I try to press a kiss to her lips, and she jumps back screaming like I"m a f.u.c.king serial killer or some s.h.i.t!
"Don"t mess up the make-up, or they will kick your a.s.s." She says matter-of-factly pointing to her make-up crew.
Waving to them, I let out a deep chuckle and hold my hands up in surrender, "Wow, sorry. Let"s see: lips off limits, p.u.s.s.y off limits. Music Award shows are not all they"re cracked up to be. I thought it was all about hot s.e.x and Rock and Roll. I guess I got the wrong memo."
Rolling her eyes she blows me an air kiss, "You"re such an idiot sometimes, but I still love you. Now let me finish getting ready so we can get out of here."
I spend the next hour sitting on pins and f.u.c.king needles as I wait for our limo to take us to MGM Grand. I have no idea what Beyond Redemption is performing tonight at the awards because Brittan won"t tell me.
She was super secretive and didn"t allow me around when they had rehearsals yesterday. She told me it"s a surprise, so now I"m h.o.r.n.y and beyond f.u.c.king anxious to see what the h.e.l.l this surprise is.
With Brittan, you just never know.
Brittan I love the excitement of the Red Carpet. You have so many genres of music coming together to celebrate our achievements and you get to mingle with other artists you wouldn"t normally hang out with.
Jordon was adorable on the Red Carpet posing with me for the photogs". He looks like s.e.x on a f.u.c.king stick right now in his suit. It took everything in me not to jump his bones in the limo on the way over.
If I wasn"t so worried about messing up my hair and make-up that took six hours to do, then I would"ve.
Jordan along with Zane, Lawson and Kingston presented the first award of the night. I was so proud seeing him up on that stage. They all just headed backstage to get ready to perform their number one hit Goodbye Chicago. Everyone is obsessed with that d.a.m.n song!
My entire body is a bundle of nerves right now and, with each pa.s.sing second, they only intensify. I"m never nervous when it comes to performing, but to be singing the song I wrote for Jordon, with him in the audience, is beyond nerve-wracking!
I pray he loves it.
The second the lights come up, and the sparks start shooting up out of the stage, the entire auditorium erupts in cheers. I immediately spot Jordon off to the side of the stage with Zane front and center.
They are singing their hearts out and owning the stage. I love looking around and seeing our peers singing along with them. I fan-girled slightly when I spotted Jared Leto and M. Shadows on the Red Carpet and then again sitting a few rows in front of us. They"re my ultimate celebrity crushes. Thank G.o.d Jordon is okay with my obsession with them since he knows he tops the celebrity crush list.
Seeing them singing along and knowing all the words makes my heart swell in my chest. Tempting Tomorrow is so talented. They deserve to finally have everyone taking notice. I"m honored to have them touring with us, and to see them rise to stardom before my eyes.
As the guys are wrapping up their song, Jordon drops down on his knees and begins playing the killer riff at the end of the song, making the entire arena go crazy.
Watching the crowd give a standing ovation makes tears well up in my eyes.
Opening my eyes wide I blink them away because the last thing I need to do is make my mascara run.
The next hour flies by. My bandmates and I, along with Lady Gaga presented an award together. She looked amazing as always. I love how she always goes outside the box with her award show looks.
Finally, I give Jordon a quick peck, making sure not to smudge my lipstick all over his lips and make my way backstage with Holden, Casper, Levi and Nash to get ready for our performance. The entire stage is pitched black as I walk towards the grand piano sitting in the center of the stage.
The guys are set up behind me with Nash at his drum set, Caper and Holden on opposite sides of me with their electric guitars and Levi on ba.s.s beside Casper.
After we are announced, the stage"s dimly lit lights focus on me sitting at the piano, illuminating me in a soft glow, while keeping the guys behind me in the dark, smoky mist. Taking in a deep breath, I slowly and effortlessly begin sliding my fingers over the ivory keys and down on the pedals of the piano. As I begin playing the song I wrote for Jordon; the soft and beautiful melody flows out of the piano, floating throughout the arena.
With each key I press, my heart rate increases as it slams against my ribs with every heartbeat. The guys are waiting for me to sing the first verse then they"ll join in.
Softly, I sing into the mic with my eyes closed, envisioning Jordon as the tone turns dark and whimsical.
Eyes see straight into my soul, Exposing all the secrets I try to hide, What you don"t know is my sadness is like a poison, As deadly as a loaded gun.
As I hammer away on the keys, Casper starts in on the electric guitar, and Nash begins beating rhythmically on the drums, with Levi and Holden joining in as I begin to sing the chorus at the top of my lungs pleading with the vision inside of my head.
Save me from the evil inside of me, Poison, poison destroying everything I see!
Slowing the melody back down I start to sing softly again while I fight to keep my emotions intact and the tears that are trying to escape my eyes at bay.
You see the real me I hide so deep, Behind the fake smile are tears of pain, Exposed to you I show my scars, Pain locked behind steel bars.
When I start the chorus again, my voice is loud and flawless. The entire audience is quiet as they listen to the lyrics and connect with the music that"s causing goose b.u.mps to cover every inch of my flesh.
Save me from the evil inside of me, Poison, poison destroying everything I see!
Guilt is eating away at me, I"m ashamed of what I"ve become, Wounds wide open exposed to you, For you, I try to become something new.
Save me from the evil inside of me, Poison, poison destroying everything I see!
Save me from the evil inside of me, Poison, poison destroying everything I see.
I glance out at the audience full of my peers, and suck in a sharp breath as I see so many with tear filled eyes like mine. Letting them fall, I set myself free, and my body flies away with the last lyrics of the song. Standing, I shove the bench out as I slam my fingers fiercely across the keys.
You see straight through the wall so high I"m afraid of what you see (I"m ashamed of all my lies) Crying for the girl I use to be (Falling from the clouds I come crashing back down) Fighting until I reveal my truths (My escape is no longer getting high) I now get lost in those eyes (The ones that see through all my lies) The moment the song ends everyone jumps to their feet and claps while smiling up at me through their tears.
So many know my story of struggle and know how finding Jordon healed me. Now to sing a song so personal, that I wrote while at one of my lowest points when I was struggling with my feelings for Jordon, is therapeutic.
To finally sing it out loud is exhilarating and so freeing. I feel like I"m floating on a cloud as my eyes meet Jordon"s in the third row.
He has a look of complete shock and awe as he claps and whistles up at me and the guys. I mouth I love you as we all wave and exit the stage.
My legs are shaking, and my chest is heaving as adrenaline courses through me. That was one of the most terrifying and amazing things I"ve ever experienced while performing.
Backstage is total chaos as people run around trying to get ready for the next performance and present the next award.
"Dude! That was f.u.c.king awesome! Better than it was at rehearsal. Your voice was seriously flawless, Brittan." Holden says wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in for a bear hug.
"Thanks. I was so d.a.m.n nervous. I thought for sure I was going to mess up a note or lyric." I laugh trying to brush off my nerves.
"Well, you just blew the roof off of this place! I can"t wait until tomorrow. I bet we"ll see our performance all over the internet and news stations when they talk about the awards show."
Casper rubs his hand over his short, black buzzed head and beams down at me, "That was f.u.c.king awesome. I can"t wait to see this song climb the charts!"
I"m ecstatic right now.
I am relieved that they loved the song and were down with performing it instead of one of the new songs on our alb.u.m. I don"t know what I"d do without these guys. They"ve been by my side for eight years, and without them I would have never achieved all that we"ve accomplished since we started this crazy wonderful journey.
Jordon Brittan blew me away with that song tonight. I could feel all the emotions she was feeling as she sat up on that stage and blew everyone"s minds with that performance. I got choked up listening to the lyrics as she poured her heart out. Then to see our peers feeling the same emotions, it was the craziest and most thrilling thing I"ve ever experienced in my life.
That moment even outweighed us winning our first award ever for Best New Group/Duo. The awards were a blast, and none of us left empty handed with Beyond Redemption winning Top Artist.
I"m so proud of Brittan, seeing where she was this time last year, missing the awards because she was in rehab and seeing where she is now...She"s stronger than ever.
I made sure to let her know just how much I loved her song the second we climbed into our limo. By the time we made it back to our hotel, she"d already come twice around my fingers.
She begged me to let her rip my tuxedo off, but I told her we only had a short drive down the strip, we would have to wait until we entered our suite, but it would be worth it.
Brittan compromised.
We made it to the elevator, slid our penthouse suite key in then she pinned me against the elevator wall. She fisted my shirt and tore it open scattering the b.u.t.tons across the floor in one quick move.
I almost came in my f.u.c.king pants watching the hunger erupt in her eyes as she tore my shirt from my body.
We had some of the best s.e.x we"ve ever had, in that elevator, and then again in our suite before finally crashing from exhaustion.
I think every moment we have together I fall a little deeper in love with her. She has consumed my every thought and every inch of my heart. Brittan is everything I"ve ever dreamt of and then some.
I hope that we only fall deeper in love with one another every day from here on out.
Epilogue.
Jordon.
Malibu, California.
September 19th 2015.
"Rise and shine b.u.t.tercup, we got a busy day ahead of us today!" I murmur against Brittan"s neck as I nuzzle it, waking her up. I snuck out of bed already, got dressed and made her breakfast in bed.
Setting the tray down over her lap, I slide onto the bed beside her as she stretches and makes the most adorable little squeaky sound as she yawns. She doesn"t know it yet, but today is going to be the day everything changes for us.
"What is this?" She asks shimmying up onto her b.u.t.t, trying not to spill her food all over the bed.
"Breakfast in bed, what does it look like?" I tease as I lean in giving her a good morning kiss.
Picking up her mug of coffee a small smile spreads across her lips as the delicious aroma of hazelnut tickles her nose.
"I know what it is silly, I just don"t know why? It"s not an anniversary, or my birthday? You didn"t scratch my car again did you?!"
Holding my hands up I laugh while leaning slightly away from her, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow it down there motor mouth. Geesh! A guy accidently scratches your car while goofing around one time, and he never gets to live it down."
Furrowing her brows at me and pursing her lips, she searches my face for a moment, "My car is my prized possession, so yeah I was a tad bit p.i.s.sed off. I wouldn"t put it past you to do it again because you and your friends think water gun fights, around my d.a.m.n beach house, are fun. Well it"s all fun and games until someone ends up falling on my d.a.m.n car."
"Hey, I made the guys promise to never go near your baby again. Okay...now back to why I made you breakfast in bed. I know it"s not your birthday, or our anniversary, and no I haven"t broken or damaged anything. I just want to spoil you all day and take advantage of us finally being home for a while. Europe was f.u.c.king off the hook, but I"m looking forward to some down time with my favorite girl."
"Aww, you are so sweet. I"m sorry I a.s.sumed you hurt my car again. Breakfast looks yummy." She says giving me a sympathetic smile while running her fingers through my hair.
Her fingers ma.s.saging my scalp and sliding through my hair is the one weakness I have that makes me want to grovel at her knees, begging her to f.u.c.k me until my d.i.c.k falls off.
"I slaved over a toaster all morning making you these waffles and I even sliced the fruit myself."
"Aren"t you sweet? I"m so glad you thought of me and didn"t try to cook." She teases as a tiny smirk curls up at the corners of her lips.
"Ha, ha. Be lucky I love you, because I"ve been known, out of spite, to cook for people. Just ask Lawson, Zane and Kingston or my brother Eric." Brittan practically spews her coffee all over her breakfast at that one.
She is too d.a.m.n cute.
"You are so bad!" She yells slapping my arm as she pops another piece of pineapple in her mouth.
Raising an eyebrow, I flash a big, all teeth showing grin as I lay back onto the stack of pillows beside her, "Babe, admit it, you love it when I"m bad. Girls love bad boys. It"s a proven fact."
Shaking her head she lets out a snort, "You are too much," before digging into her waffle.
I tuck my hands behind my head and watch her eat as I try to maintain my cool, calm and collected persona when on the inside I"m nervous as h.e.l.l.
I pray she enjoys the surprises I have planned for her today.
Brittan After finishing my breakfast in bed and taking a quick shower, I threw on some capris, tank top and leather jacket with a pair of sneakers. Jordon said to dress comfortably; we"re going for a ride.
The second I step outside I see Jordon standing in the driveway next to his Harley with our two helmets. He has a sly grin on his face looking like the hot bad boy he was referring to earlier in the bedroom, with his faded and worn jeans, boots, tight tee and leather jacket.