But I shoved all the hurt away, something I was very good at, and focused on my anger. I walked over and slapped him hard across the face. His eyes widened before he made a move to walk away, probably a.s.suming that the slap meant go f.u.c.k yourself. And it did. But now I was also in need of a hard and rough f.u.c.k, especially if it was our last one.
I caught his puff of surprise as I wound my hand around his neck and brought our mouths roughly together. Our tongues battled for dominance as I shoved his jacket off. He quickly threw it to the ground before grabbing my hips and lifting me in the air. My legs immediately went around his waist while my hands threaded through his hair. He growled as I pulled, my grip firmer and held longer than normal, and I cried out as he slammed me back against the wall.
I didn"t remember how we made it to my bedroom. But the second we did, he threw me on the center bed before roughly yanking his shirt over his head and ridding himself of his pants and boxers in one movement. I stared in awe as he confidently walked over and grabbed my foot before dragging me to end of the bed. Roughly grabbing me by the hair, he guided his c.o.c.k toward my mouth. "Open."
Even though my mouth watered, I stubbornly kept it closed as my eyes narrowed on him. He smirked before yanking a little harder, not enough to hurt but just enough to cause my panties to dampen even further, and forcing my mouth open with a shriek that was quickly cut off by his d.i.c.k in my mouth. I choked at the invasion, a little unprepared for how forceful he was, but I couldn"t deny how turned on I was. My c.l.i.t throbbed as he continued to f.u.c.k my mouth and issue commands of "suck harder," "move faster," and "take more."
"I"m close." His voice was low and husky. "Pull down your shirt and bra."
I"d never been more grateful for tank tops. Damien"s eyes flared as soon as my b.r.e.a.s.t.s were free, and it seemed to trigger his o.r.g.a.s.m as he ripped his c.o.c.k from my mouth and pumped his release onto my chest.
Holy f.u.c.king s.h.i.t.
I had never been so aroused in my life. My nails dug into his thighs as I struggled not to touch myself. When he finished coming he shoved me back on the bed before taking my mouth in a devastating kiss, his semi-hard c.o.c.k rubbing against the juncture of my thighs. Cursing my jeans and thong, I ripped my mouth away and said, "I need you inside me."
He chuckled against my neck before sucking the flesh into his mouth. Running one hand down my abdomen, he cupped my s.e.x. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," I panted as my eyes closed.
"I thought it was nothing impressive," he said as he grabbed my hand and placed it on his d.i.c.k. I couldn"t stop myself from wrapping my fingers around his warm flesh. "I thought this was nothing impressive."
b.a.s.t.a.r.d.
I clenched my jaw, refusing to give him what he wanted as he continued rubbing me through my jeans.
"Sweetheart," he murmured, the mocking present for the first time since we met at the tattoo shop. "I"m in control here." His hand stopped moving and I whimpered at the loss of sensation. "You want to come? Then you"ll do what I say."
"Fine," I hissed as I forcefully squeezed him and gave two quick jerks. "This is impressive. It"s so impressive I nearly go cross-eyed every time you"re inside me. It"s so impressive I m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e imagining it in my mouth. It"s so impressive I-"
Like a magnet, his mouth returned to mine and his tongue f.u.c.ked my mouth as fiercely as I knew his c.o.c.k would. His hands made quick work of the b.u.t.ton on my jeans before he pulled them down and I kicked them off. Trailing kisses down my throat, he reached my breast and promptly took the erect nipple into his mouth. He sucked with so much force that my back arched off the bed and my nails dug into his back.
"No, no. I"m wet enough," I said as he made a move to go lower. Damien smirked as he cupped my s.e.x once more and lightly rubbed the heel of his hand against my c.l.i.t. I clawed at his back as a moan was torn from my throat.
"You certainly are." He gently removed my panties as he trailed kisses down one leg and up the other. It was such a contrast to the roughness of moments before. I was torn. On one hand I really wanted the aggression from before, I was still incredibly p.i.s.sed off and hurt, and it was obvious he was upset as well. But on the other hand, my heart clenched at how gentle he could be. We weren"t together, and now I was pretty sure we"d never be, but I let myself imagine how nice it could be if we were. How sweet and- My thoughts were cut off as he slammed into me.
Ohhh...
Or how delicious and rough he could be...
That"d be nice too.
With no finesse and all signs of tenderness gone, he held nothing back as he pounded into me. His soft but heavy breath was in my ear, while my loud whimpers were probably waking the dead. The only other sound was our slapping skin as he continued to f.u.c.k me like it was a punishment.
"I"m gonna f.u.c.k you so hard you won"t be able to breathe tomorrow without feeling it."
My breath caught. I loved control. I shouldn"t have loved his dominance like I did. But Jesus... I wanted more. And he wanted to give me more, I could feel it. My eyes squeezed shut at what I was about to do, how I was about to forfeit my control even more and abandon my pride. I lightly ran my hands down his back, leaving whisper-soft marks in my wake before I dug my nails into the globes of his a.s.s and said, "Make it hurt."
Lifting his head from my neck, his eyes widened in surprise before a confident smirk graced his swollen lips, and then I saw no more. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as he f.u.c.ked me so hard I thought I"d split into two. Hard thumps from above my head made me moan louder as I realized we were f.u.c.king so hard the headboard was banging into the wall.
"G.o.dd.a.m.n," he growled. "You feel incredible. You are incredible."
I forced my eyes open to see him propped up by his hands near my shoulders, and his eyes smoldered as he gazed down at me. I felt my muscles starting to constrict as my body shook with pleasure.
My eyes shot fully open and my mouth let out an embarra.s.sing cry when he removed himself.
"What the-" I cut myself off as he flipped me over, grabbed my hips until I was on my knees, and thrusted into me from behind. He wasted no time in reaching around and grabbing my breast, squeezing roughly before pinching and rolling my nipple.
"Oh G.o.d," I mumbled into the comforter. His hand continued the a.s.sault on my breast while his other trailed down my back until he reached my a.s.s.
I moved my hand to my center, more than ready to climax. But Damien grabbed it before I could make contact.
"I make you come. Do you want to come?"
I nodded as my eyes fluttered shut.
"Beg me," he whispered as he slowed down but kept the firm grip on my wrist.
"b.a.s.t.a.r.d," I mumbled. He pinched my c.l.i.t and I jerked against him. "Oh G.o.d, I"m close."
He stopped and slowly slid out before quickly thrusting back in. "Beg. Me," he ordered as he stilled, fully inside me.
"Please, G.o.d, please..." I said shamelessly.
And then I didn"t have to beg anymore. He resumed his fast pace before slapping my a.s.s. A strangled cry left my mouth as the most powerful o.r.g.a.s.m I"d ever had took over. I saw bright white lights behind my eyes as my p.u.s.s.y pulsed and my body shook. Minutes later and after three quick thrusts, he paused before shuddering and following me over. I winced slightly when he pulled out, already feeling the rough s.e.x in every part of my body.
I sat up and reached for my nightshirt before quickly throwing it on. I turned to see Damien disposing of a condom I hadn"t even seen him put on, before stepping into his boxers and tugging on his shirt. He looked less angry than when he walked in and I could have sworn I saw remorse in his eyes. But I barely looked at him before I hopped off the bed and strode to my en suite bathroom. Right before I shut the door, I said, "Now get the f.u.c.k out."
I hung my head as I left Naomi"s apartment. The second the words had left my mouth, I regretted them. All of them. But I barely had time to let the regret show, let alone apologize, before Naomi was slapping me across the face. And in even less time than that, her tongue was down my throat. Fast-forward thirty minutes and we were having the best... the f.u.c.king best s.e.x of my life. And also the worst.
Because it came at the price of someone I really cared about.
Gripping my hair, I blew out a breath of frustration as I kicked a group of rocks across the sidewalk. "G.o.dd.a.m.n it," I muttered, feeling more unsettled than I had when I arrived.
I knew I could go back in there and make her talk to me, make her forgive me. But the truth was, I didn"t want her forgiveness right now. I deserved her anger.
And the most ridiculous part was I had wanted to talk to her. I just needed to do it afterward, after I could release all the frustration, anger, and hurt I was feeling. But I released it too soon and onto someone who did nothing to deserve it.
I closed my eyes and thought back to this afternoon, when everything had started falling apart...
"Hey, Ells. I got-" I was walking in, carefully balancing the pizza in one hand and a bag full of groceries in the other, when I stopped short. She was sitting at the kitchen table, biting her thumbnail and nervously bouncing her leg. Her gaze was glued to a bottle of amber liquid on the table in front of her. Ellie"s eyes flew to me and I saw them fill with shameful tears as her lip trembled.
"I-" She stood up and held out her hands in a defensive manner.
"What. The. h.e.l.l?" I cut her off, biting out each word.
"Maggie stopped by and-"
"And you thought you"d get drunk?"
She looked away as her tears fell. "I wasn"t going to do anything," she mumbled.
"You"re carrying a f.u.c.king baby!" I shouted. When Ellie"s face crumpled further, I took a deep breath. "Eleanor-"
"Don"t. You know I h-hate t-that name."
I gritted my teeth and spoke in a restrained tone. "Ellie, you need to decide what"s more important." I walked forward, put the pizza and groceries down, and picked up the bottle. Shaking it in front of her face, I said, "This or your child."
Ellie"s soft sobs filled the apartment as I stared down at her. It broke my heart to see her this way. I felt helpless, like I failed her. If she could even consider this, then maybe we were in bigger trouble than I realized, maybe- "I didn"t know she was coming over," she rushed out once some of her tears subsided. "I haven"t talked to her in weeks. She showed up drunk and with this bottle." Ellie placed a hand on her stomach. "A congratulations," she whispered, shaking her head.
I screwed my eyes shut. "You shouldn"t have opened the door."
"I know. I know. I just... I have no friends... they all..." She trailed off and I opened my eyes to see water pooling in hers once more.
Sighing, I put the bottle down and wrapped my arms around her. "I know, Ells. I"m sorry. I know you"re lonely. I"m sorry I"m not around more."
"It"s not your fault," she said softly. "You"re working and just trying to take care of me. And all this," she said, motioning to the bottle of alcohol. "This is my fault. But I-I want this b-baby, I want it so bad. I promise I do." She slid her arms between us and rested her hands protectively on her stomach, like she"d done so many times since she found out. "I just... I"m s-scared. I"m s-so scared-d. I"m scared I"m gonna be h-horrible. I"m scared everyone"s r-right about how worthless I am."
"Hey, who"s everyone? Our parents? f.u.c.k them. You are not worthless. You"re just struggling right now. You"ve been sober since you found out, right?" When she nodded confidently, I continued, "That"s great, Ells. You"ll just-"
"I can"t do anything, D. I"m not good at anything." She stepped back and held her hands out to the side. "I got drunk so I"d forget just how worthless-"
"Don"t you dare repeat that s.h.i.t to me. I have nightmares about all the s.h.i.t Mom said to you. I don"t need you to re-f.u.c.king-peat it. It"s not true." I stared at her with hard eyes until she nodded. But I could tell she still didn"t believe it. I pulled her back against me, holding her tight and wishing I could comfort her with more than just a hug.
I dialed Grayson"s number when I finally reached my car and got in.
"h.e.l.lo?" he answered in a no-nonsense manner.
"Hey. It"s Damien."
"I know. What"s wrong?"
I blew out a breath as my hand fisted the steering wheel. "I came home tonight and found Ellie sitting in front of a bottle of Jack." Grayson was silent for so long I had to check to make sure he didn"t hang up. "h.e.l.lo?" I asked after putting the phone back to my ear.
"Yeah, I"m here," he said gruffly, before pausing and clearing his throat. "Did she drink any?"
"She said she didn"t and the seal wasn"t broken." I recounted everything else, what I saw and what Ellie told me; all the while Grayson stayed silent, but I could tell he was diligently listening. I could tell he genuinely cared.
"Okay, well it sounds like she resisted pretty well, so that"s promising. But you can"t jump down her throat every time she makes a mistake-she"ll never confide in you when she"s struggling if she thinks you"ll yell at her and judge her for it. You don"t want her to think of you as her parole officer."
"I know," I muttered. He was right, I had already known that before I called. I shouldn"t have yelled at Ellie. And I shouldn"t have even considered going anywhere near Naomi. Yes, I was already aware of all the mistakes I made today. So why had I called him? Why had I dragged him into any of this?
"It"s okay," he said after a minute of silence.
"What is?"
"I know you want to be there for Ellie, but that doesn"t mean presenting her with some cardboard cutout of what you think she needs. She feels terrible right now because she thinks she"s let you down and that you"re mad at her."
"I"m-"
"But," he continued right over me. "Your reactions, and sometimes your overreactions, are going to make her stronger. She is going to see how this affects you and realize that she needs to step up. She may have declined the drink but she still let her friend in, she still let her stay, and she let her leave the alcohol. But one day Ellie will be more than a pa.s.sive observer in her life. One day she"ll take control. Ellie will actively take control and make better choices because she"ll want to make you proud... she"ll want to make her child proud."
"That makes sense." I nodded along as the words poured from my mouth. "Thank you."
"You"re welcome. I"m ready to be there for you as much as for Ellie."
I opened my mouth to tell him it wasn"t necessary, that I could handle myself, but he had already hung up. And when I pulled the phone away from my ear, I realized once again, he was right. Why else would I have called him, if it wasn"t for his support? Maybe I needed him just as much as Ellie did.
It was a stupid idea, and somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it was going to end badly. Maybe that was why I"d done it. So I could finally yell at someone who deserved it, and who I knew could take it because they didn"t give a d.a.m.n what I thought.
Picking up the phone, I punched in the numbers I had desperately tried to forget. It only rang twice before my mother"s crisp voice floated over the line.
"Harrington residence."
"Mom?" I cleared my throat of the emotional rasp before speaking again. "It"s Damien."
"I know." She offered no more in the way of an explanation, so I could only a.s.sume she still had our numbers programmed. That had to be promising, right?
"How have you been?"
"Well. Your father and I have been very well." She paused, and it didn"t escape my attention that she hadn"t returned the question. "What can I do for you?"
"I was hoping I could stop by for dinner. I have some news and-"
She laughed; a bitter, cold laugh that instantly put me on edge. "How much?"
"What?" My brows furrowed as I glanced down the hall to make sure Ellie"s door was still shut.
"We"ve been waiting for this phone call since the moment you stepped out of this house, Damien. There"s no way you could afford to take care of yourself, let alone Eleanor. So, how much?" It clicked. Money. She thought I was calling because I needed money. The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth as I squeezed my eyes shut and gripped the phone so hard I thought it would break.
"We don"t need your money," I bit out gruffly. The first few months had been rocky and our diets weren"t much better than a starving college student"s, but we made it. I busted my a.s.s at two jobs because there was no way in h.e.l.l I was ever crawling back to them.
"Then what"s the news?" she asked slowly, suspicion lacing each word.
I opened my eyes and stared at the blank television. There was no sense in beating around the bush. "You"re going to be a grandmother."
She gasped loudly before quickly trying to cover up the reaction by pulling the phone away and coughing. But when she got back on the line her voice betrayed her words. "Excuse me?" My mom tried to make the words sound fierce, but they came out a little hysterical.
"I said you"re going to be a grand-"
"I know what you said," she snapped. "Lord, your father was right."
"About?"
"How could you be so stupid, Damien?" she hissed. "I always stood up for you with your father. I insisted that surely both of our children couldn"t be idiots. Eleanor was slow, no doubt about it. Anyone could see just how stupid that girl was. But you? You had potential. You were just too lazy to ever develop it. But this? Knocking a girl up has to be the dumbest thing you could have done. She knows your last name, yes? She probably thinks she can swindle her way into some money. After all, I can"t imagine why else she"d shackle herself to a tattoo artist who"s going nowhere in life. I can"t imagine-"