Not for Beau or my newfound family.
Past
Mackenzie
"I"m done for the night if you don"t need anything, Fred?" I hang up my ap.r.o.n and reach for my handbag. It"s my second week on the job and Fred, my new boss, has already taken me under his wing.
"You sit down and let me fix you some dinner," he calls out just like every night this week.
"It"s really okay, Fred. I want to head out before it gets dark." It"s just after six and I know it"s going to be dark within the next twenty minutes.
"Don"t argue, sweetheart." His graying eyebrows dip low, waiting for me to agree. Knowing it"s not going to get me anywhere, I let out a sigh and pull up a spot at the counter. "Good girl," he says then turns, too happy with himself.
It"s been three months since the day Beau dropped me off with Larry and Mary. After staying with them for a week, I was moved to Kansas where I lived in a shelter for nine weeks until my cast could come off and I had some strength back in my arm. From there, I finally was able to head out on my own. I hopped on a bus and traveled east, wanting to be as far away from Chad as possible. This small town in Ohio wasn"t meant to be a stopping spot for me, but after a mix-up with getting on the wrong bus, I ended up here and decided to settle down. At least for a while.
"We need to talk about you walking home alone at night." Fred pulls me out of my head.
"I told you, I can look after myself." I try to shut it down before it goes anywhere. Fred is a good guy and means well. When I first walked into his diner looking for a job, I felt a connection to him, almost like I knew I had ended up there just so I could know him. That"s not to say he didn"t scare me, the military vibe I got off him, the way he saw past the bulls.h.i.t lies I fed him to get the job, it made me hold back a little. But then his wife, Carly, walked in, took one look at me and hired me on the spot, even without reading my resume. Since then, both of them have welcomed me into their life like a long lost friend.
"Carly"s brother holds these self-defense cla.s.ses down at the gym. Now that you"re settled in, I think you should find yourself at some of them. I"d feel a whole lot better knowing you"re protected." He continues to push the subject. He does it a lot. Push the subject. At first it didn"t sit right with me, the bossiness almost reminding me too much of Chad, but then I realized it came from such a different place.
"Fred I-" I begin to argue, but I know it"s hopeless.
"No, you listen to me. I don"t know your past, or what you"re hiding from, but I knew the second you walked in here you had a story. I see the way you jump at loud noises, how you"re always keeping your eye on the door. Now, I"m not asking you to share, though I hope one day you do, so I know how to be prepared in case someone comes around, but until then you need to protect yourself, sweetheart."
I don"t say anything, not sure there really is anything to say. I thought I was doing a good job at pretending I was okay. Clearly, I"m not.
"Just give it some thought. In the meantime, I want you to keep this on your body." He reaches behind his back, pulls out a small handgun and places it in my hand. The cold metal stings my skin and I have to force myself not to recoil.
"Fred this-" I stop when I see him shake his head.
"Do you know how to shoot?" I nod, remembering the few times Heidi took me out to the shooting range back home. It was the first time she saw the aftermath of Chad"s rage. When I refused to leave, she made me learn how to shoot.
"Then take it. Humor an old man and get Carly off my back." I want to hand it back, tell him I don"t need it because there is no way Chad is going to find me, but I don"t because a small part of me knows I"ll never be safe.
"Until I start those self-defense cla.s.ses," I agree, placing the gun in my bag.
His grin grows before he gives me a wink and then turns back to the kitchen, intent on trying to feed me.
I sink back in my chair, annoyed and maybe a little disappointed in myself. Not because I just agreed to take self-defense cla.s.ses or even because I took the gun. Those things would keep me safe. No, I was disappointed because the one rule I gave myself when I arrived here was to not let anyone in.
I"ve failed. Fred and Carly are in, whether I like it not.
I just hope it doesn"t come back to bite me later.
Twenty-Four.
Beau "Thanks for inviting me. I had such a good time." Kenzie wraps her arms around Kelly and pulls her in for a quick hug.
"I"m glad you had a good night." Kelly pulls back and starts talking about some shopping s.h.i.t for next week.
It"s just after midnight, and I received the text from Jesse twenty minutes ago saying the girls were wrapping their night up.
"Any trouble?" I turn to Jesse, interrupting his conversation with Nix.
"Just some creeper hanging around. She said it was nothing, but she looked a bit spooked." I turn back and watch Kadence say her goodbye. She would tell us if it was anything to do with Chad.
"You get a look at him?"
"Yeah, but didn"t ring any bells. It didn"t seem like she knew him." I catalog the information to talk to her about it later.
"Okay. We"re out," I say to them both, done with hanging around. I"ve been sitting around the club with the boys shooting the s.h.i.t waiting for the girls to be done. Now they"re done, I"m ready to head the f.u.c.k home.
"You ready, darlin"?" I step forward, dip my head low and whisper in her ear. She nods, but doesn"t speak.
"Night, ladies." I spin us around and head back through the clubhouse to the front door. Kenzie gives one last wave over her shoulder before turning back. "Did you have a good night?" I ask wrapping my arm around her as I steer her out to my bike.
"Yeah," is all she says, stepping up to my bike and reaching for her helmet.
"You okay?" I place my hand under her chin and force her to look up at me.
"Just tired." She pulls back and diverts her eyes.
The f.u.c.k?
Something about her reaction isn"t sitting well with me, but I don"t push, wanting to get us safely home.
"Then let"s take you home, darlin"." I climb on and wait for her to slide forward. It only takes a short second for her to wrap herself around me close. I start my bike, rev the throttle a few times before taking off.
The whole ride has my mind trying to figure out what the h.e.l.l is up her a.s.s. By the time we pull up to the front of my house, my unease only grows when she slides off and heads straight toward the door.
"Kenzie, what the f.u.c.k is going on?" I call out as she steps up onto the porch. She doesn"t answer this time. Pushing her key into the lock, she steps inside, leaving me standing there.
Climbing off my bike, I take the steps two at a time. I follow her inside, down the hall and into my room.
"The f.u.c.k? What the h.e.l.l is up your a.s.s, darlin"?" I try to rack my brain trying to figure out what could have upset her in the last few hours.
Lissy?
"You have words with Lissy tonight?" I ask, watching her step out of her s.e.xy-as-f.u.c.k heels. Her body reacts to Lissy"s name and I zone in on it.
"What the f.u.c.k happened? If she spewed her s.h.i.t-"
"She just wanted to clear the air. That"s it." She pushes past me and moves to the bathroom.
"This why you"re p.i.s.sy?" I follow behind her, still not getting it. Apparently, I didn"t make it clear just how much Lissy is not on my f.u.c.king radar.
"I"m not p.i.s.sy. Can you just leave me alone? I told you I"m tired. Keep pushing me and it"s only going to p.i.s.s me off." She stops at the door, preventing me from entering. I hold her stare, and honestly it"s written all over her face. This is so much bigger than Lissy.
"Don"t f.u.c.king shut down on me now, darlin"." She recoils, her head snapping back at my voice, but she only looks blankly up at me.
"Beau, I told you nothing happened. I"m just tired." She forces some fake bulls.h.i.t smile then reaches for the door. Attempting to shut it.
Yeah, like that"s f.u.c.king happening.
"You"re not acting like nothing happened." I place my hand on the door, stopping it from separating us. "You"re acting like you"re lost in your head, darlin"." I rest my shoulder against the doorframe and watch her step back.
"You need to leave me alone."
"Not until you tell me what"s happening here. I"m kind of f.u.c.king clueless right now." Her arms come around the front of her, wrapping herself tightly.
"You"re keeping something from me." Her body stills for a brief second before she quickly hides her reaction.
"You think you know everything." She spins on her heel, moving to the shower and pulling the door open. I watch her sharp, angry movements. She starts the shower, steps back, and tears the zip down on her dress.
Willing myself not to get hard, she practically rips it from her body, unclasping her bra and throwing it on the floor.
"You just have to push and push." Her panties go next. "Can"t I just be tired? Can"t I just have a moment? f.u.c.king men just have to push. You"re just like him." Her whole demeanor has flipped. This isn"t Mackenzie talking.
"Maybe I don"t want to talk about it. Did you think about that?" She twists back to face me, completely naked. "Did you? I don"t have to talk to you about everything, you know. You don"t get to tell me how I can feel, how to act." She pulls the gla.s.s door open and steps under the stream of the water. She dips her head back, letting the water soak through her hair. Her t.i.ts push out as she raises her hands to her hair. I don"t know if I want to laugh or spank the f.u.c.k out of her a.s.s right now.
"Are you done?" I ask when my c.o.c.k decides he"s done with this bulls.h.i.t play.
Her eyes open as I take three steps toward her. "Are you?" She narrows her gaze when I rip my shirt over my head.
"Not even f.u.c.king close to being done, darlin"." I toe off my boots, flick the b.u.t.ton on my jeans then pull them down.
"Beau." She steps back when I open the gla.s.s door.
"Turn around, put your hands on the tiles, and don"t move them." I spin her before she can argue and guide her hands over her head, firmly placing them against the wall. "Don"t you ever f.u.c.king put me in the same head s.p.a.ce as that piece of s.h.i.t." I step in close to her, my front to her back.
"I didn"t mean it." Her whisper is unsure as it echoes around the small shower.
"Don"t give a f.u.c.k. I"m not him. Never will be." Her head drops forward, chin tucked into her breastbone.
"I know. I"m a b.i.t.c.h. I didn"t mean to say it." I press into her closer, my c.o.c.k now rock hard.
"You"re not. But you"re gonna tell me what the f.u.c.k is happening here." I lean in closer, my mouth to her ear.
"I don"t know."
"Don"t feed me bulls.h.i.t. I"m not f.u.c.king stupid. This have something to do with Lissy?"
"No. No, it"s not her. It"s me." She gives me something to work with. "Maybe this is moving too fast for me."
"You freaking out?" I keep her pinned to the shower wall. Her hands still above her head. I"m confused. She"s showed no signs of pulling back in the last week. Not for one second have I thought I"ve pushed her too far.
Until tonight.
"Maybe. I don"t know." She shakes her head. Almost like she"s as confused as I am. My head is telling me she"s full of s.h.i.t, but my body steps back giving her s.p.a.ce. "Wait." She turns back to face me. Her eyes grow wide in panic. "Jesus, I don"t know what I"m saying." She shakes her head again.
"Nothing"s changed here, darlin". We go at your speed." She bites her lip and I can practically see the wheels turning in her head.
"I"m sorry. I really am tired. The girls were on my case all night. Then the thing with Lissy. I"m just getting lost in my head." She steps up to me this time.
"Nothing to be sorry for. You want to cool things down. I get it." I wrap my arms around her. I still don"t understand what made her flip like this, but I don"t push. I"ve already pushed too far tonight.
"I don"t know what I want." She speaks into my chest, and it"s probably the most honest thing she"s said all night.
"Come on. Let"s get you to bed." I decide to end this conversation, at least for now. Whatever she"s stewing over isn"t going to go away tonight. I"ve already tried to bring her out of it and was unsuccessful. I"ll let it go this evening, but tomorrow is a new day.
I reach forward and turn off the water. We step out of the shower, and I wrap her in a towel before grabbing one for myself. She lets me take the lead, drying her off before moving her back to my bed. We don"t say another word as we dress for bed. Unsure of what I"m looking at with our situation, I let her run things. She heads back to the bathroom and dries her hair. I climb between the sheets and wait to see if she comes to me. After everything else tonight, I wouldn"t be surprised if she made her way back to her room. If it happens, I"ll follow. Five minutes later, she steps out of the bathroom and comes to my bed.
I don"t show my relief. Instead, I pull the blanket back and let her climb in.
She settles, still keeping the silence, so I turn the light off, bathing the room in darkness. Another five minutes go by and she finally shifts, rolling to face me.
"Beau, I"m falling in love with you. And maybe that"s too soon to say, or too soon for you to hear, but I need you to know." She rests her palm over my naked chest.
"Darlin"-" I begin, but she cuts me off.
"I didn"t tell you so you can say it back. I just wanted you to know."
Jesus, I"m on a rollercoaster right now. Ups and downs, and f.u.c.king looping everywhere.
"Okay," I whisper, pulling her closer to me. The urge to tell her back is strong, but I don"t. Not because I don"t feel the same way. f.u.c.k, I think I fell in love with her the second she walked into the clubhouse. No, I don"t say it back because something"s not right. It"s almost like she had to tell me before it was too late.
But too late for what?
An unease settles over me, and digs in so deep I know it isn"t going away. She"s up to something and I don"t know what the f.u.c.k it is, but I"m sure as h.e.l.l going to find out.