"Oh! that is one thing I wanted to ask you about. Jane tells me you are going to New Spain?"
She was anxious to know, but asked the question partly to turn the conversation which was fast becoming perilous. As a girl, she loved Brandon, and knew it only too well, but she knew also that she was a princess, standing next to the throne of the greatest kingdom on earth; in fact, at that time, the heir apparent--Henry having no children--for the people would not have the Scotch king"s imp--and the possibility of such a thing as a union with Brandon had never entered her head, however pa.s.sionate her feelings toward him. She also knew that speaking a thought vitalizes it and gives it force; so, although she could not deny herself the pleasure of being near him, of seeing him, and hearing the tones of his voice, and now and then feeling the thrill of an accidental touch, she had enough good sense to know that a mutual confession, that is, taking it for granted Brandon loved her, as she felt almost sure he did, must be avoided at all hazards. It was not to be thought of between people so far apart as they. The brink was a delightful place, full of all the sweet ecstasies and thrilling joys of a seventh heaven, but over the brink--well! there should be no "over," for who was she? And who was he? Those two dreadfully stubborn facts could not be forgotten, and the gulf between them could not be spanned; she knew that only too well. No one better.
Brandon answered her question: "I do not know about going; I think I shall. I have volunteered with a ship that sails in two or three weeks from Bristol, and I suppose I shall go."
"Oh, no! do you really mean it?" It gave her a pang to hear that he was actually going, and her love pulsed higher; but she also felt a sense of relief, somewhat as a conscientious house-breaker might feel upon finding the door securely locked against him. It would take away a temptation which she could not resist, and yet dared not yield to much longer.
"I think there is no doubt that I mean it," replied Brandon. "I should like to remain in England until I can save enough money out of the king"s allowance to pay the debt against my father"s estate, so that I may be able to go away and feel that my brother and sisters are secure in their home--my brother is not strong--but I know it is better for me to go now, and I hope to find the money out there. I could have paid it with what I lost to Judson before I discovered him cheating."
This was the first time he had ever alluded to the duel, and the thought of it, in Mary"s mind, added a faint touch of fear to her feeling toward him.
She looked up with a light in her eyes and asked: "What is the debt?
How much? Let me give you the money. I have so much more than I need.
Let me pay it. Please tell me how much it is and I will hand it to you. You can come to my rooms and get it or I will send it to you. Now tell me that I may. Quickly." And she was alive with enthusiastic interest.
"There now! you are kind again; as kind as even you can be. Be sure, I thank you, though I say it only once," and he looked into her eyes with a gaze she could not stand even for an instant. This was growing dangerous again, so, catching himself, he turned the conversation back into the bantering vein.
"Ah! you want to pay the debt that I may have no excuse to remain? Is that it? Perhaps you are not so kind after all."
"No! no! you know better. But let me pay the debt. How much is it and to whom is it owing? Tell me at once, I command you."
"No! no! Lady Mary, I cannot."
"Please do. I beg--if I cannot command. Now I know you will; you would not make me _beg_ twice for anything?" She drew closer to him as she spoke and put her hand coaxingly upon his arm. With an irresistible impulse he took the hand in his and lifted it to his lips in a lingering caress that could not be mistaken. It was all so quick and so full of fire and meaning that Mary took fright, and the princess, for the moment, came uppermost.
"Master Brandon!" she exclaimed sharply, and drew away her hand.
Brandon dropped the hand and moved over on the seat. He did not speak, but turned his face from her and looked out of the window toward the river. Thus they sat in silence, Brandon"s hand resting listlessly upon the cushion between them. Mary saw the eloquent movement away from her and his speaking att.i.tude, with averted face; then the princess went into eclipse, and the imperial woman was ascendant once more. She looked at him for a brief s.p.a.ce with softening eyes, and, lifting her hand, put it back in his, saying:
"There it is again--if you want it."
Want it? Ah! this was too much! The hand would not satisfy now; it must be all, all! And he caught her to his arms with a violence that frightened her.
"Please don"t, please! Not this time. Ah! have mercy, Charl--Well!
There!... There!... Mary mother, forgive me." Then her woman spirit fell before the whirlwind of his pa.s.sion, and she was on his breast with her white arms around his neck, paying the same tribute to the little blind G.o.d that he would have exacted from the lowliest maiden of the land. Just as though it were not the blood of fifty kings and queens that made so red and sweet, aye, sweet as nectar thrice distilled, those lips which now so freely paid their dues in coined bliss.
Brandon held the girl for a moment or two, then fell upon his knees and buried his face in her lap.
"Heaven help me!" he cried.
She pushed the hair back from his forehead with her hand and as she fondled the curls, leaned over him and softly whispered:
"Heaven help us both; for I love you!"
He sprang to his feet. "Don"t! don"t! I pray you," he said wildly, and almost ran from her.
Mary followed him nearly to the door of the room, but when he turned he saw that she had stopped, and was standing with her hands over her face, as if in tears.
He went back to her and said: "I tried to avoid this, and if you had helped me, it would never--" But he remembered how he had always despised Adam for throwing the blame upon Eve, no matter how much she may have deserved it, and continued: "No; I do not mean that. It is all my fault. I should have gone away long ago. I could not help it; I tried. Oh! I tried."
Mary"s eyes were bent upon the floor, and tears were falling over her flushed cheeks, unheeded and unchecked.
"There is no fault in any one; neither could I help it," she murmured.
"No, no; it is not that there is any fault in the ordinary sense; it is like suicide or any other great, self-inflicted injury with me. I am different from other men. I shall never recover."
"I know only too well that you are different from other men, and--and I, too, am different from other women--am I not?"
"Ah, different! There is no other woman in all this wide, long world,"
and they were in each other"s arms again. She turned her shoulder to him and rested with the support of his arms about her. Her eyes were cast down in silence, and she was evidently thinking as she toyed with the lace of his doublet. Brandon knew her varying expressions so well that he saw there was something wanting, so he asked:
"Is there something you wish to say?"
"Not I," she responded with emphasis on the p.r.o.noun.
"Then is it something you wish me to say?"
She nodded her head slowly: "Yes."
"What is it? Tell me and I will say it."
She shook her head slowly: "No."
"What is it? I cannot guess."
"Did you not like to hear me say that--that I--loved you?"
"Ah, yes; you know it. But--oh!--do you wish to hear me say it?"
The head nodded rapidly two or three times: "Yes." And the black curving lashes were lifted for a fleeting, luminous instant.
"It is surely not necessary; you have known it so long already, but I am only too glad to say it. I love you."
She nestled closer to him and hid her face on his breast.
"Now that I have said it, what is my reward?" he asked--and the fair face came up, red and rosy, with "rewards," any one of which was worth a king"s ransom.
"But this is worse than insanity," cried Brandon, as he almost pushed her from him. "We can never belong to each other; never."
"No," said Mary, with a despairing shake of the head, as the tears began to flow again; "no! never." And falling upon his knees, he caught both her hands in his, sprang to his feet and ran from the room.
Her words showed him the chasm anew. She saw the distance between them even better than he. Evidently it seemed farther looking down than looking up. There was nothing left now but flight.
He sought refuge in his own apartments and wildly walked the floor, exclaiming, "Fool! fool that I am to lay up this store of agony to last me all my days. Why did I ever come to this court? G.o.d pity me--pity me!" And he fell upon his knees at the bed, burying his face in his arms, his mighty man"s frame shaking as with a palsy.
That same night Brandon told me how he had committed suicide, as he put it, and of his intention to go to Bristol and there await the sailing of the ship, and perhaps find a partial resurrection in New Spain.
Unfortunately, he could not start for Bristol at once, as he had given some challenges for a tournament at Richmond, and could furnish no good excuse to withdraw them; but he would not leave his room, nor again see "that girl who was driving him mad."
It was better, he thought, and wisely too, that there be no leave-taking, but that he should go without meeting her.