1. Do it in terms and words easy to be understood: affect not high expressions, they will drown your children. Thus G.o.d spake to his children (Hosea 12:10), and Paul to his (1 Cor 3:2).
2. Take heed of filling their heads with whimsies, and unprofitable notions, for this will sooner learn them to be malapert and proud, than sober and humble. Open therefore to them the state of man by nature; discourse with them of sin, of death, and h.e.l.l; of a crucified Saviour, and the promise of life through faith: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Prov 22:6).
3. There must be much gentleness and patience in all thy instructions, "lest they be discouraged" (Col. 3:21). And,
4. Labour to convince them by a conversation answerable, that the things of which thou instructest them are not fables, but realities; yea, and realities so far above what can be here enjoyed, that all things, were they a thousand times better than they are, are not worthy to be compared with the glory and worthiness of these things.8
Isaac was so holy before his children, that when Jacob remembered G.o.d, he remembered that he was "the Fear of his father Isaac" (Gen 31:53). Ah! when children can think of their parents, and bless G.o.d for that instruction and good they have received from them, this is not only profitable for children, but honourable, and comfortable to parents: "The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him"
(Prov 23:24, 25). Second, The duty of correction.
1. See if fair words will win them from evil. This is G.o.d"s way with his children (Jer 25:4, 5).
2. Let those words you speak to them in your reproof, be both sober, few, and pertinent, adding always some suitable sentence of the scripture therewith; as, if they lie, then such as (Rev 21:8, 27). If they refuse to hear the word, such as (2 Chron 25:14-16).
3. Look to them, that they be not companions with those that are rude and unG.o.dly; showing with soberness a continual dislike of their naughtiness; often crying out to them, as G.o.d did of old unto his, "Oh, do not this abominable thing that I hate" (Jer 44:4).
4. Let all this be mixed with such love, pity, and compunction of spirit, that if possible they may be convinced you dislike not their persons, but their sins. This is G.o.d"s way (Psa 99:8).
5. Be often endeavouring to fasten on their consciences the day of their death, and judgment to come. Thus also G.o.d deals with his (Deu 32:29).
6. If thou art driven to the rod, then strike advisedly in cool blood, and soberly show them, (1.) their fault; (2.) how much it is against thy heart thus to deal with them; (3.) and that what thou dost, thou dost in conscience to G.o.d, and love to their souls; (4.) and tell them, that if fair means would have done, none of this severity should have been. This, I have proved it, will be a means to afflict their hearts as well as their bodies; and it being the way that G.o.d deals with his, it is the most likely to accomplish its end.
7. Follow all this with prayer to G.o.d for them, and leave the issue to him: "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him" (Prov 22:15).
Lastly, Observe these cautions,
1. Take heed that the misdeeds for which thou correctest thy children be not learned them by thee. Many children learn that wickedness of their parents for which they beat and chastise them.
2. Take heed thou smile not upon them, to encourage them in small faults, lest that thy carriage to them be an encouragement to them to commit greater.
3. Take heed thou use not unsavoury and unseemly words in thy chastising of them, as railing, miscalling, and the like: this is devilish.
4. Take heed thou do not use them to many chiding words and threatenings, mixed with lightness and laughter; this will harden.
Speak not much, nor often, but pertinent to them with all gravity. 9
DUTIES OF MASTERS TO SERVANTS. Masters also have a work to do as they stand related to their servants. And,
First, If possibly they can, to get them that fear G.o.d: "He that worketh deceit," saith David, "shall not dwell within my house; he that telleth lies, shall not tarry in my sight" (Psa 101:7).
Second, But if none at the present but unbelievers can be got to do thy labour, then,
1. Know that it is thy duty so to behave thyself to thy servant, that thy service may not only be for thy good, but for the good of thy servant, and that both in body and soul. Wherefore deal with him, as to admonition, as with thy children; given him the same bread of G.o.d thou givest to them; and who knows, but that if thou with spiritual delicates bringest up thy servant, but he may become thy spiritual son in the end (Prov 29:21).
2. Take heed thou do not turn thy servants into slaves, by overcharging them in thy work, through thy greediness. To make men serve with rigour, is more like to Israel"s enemies than Christian masters (Exo 1:14). 10
3. Take heed thou carry not thyself to thy servant as he of whom it is said, "He is such a man of Belial, that his servants could not speak to him." (1 Sam 25:14-17).
And the apostle bids you forbear to threaten them, because you also have a Master in heaven (Eph 6:9). As who should say, Your servants cannot be guilty of so many miscarriages against you, as you are guilty of against Christ. Wherefore do with, and to your servants, as you would have your master do with you.
4. Take heed that thou neither circ.u.mvent him at his coming in to thy service, nor at his going out. Servants, at their going into service, may be beguiled two ways.
(1.) By their masters lying unto them, saying, their work is so small and so easy, when it is indeed, if not too burdensome, yet far beyond what at first was said of it. This is beguiling of them.
(2.) The other way is, when masters greedily seek to wire-draw their servants to such wages as indeed is too little and inconsiderable for such work and labour. Both these the apostle opposeth, where he saith, "Masters give unto your servants that which is just,"
just labour, and just wages, "knowing that ye also have a master in heaven" (Col 4:1).
As servants may be circ.u.mvented at their coming into their labour, so also they may be at their going out: which is done by masters that either change their wages, like heathenish Laban, (Gen 31:7).
or by keeping it back, like those against whom G.o.d will be a swift witness (Mal 3:5).
5. Take heed that thou make not a gain of thy place, because thou art gracious, or livest conveniently for the means of grace. 11
Servants that are truly G.o.dly they care not how cheap they serve their masters, provided they may get into G.o.dly families, or where they may be convenient for the word. But now, if a master or mistress should take this opportunity to make a prey of their servants, this is abominable, this is making a gain of G.o.dliness, and merchandise of the things of G.o.d, and of the soul of thy brother (1 Tim 6:5).
I have heard some poor servants say, That in some carnal families they have had more liberty to G.o.d"s things, and more fairness of dealing, than among professors. But this stinketh. And as Jacob said concerning the cruelty of his two sons, so may I say of such masters, they make religion stink before the inhabitants of the land (Gen 34:30).
In a word, learn of the Lord Jesus to carry yourselves well to your servants, that your servants also may learn something of the kindness of Christ by your deportment to them. Servants are goers as well as comers; take heed that thou give them no occasion to scandal the gospel when they are gone, for what they observed thee unrighteously to do when they were with thee. Then masters carry it rightly toward their servants, when they labour both in word and life to convince them that the things of G.o.d are the one thing necessary. That which servants are commanded to do, touching their fear, their singleness of heart, their doing what they do as to the Lord, and not to men; the master is commanded to do the same things unto them. (Eph 6:6-9).
THE DUTY OF WIVES. But pa.s.sing the master of the family, I shall speak a word or two to those that are under him.
And, first, to the wife: The wife is bound by the law to her husband, so long as her husband liveth (Rom 7:2). Wherefore she also hath her work and place in the family, as well as the rest.
Now there are these things considerable in the carriage of a wife toward her husband, which she ought conscientiously to observe.
First, That she look upon him as her head and lord. "The head of the woman is the man" (1 Cor 11:3). And so Sarah called Abraham lord (1 Peter 3:6).
Second, She should therefore be subject to him, as is fit in the Lord. The apostle saith, "That the wife should submit herself to her husband, as to the Lord" 12 (1 Peter 3:1; Col 3:18; Eph 5:22).
I told you before, that if the husband doth walk towards his wife as becomes him, he will therein be such an ordinance of G.o.d to her, besides the relation of a husband, that shall preach to her the carriage of Christ to his church. And now I say also, that the wife, if she walk with her husband as becomes her, she shall preach the obedience of the church to her husband. "Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything" (Eph 5:24). Now for thy performing of this work, thou must first shun these evils.
1. The evil of a wandering and a gossiping spirit; this is evil in the church, and is evil also in a wife, who is the figure of a church. Christ loveth to have his spouse keep at home; that is, to be with him in the faith and practice of his things, not ranging and meddling with the things of Satan; no more should wives be given to wander and gossip abroad. You know that Proverbs 7:11 saith, "She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house." Wives should be about their own husbands" business at home; as the apostle saith, Let them "be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands." And why? Because otherwise "the word of G.o.d will be blasphemed" (t.i.tus 2:5).
2. Take heed of an idle, talking, or brangling tongue. This also is odious, either in maids or wives, to be like parrots, not bridling their tongue; whereas the wife should know, as I said before, that her husband is her lord, and is over her, as Christ is over the church. Do you think it is seemly for the church to parrot it against her husband? Is she not to be silent before him, and to look to his laws, rather than her own fictions? Why so, saith the apostle, ought the wife to carry it towards her husband? "Let the woman," saith Paul, "learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence" (1 Tim 2:11, 12). It is an unseemly thing to see a woman so much as once in all her lifetime to offer to overtop her husband; she ought in everything to be in subjection to him, and to do all she doth, as having her warrant, licence, and authority from him. And indeed here is her glory, even to be under him, as the church is under Christ: Now "she openeth her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness" (Prov 31:26).
3. Take heed of affecting immodest apparel, or a wanton gait; this will be evil both abroad and at home; abroad, it will not only give ill example, but also tend to tempt to l.u.s.t and lasciviousness; and at home it will give an offence to a G.o.dly husband, and be cankering to unG.o.dly children, &c. Wherefore, as saith the apostle, Let women"s apparel be modest, as becometh women professing G.o.dliness, with good works, "not with broidered hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array" (1 Tim 2:9, 10). And as it is said again, "Whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel: But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of G.o.d of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in G.o.d, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands" (1 Peter 3:3-5).
But yet, do not think that by the subjection I have here mentioned, that I do intend women should be their husbands" slaves. Women are their husbands" yokefellows, their flesh and their bones; and he is not a man that hateth his own flesh, or that is bitter against it (Eph 5:29). Wherefore, let every man "love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband" (Eph 5:33). The wife is master next her husband, and is to rule all in his absence; 13 yea, in his presence she is to guide the house, to bring up the children, provided she so do it, as the adversary have no occasion to speak reproachfully (1 Tim 5:10, 13). "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. A gracious woman retaineth honour:" and guideth her affairs with discretion (Prov 31:10; 11:16; 12:4).
Object.
But my husband is an unbeliever; what shall I do?
Answer.
If so, then what I have said before lieth upon thee with an engagement so much the stronger. For, 1. Thy husband being in this condition, he will be watchful to take thy slips and infirmities, to throw them as dirt in the face of G.o.d and thy Saviour. 2. He will be apt to make the worst of every one of thy words, carriages, and gestures.
3. And all this doth tend to the possessing his heart with more hardness, prejudice, and opposition to his own salvation; wherefore, as Peter saith, "ye wives, be in subjection to your husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they may also without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation, coupled with fear" (1 Peter 3:1, 2). Thy husband"s salvation or d.a.m.nation lieth much in thy deportment and behaviour before him; wherefore, if there be in thee any fear of G.o.d, or love to thy husband, seek, by a carriage full of meekness, modesty, and holiness, and a humble behaviour before him, to win him to the love of his own salvation; and by thus doing, how "knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband?" (1 Cor 7:16).
Object.
But my husband is not only an unbeliever, but one very froward, peevish, and testy, yea, so froward, &c., that I know not how to speak to him, or behave myself before him.