Zadig

Zadig.

by Voltaire.

THE

DEDICATION

TO THE

SULTANA _SHERAA_,

BY

_SADI_.

The 18th of the Month _Scheval_, in the Year of the _Hegira_, 837.

Thou Joy of ev"ry Eye! Thou Torment of every Heart! Thou Intellectual Light! I do not kiss the Dust of thy Feet; because thou seldom art seen out of the Seraglio, and when thou art, thou walkest only on the Carpets of _Iran_, or on Beds of Roses.

I here present you with a Translation of the Work of an ancient _Sage_, who having the Happiness of living free from all Avocations, thought proper, by Way of Amus.e.m.e.nt, to write the History of _Zadig_; a Performance, that comprehends in it more Instruction than, "tis possible, you may at first be aware of. I beg you would indulge me so far as to read it over, and then pa.s.s your impartial Judgment upon it: For notwithstanding you are in the Bloom of your Life; tho" ev"ry Pleasure courts you; tho" you are Nature"s Darling, and have internal Qualities in proportion to your Beauty; tho" the World resounds your Praises from Morning till Night, and consequently you must have a just t.i.tle to a superior Degree of Understanding than the rest of your s.e.x; Yet your Wit is no ways flashy; Your Taste is refin"d, and I have had the Honour to hear you talk more learnedly than the wisest _Dervise_, with his venerable Beard, and pointed Bonnet: You are discreet, and yet not mistrustful; you are easy, but not weak; you are beneficent with Discretion; you love your Friends, and create yourself no Enemies. Your most sprightly Flights borrow no Graces from Detraction; you never speak a misbecoming Word, nor do an ill-natur"d Action, tho" "tis always in your Power. In a Word, your Soul is as spotless as your Person. You have, moreover, a little Fund of Philosophy, which gives me just Grounds to hope that you"ll relish this Historical Performance better than any other Lady of your Quality would do.

It was originally compos"d in the _Chaldean_ Language, to which both you and my self are perfect Strangers. It was translated, however, into _Arabic_, for the Amus.e.m.e.nt of the celebrated Sultan OULOUG-BEG.

It first appear"d in Public, when the _Arabian_ and _Persian_ Tales of One Thousand and One Nights, and One Thousand and One Days, were most in Vogue: OULOUG chose rather to entertain himself with the Adventures of _Zadig_. The Sultanas indeed were more fond of the former. How can you, said the judicious OULOUG, be so partial, as to prefer a Set of Tales, that are no ways interesting or instructive, to a Work, that has a Variety of Beauties to recommend it? Oh!

replied the Sultanas, the less Sense there is in them, the more they are in Taste; and the less their Merit, the greater their Commendation.

I flatter my self, thou Patroness of Wisdom, that thou wilt not copy after those thoughtless Sultanas, but give into the Sentiments of OULOUG. I am in hopes likewise, when you are tir"d with the Conversation of such as make those senseless Romances abovemention"d their favourite Amus.e.m.e.nts, you will vouchsafe to listen for one Minute or two, to the Dictates of solid Sense. Had you been _Thalestris_ in the Days of _Scander_, the Son of _Philip_; had you been the Queen of _Sheba_, in the Reign of _Solomon_, those Kings would have been proud to have taken a Tour to visit you.

May the Celestial Virtues grant, that your Pleasures may meet with no Interruption; your Charms know no Decay; and may your Felicity be everlasting!

_SADI._

THE

Approbation.

I, Who have subscrib"d my Name hereto, ambitious of being thought a Man of Wit and Learning, have perus"d this Ma.n.u.sCRIPT, which I find, to my great Mortification, amusing, moral, philosophical, and fit to be read, even by those who have an utter Aversion to Romances; for which Reason, I have depretiated it, as it deserves, and have in direct Terms told the CADI-LESQUIER, that "tis a most detestable Performance.

CHAP. I.

_The Blind_ EYE.

In the Reign of King _Moabdar_, there was a young Man, a Native of _Babylon_, by name _Zadig_; who was not only endowed by Nature with an uncommon Genius, but born of ill.u.s.trious Parents, who bestowed on him an Education no ways inferior to his Birth. Tho" rich and young, he knew how to give a Check to his Pa.s.sions; he was no ways self-conceited; he didn"t always act up to the strictest Rules of Reason himself, and knew how to look on the Foibles of others, with an Eye of Indulgence. Every one was surpriz"d to find, that notwithstanding he had such a Fund of Wit, he never insulted; nay, never so much as rallied any of his Companions, for that t.i.ttle Tattle, which was so vague and empty, so noisy and confus"d; for those rash Reflections, those illiterate Conclusions, and those insipid Jokes; and, in short, for that Flow of unmeaning Words, which was call"d polite Conversation in _Babylon_. He had learned from the first Book of _Zoroaster_, that Self-love is like a Bladder full blown, which when once p.r.i.c.k"d, discharges a kind of petty Tempest. _Zadig_, in particular, never boasted of his Contempt of the Fair s.e.x, or of his Facility to make Conquests amongst them. He was of a generous Spirit; insomuch, that he was not afraid of obliging even an ungrateful Man; strictly adhering to that wise Maxim of _Zoroaster_. _When you are eating, throw an Offal to the Dogs that are under the Table, lest they should be tempted to bite you._ He was as wise as he could well be wish"d; since he was fond of no Company, but such as were distinguish"d for Men of Sense. As he was well-grounded, in all the Sciences of the antient _Chaldeans_, he was no Stranger to those Principles of Natural Philosophy, which were then known: And understood as much of Metaphysics as any one in all Ages after him; that is to say, he knew little or nothing of the Matter. He was firmly convinc"d, that the Year consisted of 365 Days and an half, tho" directly repugnant to the new Philosophy of the Age he liv"d in; and that the Sun was situated in the Center of the Earth; And when the Chief Magi told him, with an imperious Air, that he maintain"d erroneous Principles; and that it was an Indignity offered to the Government under which he liv"d, to imagine the Sun should roll round its own Axis, and that the Year consisted of twelve Months, he knew how to sit still and quiet, without shewing the least Tokens of Resentment or Contempt.

As _Zadig_ was immensely rich, and had consequently Friends without Number; and as he was a Gentleman of a robust Const.i.tution, and remarkably handsome; as he was endowed with a plentiful Share of ready and inoffensive Wit: And, in a Word, as his Heart was perfectly sincere and open, he imagin"d himself, in some Measure, qualified to be perfectly happy. For which Purpose he determin"d to marry a gay young Lady (one _Semira_ by name) whose Beauty, Birth and Fortune, render"d her the most desirable Person in all _Babylon_. He had a sincere Affection for her, grounded on Honour, and _Semira_ conceiv"d as tender a Pa.s.sion for him. They were just upon the critical Minute of a mutual Conjunction in the Bands of Matrimony, when, as they were walking Hand in Hand together towards one of the Gates of _Babylon_, under the Shade of a Row of Palm-trees, that grew on the Banks of the River _Euphrates_, they were beset by a Band of Ruffians, arm"d with Sabres, Bows and Arrows. They were the Guards, it seems, of young _Orcan_ (Nephew of a certain Minister of State) whom the Parasites, kept by his Uncle, had buoy"d up with a Permission to do, with Impunity, whatever he thought proper. This young Rival, tho" he had none of those internal Qualities to boast of that _Zadig_ had, yet he imagin"d himself a Man of more Power; and for that Reason, was perfectly outrageous to see the other preferr"d before him. This Fit of Jealousy, the Result of mere Vanity, prompted him to think that he was deeply in Love with the fair _Semira_; and fir"d with that amorous Notion, he was determin"d to take her away from _Zadig_, by Dint of Arms. The Ravishers rush"d rudely upon her, and in the Transport of their Rage, drew the Blood of a Beauty, the Sight of whose Charms would have soften"d the very Tigers of Mount _Imaus_. The injur"d Lady rent the very Heavens with her Exclamations. Where"s my dear Husband, she cried? They have torn me from the Arms of the only Man whom I adore. She never reflected on the Danger to which she was expos"d; her sole Concern was for her beloved _Zadig_. At the same Time, he defended her, like a Lover, and a Man of Integrity and Courage. With the a.s.sistance only of two domestic Servants, he put those Sons of Violence to Flight, and conducted _Semira_, b.l.o.o.d.y as she was, and in fainting Fits, to her own House. No sooner was she come to her self, but she fix"d her lovely Eyes on her Dear Deliverer. O _Zadig_, said she, I love thee as affectionately, as if I were actually thy Bride: I love thee, as the Man, to whom I owe my Life, and what is dearer to me, the Preservation of my Honour. No Heart sure could be more deeply smitten than that of _Semira_. Never did the Lips of the fairest Creature living utter softer Sounds; never did the most enamoured Lady breathe such tender Sentiments of Love and Grat.i.tude for his signal Service; never, in short, did the most affectionate Bride express such Transports of Joy for the fondest Husband. Her Wounds, however, were but very superficial, and she was soon recover"d. _Zadig_ receiv"d a Wound that was much more dangerous: An unlucky Arrow had graz"d one of his Eyes, and the Orifice was deep. _Semira_ was incessant in her Prayers to the G.o.ds that they might restore her _Zadig_. Her Eyes were Night and Day overwhelm"d with Tears. She waited with Impatience for the happy Moment, when those of _Zadig_ might dart their Fires upon her; but alas! the wounded Eye grew so inflam"d and swell"d, that she was terrified to the last Degree. She sent as far as _Memphis_ for _Hermes_, the celebrated Physician there, who instantly attended his new Patient with a numerous Retinue. Upon his first Visit, he peremptorily declared that _Zadig_ would lose his Eye; and foretold not only the Day, but the very Hour when that woful Disaster would befal him. Had it been, said that Great Man, his right Eye, I could have administred an infallible Specific; but as it is, his Misfortune is beyond the Art of Man to cure. Tho" all _Babylon_ pitied the hard Case of _Zadig_, they equally stood astonish"d at the profound Penetration of _Hermes_. Two Days after the Imposthume broke, without any Application, and _Zadig_ soon after was perfectly recover"d. _Hermes_ thereupon wrote a very long and elaborate Treatise, to prove that his Wound ought not to have been heal"d.

_Zadig_, however, never thought it worth his while to peruse his learned Lucubrations; but, as soon as ever he could get abroad, determin"d to pay the Lady a Visit, who had testified such uncommon Concern for his Welfare, and for whose Sake alone he wish"d for the Restoration of his Sight. _Semira_ he found had been out of Town for three Days; but was inform"d, by the bye, that his intended Spouse, having conceived an implacable Aversion to a one-ey"d Man, was that very Night to be married to _Orcan_. At this unexpected ill News, poor _Zadig_ was perfectly thunder-struck: He laid his Disappointment so far to Heart, that in a short Time he was become a mere Skeleton, and was sick almost to death for some Months afterwards. At last, however, by Dint of Reflection, he got the better of his Distemper; and the Acuteness of the Pain he underwent, in some Measure, contributed towards his Consolation.

Since I have met with such an unexpected Repulse, said he, from a capricious Court-Lady, I am determin"d to marry some substantial Citizen"s Daughter. He pitch"d accordingly upon _Azora_, a young Gentlewoman extremely well-bred, an excellent Oeconomist, and one, whose Parents were very rich.

Their Nuptials accordingly were soon after solemniz"d, and for a whole Month successively, no two Turtles were ever more fond of each other. In Process of Time, however, he perceiv"d she was a little Coquettish, and too much inclin"d to think, that the handsomest young Fellows were always the most virtuous and the greatest Wits.

CHAP. II.

_The_ NOSE.

One Day _Azora_, as she was just return"d home from taking a short Country airing, threw herself into a violent Pa.s.sion, and swell"d with Invectives. What, in G.o.d"s Name, my Dear, said _Zadig_, has thus ruffled your Temper? What can be the Meaning of all these warm Exclamations? Alas! said she, you would have been disgusted as much as I am, had you been an Eye-witness of that Scene of Female Falshood, as I was Yesterday. I went, you must know, to visit the disconsolate Widow _Cosrou_, who has been these two Days erecting a Monument to the Memory of her young deceased Husband, near the Brook that runs on one side of her Meadow. She made the most solemn Vow, in the Height of her Affliction, never to stir from that Tomb, as long as ever that Rivulet took its usual Course.--Well! and wherein, pray, said _Zadig_, is the good Woman so much to blame? Is it not an incontestable Mark of her superior Merit and Conjugal-Affection?

But, _Zadig_, said _Azora_, was you to know how her Thoughts were employ"d when I made my Visit, you"d never forget or forgive her.

Pray, my dearest _Azora_, what then was she about? Why, the Creature, said _Azora_, was studying, to be sure, to find out Ways and Means to turn the Current of the River.

_Azora_, in short, harangu"d so long, and, was so big with her Invectives against the young Widow, that her too affected, vain Shew of Virtue, gave _Zadig_ a secret Disgust.

_Zadig_ had an intimate Friend, one _Cador_ by Name, whose Spouse was perfectly honest, and had in reality a greater Regard for him, than all Mankind besides: This Friend _Zadig_ made his Confident, and bound him to keep a Project of his entirely a Secret, by a Promise of some valuable Token of his Respect. _Azora_ had been visiting a Female Companion for two Days together in the Country, and on the third was returning home: No sooner, however, was she in Sight of the House, but the Servants ran to meet her with Tears in their Eyes, and told her, that their Master dy"d suddenly the Night before; that they durstn"t carry her the doleful Tidings, but were going to bury _Zadig_ in the Sepulchre of his Ancestors, at the Bottom of the Garden. She burst into a Flood of Tears; tore her Hair; and vow"d to die by his Side. As soon as it was dark, young _Cador_ came, and begg"d the Favour of being introduc"d to the Widow. He was so, and they wept together very cordially. Next Day the Storm was somewhat abated, and they din"d together; _Cador_ inform"d her, that his Friend had left him the much greater Part of his Effects, and gave her to understand, that he should think himself the happiest Creature in the World, if she would condescend to be his Partner in that Demise. The Widow wept, sobb"d, and began to melt. More Time was spent in Supper than at Dinner. They discoursed together with a little more Freedom. _Azora_ was lavish of her Encomiums on _Zadig_; but then, "twas true, she said, he had some secret Infirmities to which _Cador_ was a Stranger. In the Midst of their Midnight Entertainment, _Cador_ all on a sudden complain"d that he was taken with a most violent pleuretic Fit, and was ready to swoon away. Our Lady being extremely concern"d, and over-officious, flew to her Closet of Cordials, and brought down every Thing she could think of that might be of Service on this emergent Occasion. She was extremely sorry that the famous _Hermes_ was gone from _Babylon_, and condescended to lay her warm Hand upon the Part affected, in which he felt such an agonizing Pain. Pray Sir, said she, in a soft, languishing Tone, are you subject to this tormenting Malady? Sometimes, Madam, said _Cador_, so strong, that they bring me almost to Death"s Door; and there is but one Thing can infallibly cure me; and that is, the Application of a dead Man"s Nose to the part affected. An odd Remedy truly, said _Azora_. Not stranger, Madam, said he, than the Great *_Arnon"s_ infallible Apoplectic Necklaces.

* There was at this Time in _Babylon_, a famous Doctor, nam"d _Arnon_, who both cur"d Apoplectic Fits, and prevented them from affecting his Patients, as was frequently advertiz"d in the Gazettes, by a little never-failing Purse that he hung round their Necks.

This a.s.surance of Success, together with _Cador"s_ personal Merit, determin"d _Azora_ in his Favour. After all, said she, when my Husband shall be about to cross the Bridge _Tchimavar_, from this World of Yesterday, to the other, of To-morrow, will the Angel _Asrael_, think you, make any Scruple about his Pa.s.sage, should his Nose prove something shorter in the next Life than "twas in this?

She would venture, however, and taking up a sharp Razor, repair"d to her Husband"s Tomb; water"d it first with her Tears, and then intended to perform the innocent Operation, as he lay extended breathless, as she thought, in his Coffin. _Zadig_ mounted in a Moment; secur"d his Nose with one Hand, and the Incision-Knife with the other. Madam, said he, never more exclaim against the Widow _Cosrou_. The Scheme for cutting my Nose off was much closer laid than hers of throwing the River into a new Channel.

CHAP. III.

_The_ DOG _and the_ HORSE.

_Zadig_ found, by Experience, that the first thirty Days of Matrimony (as "tis written in the Book of _Zend_) is Honey-Moon; but the second is all Wormwood. He was oblig"d, in short, as _Azora_ grew such a Termagant, to sue out a Bill of Divorce, and to seek his Consolation for the future, in the Study of Nature. Who is happier, said he, than the Philosopher, who peruses with Understanding that s.p.a.cious Book, which the supreme Being has laid open before his Eyes? The Truths he discovers there, are of infinite Service to him.

He thereby cultivates and improves his Mind. He lives in Peace and Tranquility all his Days; he is afraid of n.o.body, and he has no tender, indulgent Wife to shorten his Nose for him.

Wrapped up in these Contemplations, he retir"d to a little Country House on the Banks of the _Euphrates_; there he never spent his Time in calculating how many Inches of Water run thro" the Arch of a Bridge in a second of Time, or in enquiring if a Cube Line of Rain falls more in the _Mouse-Month_, than in that of the _Ram_. He form"d no Projects for making Silk Gloves and Stockings out of Spiders Webbs, nor of China-Ware out of broken Gla.s.s-Bottles; but he pry"d into the Nature and Properties of Animals and Plants, and soon, by his strict and repeated Enquiries, he was capable of discerning a Thousand Variations in visible Objects, that others, less curious, imagin"d were all alike.

One Day, as he was taking a solitary Walk by the Side of a Thicket, he espy"d one of the Queen"s Eunuchs, with several of his Attendants, coming towards him, hunting about, in deep Concern, both here and there, like Persons almost in Despair, and seeking, with Impatience, for something lost of the utmost Importance. Young Man, said the Queen"s chief Eunuch, have not you seen, pray, her Majesty"s Dog? _Zadig_ very cooly replied, you mean her b.i.t.c.h, I presume. You say very right Sir, said the Eunuch, "tis a Spaniel-b.i.t.c.h indeed.--And very small said _Zadig_: She has had Puppies too lately; she"s a little lame with her left Fore-foot, and has long Ears. By your exact Description, Sir, you must doubtless have seen her, said the Eunuch, almost out of Breath. But I have not Sir, notwithstanding, neither did I know, but by you, that the Queen ever had such a favourite b.i.t.c.h.

Just at this critical Juncture, so various are the Turns of Fortune"s Wheel! the best Palfrey in all the King"s Stable had broke loose from the Groom, and got upon the Plains of _Babylon_. The Head Huntsman with all his inferior Officers, were in Pursuit after him, with as much Concern, as the Eunuch about the b.i.t.c.h. The Head Huntsman address"d himself to _Zadig_, and ask"d him, whether he hadn"t seen the King"s Palfrey run by him. No Horse, said _Zadig_, ever gallop"d smoother; he is about five Foot high, his Hoofs are very small; his Tail is about three Foot six Inches long; the studs of his Bit are of pure Gold, about 23 Carats; and his Shoes are of Silver, about Eleven penny Weight a-piece. What Course did he take, pray, Sir? Whereabouts is he, said the Huntsman? I never sat Eyes on him, reply"d _Zadig_, not I, neither did I ever hear before now, that his Majesty had such a Palfrey.

The Head Huntsman, as well as the Head Eunuch, upon his answering their Interrogatories so very exactly, not doubting in the least, but that _Zadig_ had clandestinely convey"d both the b.i.t.c.h and the Horse away, secur"d him, and carried him before the grand Desterham, who condemn"d him to the _Knout_, and to be confin"d for Life in some remote and lonely Part of _Siberia_. No sooner had the Sentence been p.r.o.nounc"d, but the Horse and b.i.t.c.h were both found. The Judges were in some Perplexity in this odd Affair, and yet thought it absolutely necessary, as the Man was innocent, to recal their Decree. However, they laid a Fine upon him of Four Hundred Ounces of Gold, for his false Declaration of his not having seen, what doubtless he did: And the Fine was order"d to be deposited in Court accordingly: On the Payment whereof, he was permitted to bring his Cause on to a Hearing before the grand Desterham.

On the Day appointed for that Purpose he open"d the Cause himself, in Terms to this or the like Effect.