She clapped her hands twice and began to pray quietly to her parents" spirits. "Please help me to fit in here and to learn about their beliefs. Please also intercede for me with our ancestors and make them understand that this is something I"m doing out of necessity. I haven"t forgotten your teachings, dearest Father, and never shall. Forgive me for not bringing you offerings every day, but I dare not at present. No one here would understand. And Mother I know it was your wish that I should come here, so please guide me now so I don"t make any more mistakes. I can feel your presence, you are always in my thoughts. Help me, please, I beg you."
A slight draught stirred up the dust on the floor next to the fireplace, and Midori took this as a good sign. With a lighter heart she bowed once more and whispered, "Thank you."
Chapter Twenty-Two.
"Mother and I are going to buy provisions. Do you want to come with us, Midori?" Temperance had come into the parlour where Aunt Hesketh, with ill-concealed impatience, was attempting to teach Midori how to darn sheets. It was a boring task and something she"d never had to do before. At Castle Shiroi such things were done by servants.
"Oh, yes please." Midori stood up, then belatedly looked to her aunt for permission.
Aunt Hesketh nodded. "Yes, go. We"re not making much progress here in any case." That wasn"t quite true, but Midori was too pleased to be leaving and didn"t argue.
As the three of them set off, the August sun beat down on them and the air was a shimmering haze through which distant objects appeared unreal. Many of the people they met had faces that had turned an unbecoming shade of pink, and as they picked their way through the personal waste and rubbish which littered the streets, the smell was overpowering. Midori was becoming used to the filth now, although the occasional whiff of something particularly malodorous would sometimes make her gag. She was grateful they weren"t headed towards the harbour, though. She"d been there the previous day with Aunt Marston and the stench of the thousands of fish being unloaded and dealt with around the Barbican and Fisherman"s Steps was unbelievable.
The heat wouldn"t normally have bothered her either, but it made the woollen bodice more itchy. She would have infinitely preferred a cool silk kimono, but that was out of the question.
"Your, er, robes are lovely, my dear," Aunt Marston had said kindly, "but I"m afraid they really won"t do here. You want to be a credit to your uncle, don"t you?" And Midori did, so she packed away her j.a.panese clothing, placing some camphor in between the layers of material to deter moths.
"This way." Aunt Marston steered a path towards the Guildhall, an imposing two-storey edifice which looked to have been there for some time. One side of it was solid, while on the other side the second floor was supported by a row of arches forming a cavernous open-air hall. In the welcome shade below, market traders were selling their wares, having brought them either in carts, barrels or baskets, and Midori"s relations set course for a farmer whose vegetables looked to be of good quality.
As she pa.s.sed one of the pillars an arm shot out and grabbed Midori"s, pulling her out of sight. She started to try and free herself, but when she saw who her captor was, she stopped.
"Nico, what are you doing? Let go of me." She shook him off and he let her, but looked as though he was ready to take hold of her arm again if she should decide to bolt.
"I need to speak to you and I can"t get you alone for a second in that mausoleum of a house," he grumbled, frustration clearly showing in his eyes. He"d come to dinner several times, but Midori had so far avoided being on her own with him. He held up a hand now to forestall any protest she might make. "I know you"re angry with me, but please, just hear me out. It"s important."
Midori debated with herself, but curiosity won. "Very well, but hurry or they"ll miss me."
He ushered her out of sight, behind the canvas of a market stall where no one could see them. "Listen, there are two things I must tell you. The first is that there seems to be a civil war brewing here in England, as well. I don"t know if it will affect Plymouth, but it might." He explained what he"d overheard at the inn.
"That sounds like mere rumours to me," Midori protested.
"Harding doesn"t think so, but I admit it"s difficult to tell and it may just be scaremongering."
"Well, if Plymouth is threatened, I"ll just have to help defend our clan."
Nico shook his head at her. "You can"t fight here, you"re a woman."
"So? You know I"m skilled with a sword and-"
"Midori, I told you, women are not allowed to do things like that in Europe. They stay at home and help look after the household and children. For heaven"s sake, don"t tell anyone you"ve been trained in the arts of war. And I hope you"ve hidden your swords well out of sight?"
Midori frowned at him. "Yes, but if we"re threatened, do you expect me to just watch my family be slaughtered?"
"No, of course not. All I"m saying is it probably won"t come to that, so it"s best you keep quiet about your abilities. If you really were threatened, of course you must do what you can."
"Very well, if you insist. And what was the other matter you wanted to tell me?"
"It"s about the Puritans."
"The what?"
Nico turned away from her and paced back and forth. "It"s difficult to explain." He took a deep breath. "You remember I told you there were different types of Christians?" Midori nodded. "Well, some of these groups here in England, and in Holland, too, for that matter, take their Christianity very seriously indeed. They call themselves "G.o.dly" or "G.o.d"s children" and live strictly according to the rules laid down in the Bible. They ... oh, how can I explain it to you? They"re simply more intensely Christian than anyone else, almost to the point of obsession. They pray morning, noon and night, read their Bible all the time, discuss theological matters endlessly, and so on. Do you follow me?"
"Yes, but how does that affect me?"
"Because I think Jacob is a Puritan. You must have noticed his sombre clothes and all that praying before dinner? He never stops."
"Oh, wasn"t he like that before?"
"No, not to that extreme. Midori, I can"t leave you here with them. You"ll never fit in."
"It"s not a problem. I"ve told him I have different beliefs and he"s accepted that. He admitted he"d like to change my mind, but although I"ll let him try, he won"t. But please don"t tell him that."
"What do you take me for? Of course I won"t tell him anything of the sort. But really, he"s probably only saying that to lure you in. Before you know it, he"ll force you to be baptised or else."
"No, he won"t. He"s a kind man and he said I was welcome to stay no matter what."
"Rubbish."
Midori glared at him. "Well, what do you suggest I do instead? It"s not as if I can go back to j.a.pan. To tell you the truth, I"m so relieved my uncle is even still alive, I"m prepared to put up with anything. At least now I have a home again, a clan to belong to."
"But it won"t be a home, don"t you see? They won"t accept you as you are. You"ll have to change, much more than I prepared you for. It won"t do."
"I"ll stand my ground."
Nico shook his head. "I doubt they"ll tolerate a non-Puritan in their household for very long, although they will of course expect to have to teach you at first."
She raised her chin. "They can"t force me and anyway, you"re wrong. I don"t believe they will."
"Are you sure you want to stay here? There is an alternative, you know."
"And what is that?"
He hesitated, as if it was a struggle to utter the words, then said, "Marry me and go back to Amsterdam."
Nico knew it wasn"t the most romantic of proposals, but it seemed like the right thing to do. He"d never thought he would say those words to anyone, but now he had and it hadn"t been as difficult as he"d imagined. He just couldn"t see Midori ever fitting in here and he felt responsible for her predicament. He shouldn"t have brought her, so it was up to him to find a solution.
"What? You"re jesting." Midori stared at him while her eyebrows came down in a frown.
He shook his head. "No. You"d fit in better in Amsterdam. There are other foreigners there, one more won"t make a difference. You must have noticed, right?"
She glared at him and put her hands on her hips. "And what makes you think I"d want to marry you? You lied to me for nine months. I didn"t even know your real name!"
"Yes, you did, my name is Nicholas Noordholt. I changed it when I became a Dutch citizen. I used to be known as Nicholas Hesketh, but since old Ezekiel more or less disowned me in his will, I didn"t see why I should keep his name. I owed him nothing."
There was no let-up in her scowl and Nico could tell she was far from convinced, so he tried to explain it better. "Look, I left Plymouth because no one wanted me around. My stepmother did nothing when the old curmudgeon beat me twice as much as any of the others. I wasn"t her son, so why should she stand up for me? He"d only have beaten her, too. When he died, he left me nothing and the estate was divided between the rest of the children. Kate didn"t get anything, either, and went to live with her brother, leaving me to fend for myself. Then Jacob made it clear I wasn"t to darken his door, although to be fair, he had his reasons, as he explained to me the other day. Either way, I left to make a new life for myself, determined never to come back. Then I met you ..."
"Fate was obviously unkind to you that day," she said, her tone dripping sarcasm. "I"m sorry you had to return here because of me."
Nico stopped his pacing and stepped close to her. "I"m sure fate had a reason for bringing us together and I admit I should have told you who I was as soon as I realised our connection. I apologise for that. But there was a spark between us, right from the start, wasn"t there? You felt it, too. And I was fighting against it, first because I"d promised your brother I"d protect you and later because I knew deep down it would make me come here. To a place I"d vowed never to set foot in again."
She looked away. "I don"t know what you mean."
"Now who"s lying?" he asked, softly. He put his hands out to cup her face, turning it towards him, then he bent to kiss her, gently at first, memorising the feel of her mouth, the taste of her. When she made a noise perhaps of protest, although she didn"t push him away he deepened the kiss and put his arms around her to pull her hard against his chest. It felt so right. She fit perfectly, and he wanted to keep her there so she"d be safe. Perhaps marriage wouldn"t be as bad as he"d always imagined. Not with Midori as his wife.
She reciprocated for a while, her tongue sparring with his, but then she suddenly tore out of his grasp and put some distance between them.
"No," she said, holding out a hand to stop him from coming closer. "Leave me alone. I"m not marrying a man I can"t trust; a man without honour."
"What? I have more honour than anyone here." Nico tried to calm his breathing, which was as erratic as his heartbeat. "And you can trust me with your life. Didn"t I prove that to you in Batavia?"
"That was different. And besides, I can"t remember much about it, only what you told me. How do I know you weren"t lying then, too?" She shook her head. "It just won"t work. A marriage should be based on trust and respect and I thought I was the one who"d been dishonest because I lied about my destination, when in fact it was you who ... No, go back to Amsterdam. You didn"t want me before when I ... well, before this. Now it"s too late."
Nico swallowed hard, gritting his teeth to stop himself from hurling angry words at her. He"d done his best, but if she didn"t want to be saved, there was nothing more he could do.
"So be it," he said. "I hope you enjoy your new life."
Midori watched him leave with a mixture of anger, despair and longing. Tearing herself away from his kiss was one of the hardest things she"d ever done, but she knew it was the right course of action. She couldn"t marry him, not now.
If only he"d asked before and never brought me here.
But he hadn"t and now she couldn"t be sure anything he said was the truth. There was no denying the attraction between them, as he"d demonstrated so clearly, but she could and would refuse to give in to it completely.
"I"m samurai. I will not be ruled by emotion," she vowed. "I will do everything I can to fit in here so that I can once again belong to a family. How hard can it be?"
Surely no worse than anything she"d already been through.
The following morning Midori heard angry voices in the parlour and sat on the stairs, unashamedly eavesdropping.
"I can"t believe you"re leaving again so soon! You"ve only just got back, after thirteen years. Have you no thought for us? What of your duty to care for me in my old age?" Aunt Hesketh"s voice was strident and belligerent.
"How do you know I have so much as a penny to my name?" Midori heard Nico reply. "Unlike your own children, I was left with nothing, remember? And how is it my duty? If you want to be supported, why not ask them?"
Midori had already been told about Nico"s stepsiblings two brothers in their late twenties who were both clerks, and two slightly younger sisters; one a farmer"s wife, the other married to a clergyman. For some reason they"d all moved to Exeter or somewhere near there.
"They have families to look after and it"s obvious you"ve made something of yourself." Aunt Hesketh sounded defensive. "Your clothes are of good quality, if a bit on the ostentatious side."
"Perhaps I stole them?" Nico"s voice was calm and controlled, with a touch of sarcasm, but Midori guessed he was holding his temper in check with difficulty. If what he"d told her the day before was really true, she could understand why he hadn"t wanted to return. Listening to Aunt Hesketh seemed to confirm his words.
"Now you"re being deliberately provoking." Aunt Hesketh sniffed loudly.
"Well, for your information, I have already given Jacob some money for your keep. You"re right and it shouldn"t have fallen to him to support you. And since my stepsiblings aren"t able or willing to do anything about it, I will, though the Lord knows why ..."
"They do what they can, from time to time."
"Be that as it may, it"s all settled."
"Better late than never, I suppose."
"A simple thank you would do." Midori heard the bitterness in Nico"s voice and agreed he had cause to feel that way. Aunt Hesketh was being very trying.
"Of course I"m grateful, but why must you leave again? Jacob said you"d agreed to let bygones be bygones. This has something to do with that girl, doesn"t it? I can feel it in my bones, she"s a bad influence."
"Don"t be ridiculous. I escorted Midori here because she had nowhere else to go. You and Jacob are her family, don"t forget, and you"d better treat her well or else ..."
"I knew it, there is something going on. Why else should you care?"
"There isn"t." Nico"s words came out as if through clenched teeth and Midori held her breath, waiting to see what else he"d say. "Midori is a friend, that"s all, and we became acquainted during the journey back. I know she is kind and honourable. She deserves to be treated with respect as your niece, if nothing else. I don"t want to hear any more of the "heathen" nonsense, understand? And don"t think I won"t know, because I will be told, make no mistake. I still have friends here in Plymouth."
An uncomfortable silence ensued, which was broken by another sniff. "Very well. I"m sure the girl won"t be my responsibility, anyway."
"Thank Christ for that. Now I need to get down to the ship. Goodbye."
Midori barely had time to move out of sight before Nico flung open the parlour door and came storming out. He took the stairs down two at a time, sometimes three, and it was obvious he couldn"t leave the house fast enough. Midori stood up slowly, her limbs curiously frozen, and blinked hard to get rid of the p.r.i.c.kling of tears in her eyes.
"I never cry," she told herself sternly and drew in a strengthening breath. "And he"s not worth anyone"s tears." She ignored the little voice inside her head that asked whether she was really sure about that.
Later that afternoon she stood in the small bedroom and rubbed absently at a grimy window pane with the heel of her hand. She looked out towards the harbour. Fishing boats and other sailing vessels of every description and size filled her vision, but the larger ship which had brought her, Nico and Harding from Amsterdam was gone.
She put a hand over her mouth to stifle the cry of anguish that wanted to escape. Despair welled up inside her, but she pushed it down. I will not give in to these emotions. She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the cool gla.s.s.
"Are you all right?"
The small voice behind her made Midori jump and she swivelled round to find her youngest cousin standing by the door, watching her with concern in her eyes.
"Oh, Temperance, you startled me."
"Sorry, but you were deep in thought. Is something wrong? Is Father cross with you? I know he can be a bit harsh ..."
"No, no he"s not." Midori turned back to the window and stared into the distance again. "I was just thinking of ... my friends from the journey. Their ship has gone."
"Cousin Nicholas, you mean? Yes, I heard him say it was leaving with the tide."
"I know." Midori tried to make her tone sound even.
"Oh, I forgot!" Temperance put her hand in the pocket of her ap.r.o.n and brought out a somewhat grubby piece of paper. "He asked me to give you this, sorry."
"Thank you." Midori took the note which was addressed to her in bold writing and tried to ignore the sudden quickening of her heartbeat.
Midori, If you are ever in need of a.s.sistance, I beg you will go and find Harding who has promised to help you in any way he can. He lives on the other side of the harbour, in the fourth house on the left facing the quay.