an hour."
"All right," Catlin said. Because Catlin had a lot of study to do. Because if he did that, Catlin was the one who was going to save them, he knew he was going to foul up, unless Catlin could brief him fast and accurately.
But for sera, for the filly, too, who was not at fault-no animal could choose its time to be born-he had not the least hesitation: training was training, and sera was-everything.
So Andy carried the filly down the hill to the horse barn, and Florian walked with sera, happy the way she was, because because she was, and because now there were three horses in the world, instead of two. she was, and because now there were three horses in the world, instead of two.
Andy set the little filly down in a warm stall, and got the formula they had ready and warm, and let sera give it to the baby, which stood on shaky legs and b.u.t.ted with her nose as if that could get more milk faster. Sera laughed and backed up, and the filly wobbled after. "Stand still, sera," Andy called out. "Just hold it."
Sera laughed, and held on.
Down the way, in her stall, the Mare called out, leaning over the rail.
"I think she smells the baby," sera said. "That could be trouble. Or she might take up with her. I don"t know."
"I don"t either," Andy said.
"There being just three," sera said, "everything"s like that, isn"t it? The books don"t say about a horse who never saw but one other horse in the world."
"And she"s pregnant," Andy said in his quiet way, shy around a CIT, "and she"s got milk already. And animals are like CITs, sera, they have their own ways, it"s not all one psychset, and there isn"t any tape for them." them."
Sera looked at him, not mad, just like she was a little surprised at all that out of Andy. But it was true, Florian knew it. One pig was trouble and its birthsisters weren"t. It just depended on a lot of things, and when babies happened the way they did with pigs, with a boar and a sow, you were dealing with scrambled genesets and didn"t know what you had-like CITs, too.
At least, with the filly, it was likely to be a lot like its genesister the Mare, which meant she was going to be easy to handle.
Bang! on the rails from down the row. The Mare called out, loud. And the azi who were standing in the barn to watch the new baby went running to get the Mare.
"This is all complicated," sera said, worried.
"Animals are like that," Andy said. "She"s all right. It would be good if she would accept the baby. Animals know a lot. Some things they seem to be born knowing."
"Instinct," sera said. "You "You should cut a tape. I bet you know more than some of the d.a.m.n books." should cut a tape. I bet you know more than some of the d.a.m.n books."
Andy grinned and laughed, embarra.s.sed. "I"m a Gamma, sera, not like Florian. I"m just a Gamma." As one of the other AG-techs came running down to say the Mare was fine, they were going to move her to the little barn and get her out of here.
"No, do that, but pa.s.s her by here," Andy said. "But hold on to her. Let"s see what she does. Sera, if she makes trouble, you better be ready to climb up over those rails to the side there and get into the other stall. Florian and I can hold the baby, and the boys can hold the Mare, but we sure don"t want you to break another arm."
"I can help hold her."
"Please, sera. We don"t know what will happen. Just be ready to move."
"He"s the best," Florian said. "Andy"s always out here; the Supers are always in the offices. Andy"s birthed most everything there is. You should do what he says, sera."
"I"ll move," sera said, which was something, from sera. But she liked liked Andy, and she realized right off that Andy had good sense, that was the way sera was. So she stood there watching anxiously as the techs led the Mare past, two of them, each with a lead on her. Andy, and she realized right off that Andy had good sense, that was the way sera was. So she stood there watching anxiously as the techs led the Mare past, two of them, each with a lead on her.
The Mare pulled and they let her stop and put her head over the stall door. She snuffed the air and made a strange, interested sound.
The baby p.r.i.c.ked up her ears, and stood there with her nose working hard too.
"Put the Mare in the next stall," Andy told the techs holding the Mare. "Let"s just watch this awhile."
That was the way Andy worked. Sometimes he didn"t know. Sometimes no one knew because no one in the world had ever tried it. But Andy didn"t let his animals get hurt and he had a way of figuring what they were going to do even if Andy had never read a book in his life.
"She"s talking talking to her," sera said, "that"s what she"s doing." to her," sera said, "that"s what she"s doing."
"They sure teach something," Andy said. "Animals sort of do tape on each other."
"They"re a herd animal," sera said. "It"s got to be everything everything to do with how they act. They want to be together, I think." to do with how they act. They want to be together, I think."
"Well, the little girl will fix on people," Andy said. "They"re that way, when they"re born from the tank. But the Mare could help this little horse. She"s getting milk, already. And milk from a healthy animal is a lot healthier than formula. I"m just worried about how she"ll act when hers comes."
"Politics," sera said. "It"s always politics, isn"t it?" Sera was amused, and watched as the Mare put her head over the rail of the next stall. "Look at her. Oh, she wants over here."
"Somebody"s going to sit all night with the Mare, too," Andy said. "When we"ve got something we don"t know about, we just hold on to the ropes and stay ready. But there"s a chance the Mare will want this baby. And if she does, she"s the best help we could get."
They were very very late getting back up the hill. Florian wouldn"t trade the time with sera and the filly for his own sake, but he was terribly sorry when he got back to the room, in a dark and quiet apartment, and said to Catlin: "It"s me," when he opened the door. late getting back up the hill. Florian wouldn"t trade the time with sera and the filly for his own sake, but he was terribly sorry when he got back to the room, in a dark and quiet apartment, and said to Catlin: "It"s me," when he opened the door.
"Urn," Catlin said, from her bunk, and started dragging herself up on an arm. "Trouble?"
"Everything"s fine. The baby"s doing real well. Sera"s happier than I"ve ever seen."
"Good," Catlin said, relieved. So he knew Catlin had been worrying all this time.
"I"m sorry, Catlin."
" "S all right. Shower. I"ll tell you the stuff."
He shut the door, asked the Minder for the bathroom light and started stripping on his way to the bath while Catlin got herself focused. He hardly ran water over himself and pulled on clean underwear and came out again, cut the light and sat there on his bed while Catlin, from hers, a calm, coherent voice out of the dark, told him how they were going to have one b.i.t.c.h of a problem tomorrow, they had to break past a Minder and get a Hostage out alive.
They said there were going to be three Enemies, but you never knew.
You never knew what the Minder controlled, or if there wasn"t some real simple, basic wire-job on the door, which was the kind of trap you could fall into if you got to concentrating too much on the tech stuff.
They had to head down the hill at 0400. It was drink the briefing down, fix what could happen, and sleep for whatever time they could without getting there out of breath, because you never knew, sometimes they threw you something they hadn"t told you about at all, and you had to cope with an Enemy attack before you even got to the Exercise.
Catlin never wasted time with what and where. She had showed him a lot in the years they had worked together, about how to focus down and think narrow and fast, and he did it now with everything he had, learning the lay of the place from maps he scanned by penlight, not wanting to shine light in Catlin"s eyes, learning exactly how many steps down what hall, what the distance was and what the angles and line of sight were at any given point.
You hoped Intelligence was right, that was all.
It was eighty points on the Hostage, that was all they were saying. That meant in a hundred-point scale at least one of them was expendable. They could do it that way if they had to, which meant him, if it had to be: Catlin was the one who had the set-up best in her head and she was the one who would most likely be able to get through the final door, if he could get it open. But you didn"t go into anything planning what you could give away. You meant to make the Enemy do the giving.
He did the best he could, that was all.
viii It was Catlin on the phone. Catlin Catlin made a phone call; and Ari flew out of Dr. Edwards" cla.s.sroom and down the hall to the office as fast as she could run. made a phone call; and Ari flew out of Dr. Edwards" cla.s.sroom and down the hall to the office as fast as she could run.
"Sera," Catlin said, "we"re going to be late. Florian"s in hospital."
"What happened?" Ari cried.
"The wall sort of fell," she said. "The hospital said I should call, sera, he"s real upset."
"Oh, G.o.d," she cried. "Catlin, dammit, how bad?"
"Not too. Don"t be mad, sera."
"Catlin, dammit, report! What happened?"
"The Enemy was holding a Hostage, we had to get in past a Minder, and we did that; we got all the way in, but the Hostage started a diversion while they were trying to Trap the door. The Instructor is still trying to find out what happened, but their charge went off. The whole wall went down. It wouldn"t really do that, it would blow out, but this was a set-up, not a real building, and it must have touched off more than one charge."
"Don"t they know?" know?"
"Well, they"re dead. Really."
"I"m coming. I"m coming to the hospital right now. Meet me at the front door." She turned around and Dr. Edwards was there. So she told him. Fast. And told him call uncle Denys. And ran.
"He thinks it"s his fault," Catlin said, when she got there, at the front door, panting and sick at her stomach.
"He didn"t tell me you had an Exercise today," Ari said. That was what she had thought all the terrible way down the hill. "He didn"t tell me!"
"He was fine," Catlin said. "He didn"t make a mistake. They shouldn"t have been where they were, that"s first." She pointed down the hall, where a man in black was talking to the doctors. "That"s the Instructor. He"s been asking questions. The Hostage-he"s a Thirteen, he"s the only one alive. It"s a mess. It"s a real mess. They"re asking whether somebody got their charges mixed up, where the explosives kit was sitting, they think it was up against the wall right where they were working, and they hadn"t Trapped everything they could have, so that was two charges more than they were using on the door. The whole set-up came down. Florian kind of threw himself backward and covered up, or he could have been killed too. Lucky the whole door just came down on him before the blocks did."
Ari walked on past the desk with Catlin, down where the doctors were talking with the Instructor, and past, where Florian was, in the hall, on one of the gurneys. He looked awful, white and bruised and bleeding on his shoulder and on his arms and hands, but they had cleaned those up and sprayed them with gel.
"Why is he out here?" Ari snapped at the med who was standing there.
"Waiting on X-ray, sera. There"s a critical inside."
"I"m all right," Florian muttered, eyes half-opening. "I"m all right, sera."
"You-" Stupid, Stupid, she almost said. But a Super couldn"t say that to an azi who was tranked. She bit her lip till it hurt. She touched his hand. "Florian, it"s not your fault." she almost said. But a Super couldn"t say that to an azi who was tranked. She bit her lip till it hurt. She touched his hand. "Florian, it"s not your fault."
"Not yours, sera. I wanted to go. With the filly. I could have said."
"I mean it"s not your fault, not your fault, hear me? They say something blew up." She went over where the doctors and the Instructor were, right up to them. "It wasn"t Florian"s fault, was it?" Her voice shook. "Because if it was, it was mine, first." hear me? They say something blew up." She went over where the doctors and the Instructor were, right up to them. "It wasn"t Florian"s fault, was it?" Her voice shook. "Because if it was, it was mine, first."