VENABLES [purring]. Let me see. Yes, we are all much edified by his humour.
COMTESSE [surprised indeed]. His humour? That man!
MAGGIE [with hauteur]. Why not?
VENABLES. I a.s.sure you, Comtesse, some of the neat things in his speeches convulse the house. A word has even been coined for them--Shandisms.
COMTESSE [slowly recovering from a blow]. Humour!
VENABLES. In conversation, I admit, he strikes one as being--ah--somewhat lacking in humour.
COMTESSE [pouncing]. You are wondering who supplies his speeches with the humour.
MAGGIE. Supplies John?
VENABLES. Now that you mention it, some of his Shandisms do have a curiously feminine quality.
COMTESSE. You have thought it might be a woman.
VENABLES. Really, Comtesse--
COMTESSE. I see it all. Charles, you thought it might be the wife!
VENABLES [flinging up his hands]. I own up.
MAGGIE [bewildered]. Me?
VENABLES. Forgive me, I see I was wrong.
MAGGIE [alarmed]. Have I been doing John any harm?
VENABLES. On the contrary, I am relieved to know that there are no hairpins in his speeches. If he is at home, Mrs. Shand, may I see him? I am going to be rather charming to him.
MAGGIE [drawn in two directions]. Yes, he is--oh yes--but--
VENABLES. That is to say, Comtesse, if he proves himself the man I believe him to be.
[This arrests MAGGIE almost as she has reached the dining-room door.]
MAGGIE [hesitating]. He is very busy just now.
VENABLES [smiling]. I think he will see me.
MAGGIE. Is it something about his speech?
VENABLES [the smile hardening]. Well, yes, it is.
MAGGIE. Then I dare say I could tell you what you want to know without troubling him, as I"ve been typing it.
VENABLES [with a sigh]. I don"t acquire information in that way.
COMTESSE. I trust not.
MAGGIE. There"s no secret about it. He is to show it to the whips tonight.
VENABLES [sharply]. You are sure of that?
COMTESSE. It is quite true, Charles. I heard him say so; and indeed he repeated what he called the "peroration" before me.
MAGGIE. I know it by heart. [She plays a bold game.] "These are the demands of all intelligent British women, and I am proud to nail them to my flag"--
COMTESSE. The very words, Mrs. Shand.
MAGGIE [looking at her imploringly]. "And I don"t care how they may embarra.s.s the Government." [The COMTESSE is bereft of speech, so suddenly has she been introduced to the real MAGGIE SHAND]. "If the right honourable gentleman will give us his pledge to introduce a similar Bill this session I will willingly withdraw mine; but otherwise I solemnly warn him that I will press the matter now to a division."
[She turns her face from the great man; she has gone white.]
VENABLES [after a pause]. Capital.
[The blood returns to MAGGIE"s heart.]
COMTESSE [who is beginning to enjoy herself very much]. Then you are pleased to know that he means to, as you say, go to a division?
VENABLES. Delighted. The courage of it will be the making of him.
COMTESSE. I see.
VENABLES. Had he been to hedge we should have known that he was a pasteboard knight and have disregarded him.
COMTESSE. I see.
[She desires to catch the eye of MAGGIE, but it is carefully turned from her.]
VENABLES. Mrs. Shand, let us have him in at once.
COMTESSE. Yes, yes, indeed.
[MAGGIE"s anxiety returns, but she has to call JOHN in.]
JOHN [impressed]. Mr. Venables! This is an honour.
VENABLES. How are you, Shand?
JOHN. Sit down, sit down. [Becoming himself again.] I can guess what you have come about.
VENABLES. Ah, you Scotsmen.
JOHN. Of course I know I"m hara.s.sing the Government a good deal--