28 Jealousy Jealousy
With that, wewere friends, and I was allowed to visit the Palace. The chamberlain came up toget his attention again.
Although I tookthe Palace visit permit at face value, I’m glad that he wasn’t displeased at myrequest.
He eventuallyleft with the chamberlain and the door closed behind them.
As soon as thedoor shut, Mother collapsed back in her settee laughing.
‘Hahaha, likefather like daughter…’ she said. (Zuben: I was going to say the same thing)
My Motherlaughed herself silly, Father sighed as he turned to look at me.
‘You have tostudy a bit more now. You are in dangerous waters.’
That…? How amI like father?!
♢
When we gothome, I received a lot of words from Father, and was told I should reflect. Buton what should I reflect?
Now I’m lyingin bed thinking about it. But my thoughts inevitably turn to General Brennan. Ibecame a bit anxious.
GeneralBrennan wanted me to be his wife. He kissed my palm. It had made me embarra.s.sedenough to blush, but I felt happy and nyonnyo.
His hands wereso big, and he smelled like a forest. And his baritone that reverberatedthrough me and caused a heat in the pit of my stomach, his twinkling hazeleyes…
It’s too nice!General Brennan, I love you! I pushed my face into my pillow and kicked my legsin excitement. Such a wonderful person, why are you looking at me? What amiracle! Perhaps because of this, I have used up all my life’s good luck.(Zuben: You haven’t. it"s just the beginning!)
I would liketo be engaged as soon as possible, if possible, before the General could changehis mind. So that things will be fait accompli. It would be possible if theGeneral’s feelings change. Thinking of the engagement makes me feel impatient.
I feelinsecure.
Our ages arevastly different, I have no special skills, I am not a absurdly beautiful. Mypersonality is somewhat…ah~ this might be difficult. I don’t know the generalvery well, and he doesn’t know me well either. If I think about it deeply, our loveseems to be made up of very ambiguous and unstable things like beliefs andmisunderstandings.
Yet…"I want tosee you, General Brennan.’ I say to the empty room quietly.
We might meetand get to know each other better and think “This person is different from what Iimagined,” but I just saw you not too long ago and I want to see you already.Even if I say it out loud, I know it’s meaningless, but I can’t stop thinkingand talking.
I want to seeyou, but can’t meet.
I don’t knowhow we can meet. What excuse do lovers of the world use? I wonder if you wouldlike to see me too.
I sighed.
My darling,where are you?
My thoughts alike a bear in a cage; going round and round. That thought made me laugh tomyself.
There was aknock on the door, I called out and Marie came in,
‘Milady, it istea time. Cook made lemon pie!’
Tea wouldnice, but I didn’t feel like eating for some reason. But Marie dragged me toour drawing room. Did she want to eat the lemon pie that much? When we enteredthe room, I gasped in surprise. The drawing room was filled with bouquets of pink flowers.
‘What isthis?’ I asked Marie.
‘They are fromGeneral Brennan for you, lady.’ She said proudly.
It’s a lie.
Mother put hercheek in her hand and looked at the flowers with a soft grin, ‘In flowerlanguage, the arrangement means “You are attractive”’
‘Why is Motherso detailed?’
‘That is whatOliver told us.’
As expected, Ididn’t think Mother was the kind of person to be well versed in flowerlanguage. But why would a butler know about flower language?
‘The charm ofthe young lady is finally appreciated! You did it!’
I looked atthe flowers, General Brennan do you think me attractive?! The message could beunintentional. He may have just picked this arrangement because he liked it.Even so, I’m happy.
My face ispink.
I took a seatand Oliver gently set tea and a slice of pie before me with a gentle smile,
‘It’s a goodthing, Miss.’
‘Thank you.’ Isaid as I picked a piece of the pie. I had thought I didn’t want it, but therefreshing sweet-sourness filled me with joy.
♢
I chatted withMother and Marie for a little but after tea. A little while later I headed backto my room. On my way, I was stopped by Oliver. He handed me a while envelope,
‘This camewith the flowers. I thought you might prefer to read it by yourself.’
I quicklylooked at the sender and my cheeks got hot.
‘Thank you,Oliver.’ I said. Then I quickly returned to my room.
I wentstraight to my window seat and opened the seal.
It was fromGeneral Brennan of course. His feelings were written out in a dignifiedhandwriting. He said he wanted to meet me and hold me. He had been jealousseeing me getting along with Prince Stefan and he would like to get the weddingsorted as soon as possible. (Zuben: Before someone else comes and carries hiskitten off)
Oh mygoodness! The letter made me feel feverish and shy.
He wasjealous, it makes me happy.
I was alsojealous of the Prince who was close to General Brennan.
Lets also befriends!
Chapter 29 Volker: Men who are not good at standing?
I returned tomy office because of the emergency. Nicolo informed me that my adoptive fatherhad come to visit.
He has longsince retired from the army. He was elderly now, but still very strong andactive due to a long army carrier.
I communicatedwith Nicolo with our eyes, “Isn’t it just my father?”
“It’s stillurgent,” he replied (Zuben: They be psychics!)
I went to myreception room where my father sat drinking some tea.
‘Father, are youalright? Why the sudden visit?’
He had nevercome to see me at work before. He eventually moved from the Royal City to livea quiet life in the country with my mother. And he never asked for much,neither did he come to visit unannounced. So I had a bad feeling about this.
‘I am fine. Ihave come because I heard a little rumour.’ He replied.
The badfeeling turned into a surety.
The rumour isprobably about the incident at the theatre. In other words, he’s come to askabout Fredericka. I took a seat across from him, and my father looked at mequietly.
‘Volker, arewe getting a daughter in law?’ he asked directly. My father really preferred tobe direct. I smiled, I hadn’t seen him for a while, it was nice to know fatherhadn’t changed.
‘Yes, a prettybride.’
‘I’ve heardit’s the young Honourable Miss Castley.’
‘Yes, her nameis Fredericka.’
‘How old isshe, isn’t she still young?’
‘She’sseventeen.’
‘Seventeen!’
Father wassilent after that. I guess he didn’t know there was such a large difference inage. Then my father looked up at me with a smile as he said,
‘You’ve donewell my boy! This is wonderful news. The most wonderful news!’
It was thefirst time I had seen Father this happy with anything I had done. I returned apuzzled smile.
‘It’s been along wish of mine that if I had a daughter she would be the bride or secondwife of the Viscount Castley, but it never came true. And now, you and the MissCastley…’
Now I’mhearing ridiculous things.
‘Father, whatdo you mean?’
Father gave mea look and said, ‘Ignore what I said,’ and took a sip of tea. (Zuben: It was aweird thing, daddykins)
During thelast great war, thanks to the abundant financial aid of the Castley family, themorale of the soldiers fighting in the war was replenished due to the highquality food and equipment supplied to the army by the Castley scion at thetime. It was Mr Castley that worked with the Prime Minister in negotiating acease fire and eventually the peace treaty.
He came upagainst a lot of impossible conditions and opposition. My grandfather seemed toheavily rely on the Castley money in that war and drew upon it withoutpermission. He used the Castley money to pay reparations to the neighbouringcountries we were at war with. It was a huge amount of money. It wasunbelievable that all that money came from a single merchant.
Mygrandfather, after it was said and done, lowered his head to Merchant Castleyin apology and thanks. He was presented with honours that would be given to asoldier that risked life and limb for the country.
Then there wasa rumour that the Merchant Castley had loaned the money from a money lender.Grandfather investigated the source of the rumour and the person’s tongue wascut.
MerchantCastley had a gold vault, and that was where the money came from. The King apologisedto the Merchant Castley, but he replied to the king with a laugh, “I’m a verygood money maker, who else can lend to the King but me?”
Eventually wewere able to collect reparations and quickly repaid our debts.
Grandfatherfell for the spirit and talent of Merchant Castley, and vowed to repay thefavour.
‘But theMerchant Castley was not happy with the rise in rank, on the contrary to him itfelt dishonourable for a nouveau riche like himself to rise in such a way. Hehad hoped that the status of the Castley family would have risen moresteadily.’
‘So you’re notagainst the marriage?’ I asked my father, just to confirm.
‘No, I washappy to hear about it. I will ask to greet her family soon.’
After that, Iasked Viscount Castley to inform the King and Queen of the impending engagementto Fredericka. And the application for marriage was prepared to be submitted tothe House of Lords.
Soon we foundourselves just the two of us, in her family’s drawing room.
30 I’veWaited…
The sound ofthe door closing sounded strange or was it just in my mind?
The room thathad been filled with a fluffly atmosphere suddenly changed. Rather like fromsweet pink to dark pink!
Somehow Ibecame embarra.s.sed and put a little distance between General Brennan and me onthe two seat sofa.
Isn’t my elbowtoo close? I stayed put but I could not bear it!
‘Fredericka,’he called in his deep voice, he turned to me holding out his arms.
I staredblankly.
‘Come.’
Come? Come toyour knees?!
I could notrefuse, his smile was so charming. But I really didn’t want to do that though.
‘Well,then…please pardon me.’ I asked as I let him lift me onto his knees.
My cheeks gotwarm as I settled down. Right, I’m a girl with strong nasal mucosa! Stronggirl! I will not lose to nosebleeds. I cried in my heart while sitting on hislegs. There is such a hard feeling different from the chair. Are men’s legmuscles so hard? (Zuben: I think it’s just your man, dear) My b.u.m doesn’t haveenough fat to cushion me.
‘Aren’t Iheavy?’ I asked.
The generalwaved my question away, ‘I’ve told you before you’re not that heavy.’
He hugged metightly from behind. My back and the general’s stomach were stuck together andit’s very warm. That deep forest-y smell that seems to represent him surroundsme, I like it very much. It was such a calming scent. But, the situation wasnot letting me calm down at all.
‘Ah um GeneralBrennan…’
‘When you stopcalling me that?’ his voice said directly into my ear. There was a warm wetfeeling behind my ear. He’s licking my ear!!
‘Brennan is myfamily name, General is a t.i.tle. Can’t you call me Volker?’
His cheek wasagainst my ear. Did he just kiss my ear? My brain was turning to mush at hisunique baritone in my ear. My whole body is perspiring. I suddenly softened, so I was stronglyembraced and pulled close. (Zuben: ero ero oyaji)
‘Do you not likeit?’
Don’t say sucha thing! I don’t dislike, my body is selfish.
‘Fredericka,’
My bodybounced at the sound of my name on his lips.
‘Ah Vo-l-ker,’Oh gosh, I can’t even speak.
‘I don’tdislike it…I’m just ashamed…’ I finally said. I used my hands to cover my face.
However,General Bren- I mean Volker seems to be happy about it, ‘I’m sorry, I wasjust…’ he didn’t finish his sentence, but I was released.
Ah I’m alreadyworn out…
I was returnedto my seat beside him drinking tea. My cheeks were hot. I would rather bedrinking something cooler. Because I am still a little girl, I’m very sorry, I can’thandle a grown up erotic atmosphere. But I don’t want to be lazy.
I’m curious.
I’minterested.
What should Ido? Should I tell him my feelings frankly?
Yes, let’s dothat.
‘Volker,’
He immediatelyput an arm around me and pulled me close. My body tingled, but I didn’t hateit. Good.
‘I don’t knowanything about things like this, and I think I will inconvenience you, but Iwill do my best, so please tell me, will you?
I tucked myface into his arm once I finished.
But he wassilent.
I looked up. Iwas surprised to see Volker’s face was red.
Is he sick? (Zuben:Well…this is a very patient bear, is all I can say)
♢